Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Will The Real Men Please Stand Up

I heard a dreadful story the other day. It left me feeling physically sick and abused. A relatively well known 38-year-old-South-African-English-speaking-Indian “Mufti” married a 17 year-old-Jordanian-Arabic-speaking-girl, Mariam, a few months ago. Mufti brought his new bride to live with him, his sister and his parents on a little farm just outside Johannesburg. Not long into the marriage, Mufti sought counsel with one of the elders, complaining that his new wife would not sleep with him and that she was disrespectful to his family. On these terms, Mufti decided to pack her bags and send her back to her family; who were incidentally visiting South Africa at the time and staying with friends.

The elders then enquired into the matter and with the help of an interpreter, sought counsel with Mariam, who was clearly traumatised. From Mariam’s side of the story, deplorable information came to light. According to Mariam, Mufti refused to engage in any discourse with her. He refused to get to know her, refused to speak to her and only ever wanted to sleep with her in the late hours of the evening to satisfy his animalistic urges. And instead of fostering a relationship with his wife, Mufti spent hours in his sister’s quarters, sometimes only emerging after 10pm. It was then that Mariam withdrew from any physical intimacy.

Life became increasingly difficult for Mariam because she could not converse with anyone, no one in the household understood Arabic, except Mufti, and she could not speak any English. To make matters worse, her mother-in-law took this opportunity to exploit Mariam’s presence in the household. To make a long story short, Mariam became a slave. She was instructed to clean the house two to three times a day by her mother-in-law and had to acquiesce to all kinds of requests from her sister-in-law. She obeyed, silently.

One afternoon, Mariam was done with her chores and after her bath, decided to wear a pair of jeans, only to be met with the look of horror and dismay on the faces of her in-laws. Her mother-in-law immediately reprimanded her, telling her that if Mufti found out, he would kill her. So, not wanting to meet the disapproval of her husband, Mariam changed her clothes and donned an ankle length skirt instead. But when Mufti arrived home later that evening, he scolded his wife for her attire i.e. referring to the skirt. When he found out about the jeans, he went ballistic and shredded them with a pair of scissors. Despite all of this, at the end of it all, she still did not want to leave her husband, even when he forced her out of their home.

Even though Mufti refused to converse with Mariam, apparently he had no qualms about conversing with his friends and other acquaintances over the nature of his relationship with his wife. He told one of them that his wedding night was “nice” and even boasted about the fact that Mariam was, and I quote “so tight and in so much pain”.

The elders shook their heads, shocked and appalled by what they had heard. And judging from Mufti’s checkered past, his tendency to be a PATHOLOGICAL LIAR as well as the Indian culture of “mother-in-law-from-hell”, it had appeared that Mariam was telling the truth.

Now I ask you, the public, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? Are these the kinds of men we have in our society? What kind of man divulges such crude and personal information to relative strangers? What kind of SWINE takes pleasure in his wife’s pain and misery and boasts about it too? And a supposedly educated man at that?

Stories like these are so common in our society, it makes me SICK to my core. These people are supposed to be educated in the Deen (religion). They pride themselves on their knowledge of Islam and are even arrogant about it. But I have to say that all their religious efforts are in vain because this is NOT Islam. This is NOT the knowledge or the kind of behaviour that the Prophet SAW imparted on his journey here on earth. I was LIVID when I heard this story. I actually wish the narrator did not impart this information to me and I’m still reeling from it. I can’t even begin to describe how it has disturbed me.

Mufti is the kind of guy that should be gang raped by a bunch of male ex-cons until his very own existence repulses him. If I had a couple of million lying around in my bank account I would have even made it happen and then hand him the gun afterwards so that he can finish the job himself. He's the kind of guy I would bludgeon to death with the axe I keep in the kitchen next to the refrigerator. And I would take my time, so that the spaces in between each blow would feel like an eternity for him…because killing the fucking animal is not enough, he has to be tortured first.

As a woman, I feel violated even though I do not know Mariam personally. I feel ashamed to be part of the world in which she had to suffer. And all I want to do is attack this fucking inbred cursed society with cruel and ruthless words, and an atomic bomb or three. But I won’t unleash any devastation or label and generalise, not today.

Instead, I will mourn for all the other Mariam’s out there. I will ask all the women who are mother’s or will become mother’s to please instill in their sons the morals and values that are right by Islamic principles and not by society's traditions and cultural standards. And I will ask all the REAL MEN to please stand up.


  1. omg! i agree with you 101%...this is the type of behaviour you do not expect from learned scholars of the Deen.

    this makes me so angry with the world!

    What has subsequently happened to the Mufti?

  2. hah... Mufti only has the M of the word of MAN. The essence of being one, I so feel sorry to say this, he never knew, and perhaps never lived.

    Men who call themselves one, forget that there is a thin line between being recognised as one and screaming out loud that they are one!

    shame on you who have to call yourself a man.

  3. That is totally disgusting... Personally I have very little respect for so called Mufti's and stuff because none of them have really earned respect.... They think their knowledge automatically entitles them to good standing etc within a community but to me it means nothing.... Character means more than knowledge... you can be the most learned priest or Rabbi or Moulana but if you filled with pride and ignorance and have a lack of respect towards others you are worthless... It is a shame that we have so little upstanding men to look up to nowadays

  4. I vomit on this aberration.

    The truly tragic reality is that this is just one story that has surfaced. There are so many others who are choked by silent fear.

    And what will happen to the vile swine? What recourse does Mariam, and others like her, have?

  5. I had to go back and edit this post, because my words are the only weapons I have right now and I feel like my punishment for Mufti was not enough. So I added some additional information to it.

    NK - It took me almost 2 weeks to blog about this, to get to a point where I could narrate the story without killing someone...thats how angry I was when I first heard about it.

    AD - Shame on him for even calling himself a Muslim. He should be branded as SWINE.

    Edge - It seems like most of our community education projects exclude the module on good character.

    Saaleha - How sickening, and fucked up that the Mariams of this world have nothing...not even the backing of so-called religious leaders who recognise and even acknowledge the faults, yet do nothing to correct them. Instead, they will sit on their thrones and admonish people who wear jeans. I'm so disillusioned and almost convinced that the only solution is nuclear warfare.

  6. omw, this story is unbelievable
    but so typical of our south african muslim commnity..
    its actually sick.. the power these men have over women, imagine that girl.. having to deal with the insanity and phsycotic insecurities of this so called mufti... agh.. i dont even know what to say.. im beyond disgusted and really saddened..
    there just seem to be so few real men out there:(

  7. Wow. Thats incredibly sad. I really don't know what to say. InshaAllah life for Mariam and the other Mariams gets better.

  8. poor girl. and as you said it's a common thing. there's many more like her. I've known and known of one or two girls that were married into families and became practically slaves.

    What I never understand is how this guy and countless more have sister's themselves and yet treat their wives with utter contempt. It's weird. what do you blame it on? sheltered upbringing? sexual repression? bad parenting?

    As for the mother-in-law-from-hell it's not just a desi thing, but ours are a special kind of sadist.

    I was discussing the whole muslims women issue with a male friend a couple of days ago in a different context but again the main thread was the unlucky hand they are dealt in so many different ways from status, education, career, money, rights, travel. So many are not afforded basic dignity.

    What can we do to change this I don't know. giving dicks like the guy you mentioned a free pass doesn't help. too many assholes do unspeakable things and there is merely silence in response. nobody says anything for fear of offending him or his family and the blame is put on the girl without a voice...

  9. The Silent should speak.

    Most of the time the said Swine comes from a "good" (meaning rich) family, so they don't want rumors to tarnish their precious reputation.

    I say speak up. Name the beast.

    The women need to stand up and take responsibility in raising such sick son's but then again, they are probably married to sick men.

  10. Trinity > this kind of bullshit isn't limited to the rich

  11. h and geekisiddiqui - It is sad that he doesnt know the basic principles and tenets of being human, one of which is respect.

    Mash - Thats what I dont get, dont they think they have sisters and mothers and one day they'll have daughters too. It escapes my comprehension really.
    I think it is definitely perpetuated through the generations ie. Traumatised wife and mother becomes psychotic and teaches her kids the in essence, that is all they know and to them, their behaviour is normal and they go and teach their kids the same thing.
    & lol lol lol - I'm not voluntarily violent...I actually hate violence but my masochistic mind is a volcano of psychotic tendencies that will erupt when triggered by assholes :D And I get a staff discount on Liquid Hydrogen, Oxygen and Nitrogen Tankers :D :D

    Trinity - The assholes should be named and shamed. They get away with too much.

  12. So the problem i think is that no one celebrates the good; we don't ever talk about the things that are going right; the husbands, the wives that are getting it right; which makes it more difficult to understand how it should be done? No?

    The issue around people growing up etc. of having sisters and daughters is the same., how will our youth ever know how they should behave and act if no example is shown?