Tuesday, 25 November 2008

The Asshole Chronicles - The Blog Meister

Due to various special requests, I have decided to post this one separately:

The Blog-Meister

There are some men who have two homes, the one they grew up in and another one in cyber space...a planet knows as the Blogosphere. Their homes in the Blogosphere are Palaces, fitting for their titles as Blog Knights, Kings and Princes…even if no one really knows who they are. But the Blog Monarchy do harbour a few secrets of their own.
There are the BLOG KNIGHTS, who are somewhat theatrical…true exhibitionists and voyeurists they are. They enjoy putting themselves on display, and take an equal amount of pleasure in watching others perform. To them, blogging fosters a sense of kinship and is a playground where they can express themselves freely without fear, limitation or intimidation. They can engage with other like minded individuals in thought provoking and jovial discussions. They are usually honest and have no qualms about who they are.

The BLOG PRINCES are somewhat more reserved and conservative than the Knights. They usually blog under pseudonyms that reflect upon their personas or is significant to them. They also like to engage in intellectually stimulating discourse, but are less open about who they are. They usually use the blog as a means of escaping boredom and in some cases, loneliness. The blog allows them to interact with other people in a “safe” environment that does not leave them feeling vulnerable.

The BLOG KINGS on the other hand love controversy. They are also reserved and private when it comes to their personal lives but have no reservations when it comes to raising controversial issues and promoting debates. Some of them will even go as far as to express their favourable opinions about issues that they do not believe in…just to create hype and encourage a cyber bar-room brawl...a mêlée of sorts. They will hide behind their computers and keyboards, announcing the most contentious statements and they love the fact that they can’t be held directly responsible for their actions. Its not like they’re physically available and people can’t fight with their monitors. They are usually quite popular and have a large following. Secretly they are just insecure nerds who enjoy their popularity on the blog because it makes up for a lot of what they lacked in their adolescence.

Real-life Scenario: *names have been changed to protect identities.
Ismail is an artist of sorts...a real Blog Knight. He enjoys the company of people and has a lot of friends and acquaintances. Ismail has an active social life and is out and about on most weekends, often meeting friends for coffee, catching a movie or an exhibition at the museum…or he can be found being involved in various community projects and programs. Ismail is also quite popular with the ladies, and is often surrounded by females who find that he is incredibly attractive and has a personality to boot. Ismail carries his persona into cyber-space via his blog. He enjoys expressing his views and opinions on a variety of subjects and garners equal enjoyment from the popularity of his blog. People comment regularly, and he is not one to shy away from meeting new people…another activity he thoroughly enjoys. Ismail however, is secretly yearning for that one thing that he thinks will make him whole…and he keeps on searching, one person and one blog entry at a time.

Luqmaan is better known as Krawl, the Blog Prince…very few people know his true identity and he blogs out of curiosity and as a means of self-expression. He however, prefers to remain anonymous because it gives him the freedom to say what he wants to on his blog, without any inhibitions, intimidation or restrictions. As long as people don’t know who he really is, they can’t judge him. In a sense, he hides behind the Pseudonym, it’s a wall that he places between the real him and the blogger known as Krawl. His Pseudonym also grants him a freedom that makes him somewhat fearless and he finds it to be liberating. In reality, Luqmaan is just another guy, trying to find his place in the world...searching for something that brings some meaning to his life.

Hamza is a true Blog King. He is the drama queen of the Blogosphere. He loves the fact that his blog is so popular and attracts a rather large following and he actively looks for ways to make it more controversial, thereby increasing its popularity. He generally brings up issues in society that people are afraid to voice and uses his “innocent” banter as a platform to incite eruptive arguments and debates amongst his audience. They are puppets and he is the puppet master, gently guiding and provoking dramatic reactions from the unsuspecting crowd. He is sometimes two-minded about his blog, but loves the attention too much to ever stop the controversy. His popularity, large following and dramatic flair is encouraged and rewarded by various contracts from advertisers and the like who use his blog as a means to promote their products and services. So in essence, his blog is a commercial machine, generating income from little pieces of contentious information directed at an addicted audience who happen to love the drama because they obviously don’t have enough of it in their lives.


  1. :-O whaaa... wait!i think i might know some of these :-P

  2. Hmm there maybe a few of them we might actually know :)

  3. ha, i love these posts that you do. lots of thought and insight involved

  4. azra shuh
    this is sooo obvious
    well for me anyway
    i hope they read it and realise what they are :P

  5. What category do you fall under?

  6. Everyone wants 2 b Mike Lauwrey... or in this case Hamza. B happy who u r cause i sense sum Jealousy.

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  8. um i was wondering, since your post is predominantly male,

    does it apply to females?

    i hope not...

  9. Ladies and Gentlemen

    Believe it or Not...but the requests to post this one seperately came from alot of other MALE bloggers...so no disrespect or anything. I'm just telling it like it is, sujectively of course...calling it how I see it.

    Another thing, like I said before, alot of people are amalgmations of these stereotypes.

    MJ - :D Howsit Bunny?

    Trinity, Zahera, Tazeen, Princess -Refer to comments above :D

    Prixie - Thanx :D

    Nooj - They know very well..I've even discussed it with most of them :D

    Mini - I'm the cynical and sarcastic bitch blogger that has psychotic tendencies.

    Sw@@r - I have no Reason to be jealous or some other k@k like that, just telling it like it is...The Truth Hurts doesn't it? :)

    Safiyya - Alot of the "Asshole" content, not all - maybe 75% of all the Blogger Asshole posts are applicable to women too. I have refrained from doing Female "Bitch" posts because I am afraid I might end up repeating myself. But, give me a few weeks or months...hey you never know what I might produce :D

  10. At sw@@r. I wouldn't want to be hamza boet.

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  12. MJ - I agree...I wouldn't want to be Hamza either...whoever the poor asshole is :P

    I'm perfectly happy being me :D

    Safiyya...well I'm kind of like those little girls you see in horror movies...you know the one thats so sweet and innocent and cute and playful, and chirpy and all that...and then the minute someone messes with her she becomes a Dragon that spits fire? Yeah that one :D LMAO

  13. Azra - So u jus "sayin it like how it is"... Looks like we both hav that tendency 2 call a spade a spade. All encounters r mind over matter, if u dont mind, it doesnt matter. Since u wrote this post, it was on ur mind n it did matter. U probably discussed all of this with ur buddies in ur small click, as it was obviously stated by Nooj. So how can this be sayin it like how it is? I wonder...

    "Believe it or Not...but the requests to post this one seperately came from alot of other MALE bloggers..."
    Can any1 not smell jealousy here??? I'm sorry, yes the truth hurts. Sorry those guys cant b like Luqmaan

    M Junaid - Im sure u dont wanna b Hamza, U happy who u r, so jus go back n run into ur little hole Bunny Boy. This is not about u.

    in conclusion....
    Azra - we all get the subtle hints u sending us in choosing ur words.
    Here is 1 that probably no1 picked up :-)
    I Smile, U Smile, WE ALL SMILE 4...

  14. "call a spade a spade"
    why do u even bother with pseudonyms mr. graves/lagos :P

  15. Sw@@r -

    I find it amusing that you're so defensive...its the first sign of guilt.

    And so by the way, I find it equally amusing that I have a "click" - or you mean Clique...no I haven't discussed this with anyone, sorry to disappoint you.

    Jealous? ROTFLMMFAO!!!!!!! Thanks for a good laugh early in the morn...

    Oh boy, if you only knew the truth behind this post, you would eat your words with some Cyanide and Anthrax.

    So for your sake, before you make a further fool of yourself, I suggest that you dont defend that which you do not know.

  16. lolol great analysis blogs- men!
    hmmm but on some level we are all just existing - attempting to do our best right?

  17. ok i was wrong. sorry killa. i inferred it based on you using the phrase "calling a spade a spade". hope u'l forgive me and its cool that u still like my name

  18. DD - We are ALL in search of something more than what life has handed to us...whether some people admit it or not...thats why we come here and vent our frustrations, express ourselfs artistically or try to make sense of the world.

    I truely believe that we are all no better than the next person...and you're 100% right, we can only try and be better than what we already are...not to please others, but for ourselves.

  19. Lovely post, Dont think I would like to be place under any of these labels though.

  20. I don’t think anyone really wants to be classified as A stereotype. That is why people - gets so upset. It's because we want to believe that we are different or “special”. Truth is everyone is all the same. We are all just sheep. That is why we can identify with certain aspects of a stereotype. And there is nothing wrong with that. Actually it makes us…oh whats the word again…um…HUMAN!

    Sw@@r – you need to relax boet. Take it for what it is. And for someone who has so much to say…you blog is looking pretty empty.