Friday, 17 October 2008

The truth about men...

*WARNING: POST CONTAINS GENERALISATIONS*

Not my own work...but I couldn't resist LOL :D


Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A. They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

Q. How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
A. Make him wear shoes.

Q. How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A. Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

Q. How does a man show he's planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q. How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A. All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.

Q. What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. What do you call the useless piece of skin on the end of a man'spenis?
A. His body.

Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A. A power failure.

Q. What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.

Q. What do men and mascara have in common?
A. They both run at the first sign of emotion.

Q. What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A. They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!

Q. What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
A. Sex.

Q. What's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.

Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What's the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?
A. Big Foot's been spotted a several times.

Q. What's the smartest thing a man can say?
A. "My wife says..."

Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A. Because they're all pigs.

Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites attract.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% oftheir decisions.

Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Q. Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A. Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q. Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
A. Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. When do you care for a man's company?
A. When he owns it.

Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have one in a million chance of becoming a human being.

11 comments:

  1. Lol, had a good laugh at the useless skin one, then realised that didn't apply to Muslim men, so guess they're okay then..;)

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  2. Not that im good at generalizing...

    But is it true that girls also do shit, have their fun, lead guys on and then go on and marry the nerd dude that makes tons of cash...

    Justa a thought

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  3. Killa - You're right...both parties are equally guilty...in different ways...when I get some "women" jokes I'll forward them :)

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  4. LoL @ the name their penises one. I never could get that- this explanation makes perfect sense...

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  5. Hahahaha. Freud would call this penis envy. Nice one.

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  6. LOL :-) Brilliant...
    I have a few of my own:

    ~Q-Why was Adam made before Eve?
    A-GOD had to make a rough copy before making a masterpiece!~

    ~Men are like tiles...if you lay them right once, you can walk all over them forever.~

    ~Never attempt to change a Man...unless of course, they are in nappies.~

    Hope you had a great weekend...

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  7. Q. What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
    A. Sex.


    I think women want the same thing as well, they just want a different and more elaborate path to it ...

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  8. Brilliant :)

    Loved the 50/50 relationship

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  9. and women complain why men often mistreat them.

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