Tuesday, 21 April 2009

These days...

I don’t know what weekends look like anymore. In fact, I don’t even know what day it is anymore, and it doesn’t matter. All I know is that I’m being pushed to thresholds I’ve never known before.

These days I spend entire days in the boardroom of another massive chemical plant with the rest of the Sharks mulling over details, theories, recommendations to the Labour Minister, analyzing the elements and parameters of team effectiveness vs. job satisfaction…and all kinds of boring shit like that with 5 males and a lady.

I sit next to Fred, the smoothest man I’ve ever seen…literally flawless. He looks like he stepped out from one of Rembrandt’s paintings. Smooth unblemished skin, fine features, immaculately kept short hair, not even a single pore visible. I’ve never seen such perfection in someone, it’s freaky.
These days, I stay up until 3 in the mornings fixing stats and data and on Sundays when our house is a mini-Circus, I’m at smooth-man’s flawless and immaculate house, at his smooth granite kitchen table, with his smooth kids running on the smooth marble floors and his not-so-smooth wife getting us snacks.

These days, when the group is deadlocked on some issues, we argue, debate, rationalise for hours on end until we reach plausible solutions. When they piss me off, I start spitting fire and their jaws drop. They try to placate me and I apologise. These days, classes have been extended and now take place from 2:00pm until 10:00pm on Mondays.

These days, I listen intently in the Law class, sniggering surreptitiously with the rest of the Class every time Professor says Kant, referring to Immanuel Kant’s theories, his Afrikaans accent pronouncing it as the profanity; while sipping on bottled water provided to us, the label emphatically stating “Freshly Squeezed Premium Water”…like squeezed from where?

These days, I sit and discuss every mistake and blunder every corporation or organization has ever made that has led to their demise.

These days, I pay attention in Financial Reporting, our lecturer’s sarcastic wit and physical image bearing a striking similarity to Chandler from Friends, making the otherwise dreary subject all the more tolerable. I burst with laughter when he calls us by our seat numbers because he can’t remember all our names. I’m thoroughly amused when gives us impossible tests to write with the instruction “You do not have to write this test” embedded in a mass of text as a lesson for us to read the questions before we attempt them; while he watches us scribble like morons for 15 minutes.

These days I pass up a lot of invitations, even though it makes me feel terrible, not because I’m anti-social or a snob, but simply because I’m constantly grappling for time. My social life has been reduced to emails and random conversations on Gtalk while I utilize my multi-tasking abilities and work on facts and figures, trying to make sense of it all.

These days I’m averaging 65% in complex business laws and ethical procedures and 85% in Organisational Behaviour, thus solidifying my belief that one of the only things I’m brilliant at is analyzing/reading people and their environments, making accurate deductions and offering substantial solutions to conflict resolution. I’ve also realised that I’m an excellent “fixer” but definitely not a “creator”.

These days I get annoyed when my battery dies leaving me with no recourse and I have to wait for hours in the cold evening, sometimes until 10:30pm, for my equally busy sister working at the IEC, who’s responsible for a considerable number of voting stations, to come and pick me up. We leave in the early hours of the morning, work for her and destination gym for me, and return in the late hours of the evening. I see how hard they have to work, often pushing 15 hour days and find it deplorable that a lot of people won’t even bother to vote tomorrow because they don’t believe that it will make a difference, even though we need a strong opposition.

These days, time means nothing and the hours melt by like minutes, the months evaporating into days. I often long to sit at home and do nothing…to have nothing on my mind, no concerns or worries or problems to solve. I long for those lazy Autumn days spent reading gripping novels in the sun, a privilege I so often took for granted in my days at school. Some days I vehemently wish for a way out. On other days, I think to myself that I have nothing better to do, so I might as well continue.

These days I’ve come to realise the power of my words, manifesting into real-life scenarios and I resolve to making grander wishes. I realise that I want a family of my own and I’m no longer commitment phobic or afraid of the responsibility.

These days I take 30 random, precious minutes to exorcise my tortured soul and blog about something that either plagues or amuses me. I drink more coffee to make up for the lack of chocolate, because I never abandon my addictions, I just substitute them.

And on days like these…when clouds linger in the skies promising rain, and a fresh-frosty-cool breeze lingers in the air, I feel invigorated, charged like one of those Energizer bunnies and I can feel the life flowing in my veins. These are exciting times.


  1. Azra, when I read this post, I said to myself, "Damn, this girl needs chocolate."

  2. Jeez you busy.

    Today I thank god because honestly I do next to nothing compared to you except maybe arguing in the boardroom.... lol

  3. :D

    >>hus solidifying my belief that one of the only things I’m brilliant at is analyzing/reading people and their environments, making accurate deductions and offering substantial solutions to conflict resolution.


    >>My social life has been reduced to emails and random conversations on Gtalk


    and soon, on one of These Days, it'll all be worth it ;-)

  4. Time for another holiday, methinks ;)

  5. Well written piece

    I shall return for more!

    Hey, and don't foget...Just chill :-)

  6. Nice peek into your daily life. I think you'll remember these days as fondly as your travels to distant lands. Brilliantly written, as usual.. :)

  7. are you breathing?

  8. I loved this post.It makes me feel as if you are happy and at peace and it's a great feeling.

    "I realise that I want a family of my own and I’m no longer commitment phobic or afraid of the responsibility."

    That's huge.Realising that is a journey in itself, one I doubt I'm ever going to get to so I pray that this all works out soon and the way you want it to with the right person for you.

  9. LL - The chocolate will have to wait in line with everything else :)

    Noojie - Thank you :D You're not so bad yourself :D

    Edge - lol...its unreal the amount of time I spend in boardrooms across Gauteng, they should have a little bed for me in each one.

    Sofia - I'm hoping all this pays off in the end InshaAllah.

    Nafisa - It's ALWAYS time for another holiday :D :D

    Mazozo - Chilling is on my list of things to do :)

    Arslan - Thank you. LOL...I dont like working in general...but I make the most of it :)

    AD - We produce tons of liquid oxygen and vaporised O2, so if I ever stop breathing, they'll hook me up with a mask.

    Emmy - It's a comfortable misery :D LOL! InshaAllah, it works out...unfortunately, just because it's something I want does not guarentee that I'll get it. But it will happen, InshaAllah Ameen. It all begins with intention.

  10. You know there is a formula for times like these:


  11. Hmm.. Im glad that I finally had the time to read this post with the attention that it deserves.. so beautifully felt and written... may these days become the impetus for amazing memories and a wonderful celebration when u reach the finish line of the MBA, and of course, may this momentum carry forth into incredible things ahead!

    Lotsa Love n Light to you Lady

  12. KS - It means alot coming from you :D