Tuesday, 12 May 2009

On That Bandwagon

I’ve been tagged by a taggee who was tagged before she tagged me. He was part of it too :P

I’ve done this list before…My Ten Steps to Total Existential Liberation & Emancipation although it wasn’t addressed to my future children. So this top 12 (because 10 isn't enough) is like a continuation of that, only it’s what I’d want my little patch of brussel sprouts (i.e. the future kiddies) to know:

If you respect yourself, really really respect yourself and recognize your self-worth NOTHING and NO ONE can ever break you down…no ex-girl/boyfriend, no relationship gone awry, no shattered heart, no petty squabbles with peers who you think are your bestest best friends, no boss trying to drag you through the mud, no parental disagreements…NOTHING. If you Love yourself enough you’ll always come first. People may still hurt you and put a few dents in the metal, but the core will remain rock solid and intact. You won’t ever need anyone’s approval or validation because you’ll have it from the one who matters most. And the sooner you realise that you don't "need" people to validate your existence the better. Besides, no one can love, believe in and respect you if you don’t love, believe in and respect yourself. Respect not only yourself, but others too and your environment etc. PS. Confidence NOT Arrogance.

People won’t believe you anyway, even when you splat the brutal truth in their faces i.e. see Joan of Arc. Be honest in your words and all your dealings.

Don’t be afraid to ask, research, learn, study. Don’t be a dumbass and just swallow everything the masses are fed by any posing authority figure. Search for the truth.

As often as you can. NOTHING broadens the mind like traveling. Nothing can incite awe and wonderment like roaming distant lands. The knowledge acquired and those memories are priceless. PS. Always take a camera with enough memory & a charger to capture those moments.

Life is about moderation. Everything has it’s time and place. Too much of a good thing is bad…depriving yourself when there’s no good reason to isn’t good either.

For your own security, work smart and play hard. Life means nothing if you can’t enjoy your wealth. But even though money cannot make you happy, the LACK thereof will DEFINITELY make you miserable. It’s ok to appreciate the aesthetic appeal in material possessions, but money does not mean living in a false paradise. Money should essentially mean TWO things…Opportunities and the Freedom to exploit those opportunities.

To articulate an argument and fight with words is a magnificent art. To extend your arm and bitchslap the shit out of the mofo who antagonizes you, a martial art. Truth is, there are waaay too many assholes and spineless bastards in this world and one should always know how to defend oneself. Like if someone slaps you, you knock their fucking lights out. If they kick you, you break their faces. However, don’t ever start a fight; instead learn how to end one.

No matter where you are in your life, no matter what status you’ve been afforded, always remember where you come from and extend the same courtesy you’d like bestowed on you unto others…no matter who they are. Also remember, you live by the Grace of The Almighty, you’re always one step away from being worse off then they are and that you’re no better than anyone else.

In life, nothing worth having comes easy. It’s usually quite painful…not like pulling out your toenail painful…but it will test your strength and faith in every way possible. Don’t ever give up because you don’t have the courage to go on. Borrow or grow some if you have to.

I reiterate, hoarding breeds misery. Be generous with your money, your belongings, Yourself, your time. Don’t waste time and money on unnecessary “things” designed to fill the empty void in your soul for all of 2 minutes before you have to haul your ass out again to exercise your consumer right to clog your life with more junk. Don’t bog your life down with unnecessary baggage and things that you think you may need/use one day. Don’t fixate on your material possessions and if you love it, be prepared to lose it. PS. And PLEASE do not buy into the "brand"...if you really feel that way inclined, go to Aunty Moena's clothing factory in Cape Town, she imports all the tags and labels & sows it on with her industrial machines for all the major retail stores in SA, for a fraction of the price.

10. ALWAYS GIVE 110%
In life, everything you do should be given your all. It’s all or nothing. Half-ass jobs and half-measures are for cowards. Pursue your dreams with the intensity of a thousand suns burning through the galaxy. If you happen to fail, at least you know you really tried.

The most important one. People take themselves and this world too seriously. Sometimes there isn't this Divine answer everyone is so desperately searching for...sometimes life is exactly that, its just life, meant for living and worshipping...not over-thinking and looking for answers where there are none. Instead, Believe.


For my sons, avoid women who:
- Have more ambition than you do
- Play the damsel in distress

For my daughters, avoid men who:
- Are emotionally unavailable
- Are insecure since insecurity manifests in two ways: either the arrogant "know-it-all-wannabe-looking-for-attention" or "the-lame-ass-wanting-to-be-saved"
- Are very secretive about their lives & who they really are but want to know everything about you

I tag everyone who hasn't done this yet...Isheeta? Sofi? Mash? Waseem? WIP? NK? Dew? Beebs? Theres like a million of you guys :P


  1. hmm.. i wonder if kay realises what shes started!!! this is awesomeness.. and its real love wen u say uv been HECTIC (i kno u aint kidding) and then u pull this one off! i mean like really lady! :)

    thanks for sharing!

  2. hahahha, i love it. esp 6!

    i already did one thanks to kimya baby! its pretty simple compared to your added explanation! i'm just a simple lass ;-)

  3. NO. 13 - Don't have any expectations from anyone or anything...its a breeding ground for disappointment :P

  4. Im gonna tell my kids number 13, I've been through it enough. But i ont think they would listen. I think kids need to make their own mistakes also.

    I think 6 and 9 are contradictory, but I know what you're saying. For me making money is a necessity not a priority.

  5. KS - :D Yesterday was horrible, today much better :)

    Sofi - I love the idea of never having to worry about money. I want to do charity work too.

    Waseem - I don't associate having alot of money with having material possessions.
    For me money is security and opportunities. For example, if I wanted to go to Argentina right now, I'd want to be able to book the next flight, regardless of the cost.
    It doesnt mean that I want to buy everything in Argentina.
    Having money for me = endless possibilities. I don't want material things. I dont want a big house and a fancy car. I don't want those little porcelain ornaments that sit on the mantle...or a leather lounge suite that everyone is too scared to sit on. Instead, I wouldn't mind travelling the world first class with my toothbrush.

  6. y'know, i get a certain sense of reward and satisfaction from doing charity work that i dont any other. and the irony is i put more effort and vigour into it too.

    i wouldnt mind marrying a rich husband so i wouldnt have to work. and then to do local charity work. i vehemently believe in helping local charities over and above moving and helping internationally (even though its an incredibly brave decision).

  7. Some good advice there.

    Re sons not going for ambitious women - I'd say it takes a lot for a man to go for a woman like that - or does it take a weak man? Hmmm. I also wouldn't recommend it for my male offspring though.

  8. I'm interested in point 12, cos well you know, relationship analysis is my thing.

    for a man to go for a woman who is more ambitious than himself, does this include women who earn more than their spouse?

    I would have thought that new aged women like yourself would not scoff at the thought of househusbands? it's a partnership after all isn't it?

  9. Nafisa & Antonio Re: No. 12

    I believe that its ok if the man is the more ambitious one in the relationship simply because he'll be the primary breadwinner. Antonio - it's important to remember that many women who have careers will want to continue but they still have a foot in the house - meaning, I dont think we're at that stage yet where its ok for some men to be a house husband.

    Personally, I dont like the idea of a house husband...I can even go as far as saying that i think most women will agree with me. I'm willin to work and do my share at home, provided that he is the Primary caretaker/breadwinner in the family and that he also helps out at home.

    I wouldnt recommend it when the woman is more ambitious because it can cause havoc in the home. The man eventually feels emasculated, the woman feels like he's holding her back, they soon have different priorities and drift apart. Money has little to do with it...it becomes more of a power struggle.

    If both partners are equally ambitious with the same goals in mind, then it should strike a good balance...or if the woman is content with allowing the man his ambitions, thats fine too. But I've seen many disasters when men get involved with women that are more ambitious than what they are.

  10. If a woman knows she's got more power (job) and earns more than her husband, there's no way in hell she isn't going to act otherwise. She'd probably throw it in the man's face "but I'm bringing the money in, what are you doing... ". I cant see it happening any other way.

    I think I might be old fashioned in saying this but I prefer the man being the primary bread winner. I don't like a "power struggle" situation. Sure women can have ambition, nothing wrong with it but I don't think its the best combination if her husband is a house spouse.

    Also, Islamically a man cannot tell his wife how to spend her money, or expect her to pay the bills :P

  11. Nafisa - I know a woman who earns more than her husband does, but he is equally, if not more sucessful than she is in terms of job status etc.

    They work well together, because they both have the same priorities and the same level of ambition.

    When my cousin got married, she was more ambitious than her husband. He didnt want to work, and while she was successful in her job, him not working caused so much tension in their marriage they almost got divorced. He had loads of money (because his family is rich) so he didnt feel the need to work. Her ambition kept her at work for longer hours and she eventually dreaded coming home to him. Her longer hours made him suspicious and he accused her of having an affair. His paranoia made him resentful and he eventually couldnt wait for her to get home so that he could pickl fights with her.

    She would complain endlessly that he wants to control her...he resented that she put so much pressure on him to get a job...and it went on and on and on....

    Until he got a job and they both got on the same level career-wise. Now they're both perfectly happy. I've seen it in many couples, just an example.

  12. I want to be successful...but I want my husband to be successful in whatever field he is in as well...I think if we're both successful in our respective jobs, we'll have nothing except office politics to complain about :P