Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Lyrical Therapy: DAY 2

RAGE

Its weird how you can awake from slumber in a state of bliss for 10 seconds before reality comes crashing down on you like the US stock market. I’m less sad today…somewhat furious.

And I will not accept this as a part of my life.
I will not live in fear of what may be.
And the lessons I have learned with you,
I would rather be alone than watch you spinning,
Spinning that wheel for me…
[1]

I am LIVID. Just who the Fuck does he think he is? I'm spitting fire again and the flames flow through my veins…

…'Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for you to be open wide, no.
And every time you speak her name,
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me,
Until you died, till you died. But you're still alive…
….You seem very well, things look peaceful.
I'm not quite as well, I thought you should know.
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity.
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner.
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced.
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?
And I'm here to remind you.
Of the mess you left when you went away.
It's not fair to deny me Of the cross I bear that you gave to me.
You, you, you oughta know.
[2]

I briefly contemplate using my staff discount on two tankers of Hydrogen and Liquid Nitrogen…but the Plant is offline today.

How dare you say that my behaviour’s unacceptable,
So condescending, unnecessarily critical,
I have the tendency of getting very physical,
So watch your step ‘coz f I do, you’ll need a miracle,
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I’m even here.
The double vision I was seeing has finally cleared.
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone.
Not fit to fucking tread the ground that I am walking on!
[3]

If this is “karma”, I wonder what I’ve done to deserve this. Maybe I should be nicer to the receptionist at work. And give more to charity. And be more humble.

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind.
I can withhold like it's going out of style.
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone,
Who is as negative as I am sometimes…
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen And you've never met anyone,
Who's as positive as I am sometimes…
…I blame everyone else, not my own partaking.
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating.
I'm the most gorgeous women that you’ve ever known And you've never met anyone, who’s as everything as I am sometimes.
[4]

I look forward to a nice cooling swim at the family luncheon. The only problem is that out of all the blistering hot days of the week, today is cold. I swim anyway. Water has an unbelievably soothing quality.

Been down and wondering why,
these little black clouds are walking around with me…
…so maybe tomorrow, I’ll find my way home.
[5]

The dessert being served lures me out of the cool depths of the water. I can’t wait to fill this void with some custard, ice cream and trifle. As we get our bowls, I tell Taz to be careful that she doesn’t slip on the wet tiles. No sooner are the words out of my mouth, I see the light. Slipping, suspended in the air, the sun in my eyes. I roll down the wet staircase, dessert in hand. Amazingly, not a drop spilt :D

I have been down this road before,
And each time I run when I should walk,
Diving too deep when I can't swim,
Always asking what could have been.
And so they say that time's a healer,
Maybe it's about time that I start,
But I've found time don't make it any easier,
The longer we're apart.
[6]

Taz: OMG, are you alright?
Me: I think so.
Taz: Let me help you, give me your dessert.
Me: No. For what do you want my dessert?
Taz: ROTFL
Me: Smile.
Taz: Well, look at it this way. You have hit rock bottom, literally. So the only way from here is up.
Me: I guess so.

Loose lips sunk ships,
I'm getting to grips with what you said.
…You say we're fatally flawed,
Well I'm easily bored,
Is that OK?
Write me off your list,
Make this the last kiss,
I’ll walk away.
Why don't we talk about it?
I'm only here don't shout it,
Given time, you'll forget,
Let's pretend we never met.
[7]

The dessert was great. Some things in life can never disappoint you :D

All the times, That I've cried,
All this wasted, It's all inside,
And I feel, All this pain,
Stuffed it down, It's back again,
And I lie, Here in bed,
All alone, I can't mend,
But I feel, Tomorrow will be OK.
I'm on the outside, And I'm looking in,
I can see through you, See your true colours.
'Cause inside you're ugly, You're ugly like me.
I can see through you, See to the real you.
[8]

Whatever heat was bestowed upon the earth in the afternoon has evaporated. The rain and thunder echoes my sentiment.

I still don’t have a reason, and you don’t have the time,
And it really makes me wonder if I ever gave a fuck about you and I,
So this is goodbye.
[9]

Another week ahead. Have I the strength? Of course I do, I’m a fighter not a lover ;) Now to find my ammunition.

Armed with an arrow you're pointing it straight at my heart,
Watching me break as I try to find my way out of the dark,
They say each moment comes to an end
So my pain is its consequence,
It's a battle and I have no defence.
I guess I'll never understand
How love can come and go,
Looking through the broken glass now I know,
But even though my bitter doubt lets my loneliness show,
I'll get over you, over you in the end.
[10]

3 comments:

  1. [1] Spinning the Wheel - George Michael
    [2] You Oughta Know - Alanis Morrisette
    [3] Harder to Breathe - Maroon 5
    [4] Everything - Alanis Morrisette
    [5] Maybe Tomorrow - Stereophonics
    [6] We're Apart - Lucie Silvas
    [7] Sexed Up - Robbie Williams
    [8] Outside - Stained
    [9] Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5
    [10] No Defense - Lucie Silvas

    ReplyDelete
  2. Killa - BOO HOO big baby. I dont complain when I have to read your novels :P

    ReplyDelete