Wednesday, 29 October 2008

Great Expectations

I was telling BB-Aisha that they just come to me…I don’t know how or why. I don’t know how I attract them or how do they know they should speak to me since I’m hardly the poster woman and would definitely be the most unlikely candidate if given a chance… but they do, they always come to me. Not that I’m complaining. But I'm getting ahead of myself...let me rewind a little…

The day itself was a hectic one. I’m on a tight schedule these days and I don’t have time to worry about the finer details of my wardrobe and hair. So being the hypocrite that I sometimes am, I donned a Kurta and a headscarf…that way I didn’t have to look for something comfortable to wear, and I didn’t have to do my long, sometimes annoying hair either.

I left work early to go to the dealer and have my tyres replaced with new ones and was standing in the lot completely idle…watching as they worked. I soon got thirsty and decided to step inside to get some water. Now for those who have ever wondered where the white people in South Africa have gone to, go and step into this “office”. This is where all the billing, phone calls and appointments are made. And there are only white females working here…around 10 of them. I asked for some water and was just about to pay the bill when in swept the Indian version of Don Juan…on his black stallion…no really it was a black BMW…one of the latest models, very nice. This chap was kinda handsome looking, in his mid to late 20’s…either way, he could not have been older than 30. He was holding a bunch of flowers addressed to “Yolandi”.

My jaw dropped. He obviously wasn’t the courier…judging from the stallion, so surprising his girlfriend maybe? Who knows? She was very happy I must say, but then again which sucker of a woman wouldn’t be? I was mildly disturbed by this occurrence because a few weeks ago Taz and I were discussing why Muslim Indian guys go for white girls. Taz was sure it’s because they put out. But come on, flowers?!?

It got me thinking about Zaida…a friend from Madressa. This woman is close to perfect. She’s educated, she works from home, she’s attractive, she’s active in her deen, and she’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. But she’s still single, nearing 28. No ones buying her flowers! Maybe it’s because she’s not white with blonde hair and dressed provocatively. And I can bet anyone that she would be 1000 times better as a partner to Don Juan than Yolandi could ever dream to be.

I was disgusted, appalled and perturbed with the whole situation and went back outside to watch Temba, Sello and David at work. I heard them talking in Sotho when Temba approached me and said that he loves my religion. I was taken aback…where did that come from? Then he proceeded to explain to me that he watches the Muslims and that he loves how we adhere to the Islamic laws and principals without changing the religion. He mentioned that the Christians often make fun of Jesus, to them there are any aspects of the religion that they do not take seriously…and that he saw that the Muslims were the first to step forward to complain about the jokes made in Jesus’ name. He also mentioned something about marriage and women in Islam.

I then explained to Temba that the cornerstone of Islam is respect and peace. We are supposed to respect each other and not judge. I told him that Jesus is our prophet too, and for us to sit back and not fight sacrilege and blasphemy is a sin in itself. I explained to him that in Islam, men and women are equal, but they have different roles and that they are supposed to respect each other in their respective roles….really when I get started, I can go on and on and on…as most bloggers know by now. I can become very passionate in what I believe in…I go into a different mode. I don’t even recognise myself.

When I eventually stopped, they all looked at me mesmerised. I saw three pairs of moist, sparkling eyes looking at me in awe and respect. I just delivered another one of my Dawah sermons without any intention of doing so and Temba told me that I have moved his soul and that they would be keen to learn more. I said that I was glad that I could give them some insight and that I would refer them to someone who could help them further.

While I was preaching to these three guys, I thought of Don Juan. I thought of the message I was giving to Temba, Sello and David after just witnessing the Don on one of his escapades. I thought it is so ironic, preaching the perfection of the deen to some very enthusiastic and eager gentlemen; calling people to the deen when we ourselves are so flawed, tarnished, damaged. How would I ever explain to them that the problem with society is not religion, it’s the people? Regardless of my thoughts, I did not add any additional spices to the story. I couldn’t help feeling like a fraud, as I always do when I’m approached by them. Like I said I don’t know why they choose me, I’m really the last person on earth to be any kind of example.

As for Don Juan, I will not judge him. I chose to believe that he was making a delivery…on behalf of who is none of my business and makes no difference to my life. As people we have too many expectations from others and when they don’t live up to those expectations we are disappointed and disillusioned. I’ve always maintained that I’m far from perfect. So why do I still expect everyone else to be flawless?
Maybe I'm just the moron and this is all a dream :)


  1. sometimes Azra, Muslim guys ( confirmed with a friend) date white chicks or "non-muslim" because they don't come fully accessorized with shackles, andmost guys don't want it right now

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  3. It’s strange…our perception of what something is…and the ‘truth’ is always VERY different!!

    I’ll choose to believe the Don was delievering flowers on behalf of his friend that was having a fight with his girlfriend, and the girlfriend didn’t want to see him. So the Don said, ‘hey boet, I’ll do it for you’. Then the boyfriend and girlfriend make up and get married and live happily ever after…leaving the Don to search once more for his princess – THE END

  4. Aasia is spot-on about the reason why muslim guys date 'outside' of their religion...

    I know a muslim guy that would only date white chicks...for many many years, but he got married to a muslim lady.

  5. Azra, I think they have free reign with white / non muslim girls. In the end some marry good "homely" girls and others end up marrying them. Sad state as they find non-muslims much more appleaing. Maybe its the whole forbidden fruit that has them Fascination??

  6. Variety is the spice of life... It's not about forbidden fruit as mentioned by princess but more about flirting with the accepted norms of society and seeing what you can get away with and in most ways I think thats a healthy way of learning about ourselves and it might even get you to appreciate your culture and more importantly religion more. I dont think anyone of us want to live in a sterile environment and exploration of boundaries ensures we dont.

  7. And maybe it's just because they were friends first & got into a relationship & she's also interested in Islam & will convert...I don't have a problem with Indian Muslim guys dating girls of other races (rephrase: I do have a problem with dating) provided it's not because they feel they're superior because they're dating a white. (applies for females too)

    Subhanallah Azra. That truly is wonderful Mashallah. I get asked about Islam alot & I love it when ppl just greet me wherever I am (my mum wore scarf to the supermarket the other day & this happened to her. I said ;see, don't u feel good? u should wear scarf all the time:-) ) but unfortunately nobody, or rather very few, express their active interest in wanting to know more.

    I should learn tips from you in what you say & how u say it:-)

  8. Edge of Where I guess that could be it but forgive my ignorance but would you eat Haraam (eg, pork).?You have said "variety is the spice of life" but I think one needs to know the boundaries lie. Dawah comes in many forms and I agree with BB Aisha on that

  9. @ princess... I am not defending the actions of the guy all I am doing is providing a possible explanation as to why he did what he did.

    Also I do not think you are ignorant and I respect the fact that everyone has their own unique opinions on different subject matter.

    Do I think that being with a muslim girl is more right than being with a white girl... the answer is NO... wrong is wrong however society might see one as being better than the other.

    And no i will not eat pork and I do stand by what I said because I truly believe variety is the spice of life. When it comes to pushing boundaries this is totally a personal viewpoint but I truly believe that it is an innate trait within us to push boundaries because without doing so we will never know what we are capable of.

  10. its the biggest satisfaction to change or enlighten one's opinion on islam. good going!

    > But she’s still single, nearing 28.


  11. what size tyres did u put on the car ans what was the discount offered?

  12. Ok I agree with what you saying edge of where...makes sense

  13. from what i have heard from many a white woman is that they go for the indian guys "for their money". They are under the impression that indian men are all very wealthy. On the other end I guess no strings attached is ideal for many men...

  14. Everyone -

    You know, I dont mind if the guy actually likes the girl and he gets along with her ie. they connect - regardless of the fact that she may be white or black...

    But dont date her Because she's understand what I'm saying.

    I also think its wrong for these guys to want non-muslim girlfriends just to sleep with them - its degrading and despicable.