Thursday, 4 December 2008

Post-Traumatic Education Disorder

You know those people you meet that have like 4 degrees and exude intelligence, charm and have a natural flair and inclination to every academic endeavour under the sun? Those people who really enjoy studying, and are continually involved with their Universities as part of the Alumni…the ones who revel in education and find a sense of pride and fulfillment in their academic achievements?

Well I’m NOT one of them.

I hate studying…I mean I really HATE it. I hate going to lectures…even when I find the subject matter interesting. I hate writing exams, doing assignments or mini-dissertations…I just don’t like it period.

But I’ve been conflicted over these past few days. This is the story:

I wanted to do my Masters next year…but then this opportunity arose. I’ve been seriously contemplating doing my MBA instead. What does this mean? This means using the last two brains cells I have over the next three years…because it would have to be part-time…since I would be paying for it from my own pocket.

The good news is that classes are literally a kilometer from where I work, so there’s convenience. But the real question is: Can I handle being broke, working my ass off, and using my last two brain cells for the next three years? These years will be my 7th, 8th and 9th years at Varsity respectively…that makes me feel like a failure. In that time I managed to get a degree in Psychology and English…another Honours degree in Information Science and Business Management…and now this. Like why couldn’t I become a Chiropractor, a Doctor, a Journalist or an Accountant like all the normal people out there huh? Why must everything always be the long way around with me?

When I announced it to Tweety, her response was: “What the hell is wrong with you…When are you going to stop torturing yourself?” (I’m still LMAO for that one).
The thing is I feel compelled to do it…every time…I can’t explain it. I feel like I’m being instructed to do it by a higher power. And even though I’m fighting it internally…the higher power says “YOU WILL DO IT”.

I could get the company to pay for it, but they have a clause that states that the beneficiary (which would be me) will have to work for one month for every R500 the company contributes towards any tertiary institution on behalf of the student. That translates into over 12 years people!!!

I can’t work here for the next 12 years…I’ll die. What about growth? And moving on up?

Maybe I should just stick with the Masters plan…

This is yet another reason why I should just get married and become a housewife!

So whats your Verdict?

29 comments:

  1. oh yeah, ive been there many a times myself. I finished my Honours, but still wondered about Masters or maybe an MBA? or maybe another degree? but i left it. I just left it. studies was just way too much money (i wouldnt have gotten bursaries and such) and too many years. . just too many years and too much brain-wracking exams.and titles to my name, mean nothing to me.
    Im not saying you shouldnt do it though, but weigh the pros and cons together with how u would feel and then take it from there.

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  2. What helps me make decisions is if I'm doubting going ahead with something - it gives me an indication that I dont really want to do it.
    If I really wanted to, I'd jump at the chance to do it because its something I want regardless of the sacrifices.

    I must say studying for the next 3 years does not sound appealing :P

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  3. Lol I'm one of those people who flunked a whole bunch of stuff which I put down to immaturity and the rebel in me trying to get out. Finally made it thru a degree and then signed up for more punishment. I have quite an ambitious list of all the things I'd like to study, I actually think I'd enjoy it except for the having to do assignments and take exams part. I think I'd like to do an MBA some day.

    I say go for it but these things are insanely expensive so if ure planning on paying for it urself, then get ready to go back to living the life of a student. Why not get your company to cover a part of the cost and finance the rest ur self? That way ure not bound to them forever and u don't have to resort to taking to the streets with a tin cup either...

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  5. i have two degrees. and am a housewife/stay at home mom temporarily. let me tell you something - it's fucking boring.

    there's no such thing as too many degrees. keep going! good luck!

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  6. I think you want to do the MBA cos you know that you got what it takes! I mean, why else? And it will be all about moving on and up! MA's dont pay by the way :P

    Oh, and I also know you can do it!

    Thing is, whether you do it or not doesnt change the fact that you have ONE AMAZing mIND :)

    All the best;

    From a compulsive academic

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  7. NK - I think at the crux of the matter I'm plagued by the reality of my future. The truth of the matter is that I have to take care of myself because there is no one else that can. I don't expect my parents to support me at this stage in my life, I actually feel obligated to support them...and it doesn't look like I'm getting married anytime soon...so I'm trying to look out for myself here.

    And if I'm going to lead a miserable existence - I might as well be rich and miserable then poor and miserable :D

    Nafisa - I dont so much doubt doing it (like I said I feel COMPELLED to do it, seriously, I feel like something is saying DO IT OR DIE)...I'd rather die, but that aside...I can't explain it...but it's like if I don't do it, then I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

    WIP - Girl you scare me with the way we think alike...I was telling my Mother last night that I want to pay for the first year, have work pay for the second year and then use my bonus to pay for the third year. That way, even if I do leave the company and have to pay them back - I'd rather have to pay them R25k instead of R75k, know what I mean?

    EMCT - I feel that while I'm still in my 20's I should be making the most of it academically...because I dont want to be 40 and still doing my Masters. Not that I have anything against 40-somethings who do, its admirable - but for me, the one who hates studying...I think I should just make the most of it while I still can.

    KS - I love you compulsive academics...I have a theory that most compulsive academics have an astounding emotional depth that they reflect on and try to make sense of through their work. But then again I could be so wrong...what do I know? Me and my two brain cells :D

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  8. Im a compulsive academic yet I have the emotional depth of a squirt of Handy Andy so there goes that theory.

    I am an academic purely because I have a passion for it. If you dont have a passion for it. Then I wouldnt suggest you do it. A Masters degree isnt all that.

    Then again - in six months time youre going to Mexico with two MA graduates to bum it out in some latin american slum anyway :D

    All aboard the Kajee express

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  9. Oh Yeah - this might help

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existentialism

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  10. R500 for a month jeez thats a bit over the top... If you going to be miserable studying then dont do it... and maybe your 20's can be spent having more fun and leave the studying to your 30's... just a thought.

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  11. Honey, compact living is the way to go. If anyone wants to scale down for lightness of being sake.. i say they pray to be left with two brain cells kinda like yours (i know, most can only hope to come close :P)

    thanks for the very charming words :)

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  12. Do the MBA

    If you can't manage leave it.

    At least then you can't say you didn't try.

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  13. is marriage an escape route? or a means for a completely new and important degree?
    though i'd like to add that like life, you need to live through it, get the experience for it and then learn the lesson in marriage. no text books telling you exactly how you can make it work!
    and no. love isnt too nice to keep it going.
    my verdict is... MBA... it is the saner route to insane outlooks!

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  14. Yep, marriage and housewifing :-D Its the blumming hardest degree and job in the darn world! And then get knocked up the duff and get babyfied *sprinkles lovehearts over Azra* :-D

    I loved my MSc- it was intense, hard and exiciting all at the same time. When i started it i cried- i couldnt believe the workload and i was ready to quit in a week. Thankfully i have sane friends who told me to shut the hell up and get on with it-so i did and i never regretted it.
    I loved Studying-i was known as the girl who wouldnt leave education. Now im married, im at home and about to have a baby! hehehe life has its own plans!

    Do what your heart tells you and nothing else!

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  15. I wouldnt say i hate studying but i am tired of it. I think marriage would probably be a harder longer study choice

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  16. im done after my degree... thats it for me1 i cant take any more of it...

    you have no idea how many times i said "just get married and call it a day"

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  17. I can so relate to this. I also completed my Honours in Psych and now want to do my Masters. It's as though something is driving me to go ahead and appy. Why would I want to torture myself again - not really sure....

    lol

    Blue

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  18. So you have to make a decision,just pray and do Namaz Ishtikhara.You will get your answer!

    I agree with seher's sananighans comments !

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  19. If it were me, I would definately do my MBA...it's expensive, but I have heard that it is waaaayyyy worth it...
    Perhaps I'm just living vicariously through you...

    Whatever you do decide though...make sure that it's the best for YOU...

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  20. I also hate studying, and I cant seem to motivate myself into studying something else. I also say I hate IT, but I think I hate IT more, which prevents me from studying something else and getting out of this. Also how do you discard 8 years of your life for something else.

    Enough insecurities for one day I think.

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  21. Go on! Do the MBA. It will definatly be worth it- we all know that you can!. It will be painful but apparently all the good stuff comes with abit fo seat and tears. Good luck sweets. You will make the right decision for you and it's not so bad living the life of a poor student. You find thigs to do that don't require money :)

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  22. Everyone -

    Thanks for your input...I will keep you updated on the outcome of this decision-making process :D

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  23. MBA... MBA... GO MBA GO...
    lady... i am an MBA and had a 2.87 GPA which obviouysly is nothing to be proud of but the fact remains that i never really studied. i belied in only clearing the exams. thats it. and i have done well in my career as i have worked with kraft and i'm now working at Nestle. so go do your MBA, forget about putting a lot of effort in studying and just have fun in it. success depends on many other factors but MBA should be fun. even after MBA, you can still pursue a career in journalism and media management!

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  24. Thanks SamiS

    You do make it sound like it's alot of fun, nothing to worry about lol...

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  25. BTW @ MJ - You're an emotional martyr...a poster child of sorts...so don't come and tell me there's no depth there. Many of the compulsive academics process their emotions through their work differently, but the emotions are there regardless.

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  26. haha it sounds to me like you like studying a lot more than you realise!

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  27. is there an option that says do ur masters and mba and get married ? alright thats impossible to do all at the same time...so when was the last time someone actually came to me for advice???!!! *thinking*

    lol, alright my lameness aside.
    i think you shud do what others think you wud never be able to do..i mean there wud be ppl other than us blogger, who might be criticizing you, rite? well go against the tide and prove yourself..that way the challenge wud keep you going :D and then get married too! :D
    i think i shud stop now :$

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  28. Too often people look at marriage as a way out of studying...
    It's absolute nonsense.
    I'm still studying even though I'm married because I feel as if my brain cells will die and rot in my brain. My husband encourages me to do whatever I want, and I, in turn encourage him. So much so, that now he's applying for a Masters degree in Law and we might be moving overseas so that he can pursue it. Inshallah, Ameen!

    I'm still completing my undergrad through Unisa (which is horrid because you gotta be disciplined), but I'm doing millions of other things as well, like learning pottery, arabic, furthering my islamic education by going privately to an apa, etc.
    Why? Because I enjoy torturing myself and I'm slightly mad.

    I used to work for my father before I was married. People think it's easier, but it's not. Sure, the hours are flexible, but you tend to take your work home with you. And if you're angry at your boss, you still have to deal with him over supper in the evening! Lol :)

    I know a girl that's got a 2-year old daughter, is pregnant, gone for hajj and is writing her honours exam in January. And her baby is due around Feb. Now that's driven! :) I really admire her for pursuing her education with two kids!

    If I were you, look at the Careers supplement on Sundays. Nelson Mandela Foundation usually wants to hand out scholarships for Masters degrees. Besides, there are other foundations that want to do the same :)
    STUDY as much as you can, while you can. One day, you can look back and be proud of your achievements.

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  29. 'When I announced it to Tweety, her response was: “What the hell is wrong with you?'

    WAIT A MINUTE....Tweety is a GIRL??????????? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! (imagine dramatic facial expression)

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