Monday, 18 May 2009

To Whom The (Wedding) Bell Tolls

Weddings are for…public spats and brawls with family members due to mounting tension, miscommunication, high levels of stress and the pursuit of perfection as time draws near.

Weddings are for…weeks of preparation, working tirelessly for hours on end on tasks that seem to be pointless and irrelevant at the time.

Weddings are for…mischievous children destroying carefully laid out arrangements that took hours to set up, in a matter of seconds.

Weddings are for…racking your brain (and your cupboard) for something elegant to wear; desperately hoping that no one has already seen you in your chosen attire.

Weddings are for…the “ooohs” and “aaahhs” from hundreds of immaculately groomed guests as they make their way to their designated tables with all the sparkle in the galaxy present in the same room.

Weddings are for…arriving fashionably late (mostly due to helping out until 30 minutes prior to the guests arriving), walking into a hall filled with over 500 people, having one of your stiletto heels firmly entrenching itself into the rubber mat at the entrance and lurching forward as your foot refuses to budge.

Weddings are for…almost falling face-down to the floor, using your hands to break that fall and having an equally fashionably late Mr. Tall Dark & (single) Sexy try to catch you from behind.

Weddings are for…trying to dislodge your stilettoed foot from a stubborn rubber mat while Mr. TDS asks if you’re ok with an amused glint in his eye.

Weddings are for…wanting to die of embarrassment as you eventually pick yourself up, blushing profusely as you laugh it off, kindly refusing Mr. TDS’s help, stating that you’re fine and watching him flash you a million dollar smile.

Weddings are for…eventually finding a table that has enough seating amongst the throngs of people scattered everywhere and trying to see where Mr. TDS is seated.

Weddings are for…the endless stream of delicious food that miraculously lands on your table after a mere request two minutes earlier.

Weddings are for…eating, eating and more eating, after starving yourself for two bloody days to fit into your precious garments, until you feel like a balloon about to pop.

Weddings are for…socialising after the feast, flitting from one table to the next, meeting new people and greeting those you already know, whilst coyly & cunningly trying to stay in close proximity to Mr. TDS.

Weddings are for…trying to make yourself approachable and visible to Mr. TDS while he sits with other guests and finds out who you are from the elderly gentleman subtly pointing at you, talking to him as you walk by.

Weddings are for…feeling like a schoolgirl, giddy with excitement and anticipation, as you plot and scheme to talk to Mr. TDS.

Weddings are for…temporarily forgetting about Mr. TDS as you get caught up in other melodramas, cake and conversations with people you haven’t seen in years.

Weddings are for…watching Mr. TDS walk straight towards you, out of the blue, as you casually stroll by the dessert table eyeing the assortment of delectable little goodies trying to figure out which shall be devoured first.

Weddings are for…conversation in passing as he asks if you’ve had any more stiletto “incidents” to which you reply by telling him “thankfully, no…but I think I may need to change my shoes”.

Weddings are for…wanting to kick yourself afterwards, wishing that you had said more and that you could get another chance to speak to him.

Weddings are for…interrogating the groomsmen who happen to be related to Mr. TDS in the hopes of finding out enough information that would make him stalker-ble.

Weddings are for…eventually giving up, and resorting to change the stiletto’s that began it all to the flats you have in your car, in preparation for the big clean-up.

Weddings are for…watching him approach with his family, as they prepare to leave and happen to be parked right next to you.

Weddings are for…smiling as you walk past him one last time, casually mentioning that you’ve finally managed to change your shoes (whilst pointing to your new ones) to help with the cleaning, knowing that the rest of the family have no clue what you’re talking about.

Weddings are for...watching Mr. TDS flash another brilliant smile as he wishes you good luck and drives off into the sunset.

Weddings are for…finding out that Mother happened to have a few conversations with Mr. TDS throughout the day.

Weddings are for…interrogating Mother until she recalls and narrates EVERY SINGLE WORD that they shared in their conversations.

Weddings are for…sitting at the wedding house until late into the evening, reminiscing about the day’s events, sighing deeply and thinking about what could have been.

I love weddings. I hate weddings.


  1. I dont really like weddings.... it's all too formal for me but I just bite my tongue and stick it out.

    So I take it Mr TDS left you lost for words? I never thought that could happen

  2. Azra you forgot to mention.....

    Weddings are for the Aunty who stuffs her plate and then sees you serving and asks for a freeking DIET COKE

    Wedding are for the impatient people who keep on askiing where their platter is.

    (I guess i serve @ too many weddings)

    Weddings are for the Aunties that want to show you gals/guys so that you can finally settle down and the many others who keep on telling to to setlle down.

    I say invite as many poor people as you can coz chances are they will appreciate it more, complain less and probably make dua for you!


  3. I hope you find Mr TDS and stalk him silly :)

    I guess to hate and love weddings is the fun of it :)

  4. stalkable stalker-able... aiiyaiiiayaiiii :))))

    this was feelgood to read! :)

    hmm... im waiting to read more TDS related posts... cute reads etc ;)

  5. This is done quite innovatively ;)

    I love weddings.

    Yes...only you!

  6. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh i so want my bells to ring again!

  7. I think this was your nicest post :) I reaaly hope you see/meet him again

  8. Wedding bring out the mean streaks in people esp. family!!!!

  9. Edge - I've know I've said this before but I can appreciate the aesthetics of a wedding...I just dont like the fact that its a waste of money and involves so much work (& so much politics and conflict) for a couple of hours of eating and complaining.

    Mr. TDS was kwaai and you know what? He wasn't even that good looking. Just shows what a stellar personality can do :D

    Mini- LOL, yeah all that too. I hate how people waste at weddings. We had some people dish up and not even touch their food or dessert. Or they just picked at it and then left it.

    If I had it my way, I wouldnt have a wedding, instead I'd feed the poor, have a braai for family and friends, then go on holiday.

    Fatima - LOL, I love stalking :D If you ever want to see demons walk the planet, then organise a brings out the worst in people :P

    KS - I wish I had more TDS related stuff going on in my life in general...then you'd get to read all the good stuff :D

    T - You love weddings? I can't wait for yours :P

    AD - InshaAllah, they will ring again Ameen.

    Humaira - Thanks :)

    Princess - I agree, as per my comments above :)

  10. shame mini-you guys do have it tough. i had to serve at two saley cousins's walimahs & one female cousins wedding.

    Pfft-never again. Hearing aunties talk about you while you're standing right there "Jamila's daughters are so lovely. Which boy can we find for her? She looks just like Jamila. No, Ridwana does. 'Bhen, were you in London?' Oh, Mo'azza. And where were you? '
    blah blah then 'Oh so you are the journalist' etc

    I can't rem if it was Ahmed's or Mohammed's walimah but my youngest sister sent dishes flying. Everybody turned around when they heard the crash. She just casually said 'Oops' & waited for someone to come clean it up.

    Az, my sisters and I always wish we can meet Mr TDS' at weddings but sadly 90% of the weddings we've attended have been devoid of such talent

  11. I never encounter any TDS's! I love to hate weddings...

  12. MJ - yip :P

    Beebs - I served at my fair share of weddings...always hated it. People think you're there to be their slaves. At least your mother gets compliments on her daughters lol!
    I havent been to many weddings..maybe 7 in the last 15 years...but this was the only wedding where there was a Mr. TDS. I guess it was because I never expected to see anyone :P

    WIP - We love to hate weddings too :D