Thursday, 4 June 2009

Dear Ryvita

Miss Azra
Turquoise Waters
White Sands
Great Living Jackpot

The Ryvita Company Limited
The Weston Centre
10 Grosvenor Street

05 June 2009

Dear Sirs

Re: Ryvita Wholegrain Sesame Crispbread
Firstly, I would like to extend a hearty and sincere thank you to Ryvita for making every day, a healthy day. I am pleased to inform you that your product has been truly appreciated in the hearts and stomachs of health fanatics the world over, particularly here in South Africa.

I personally enjoy Ryvita every morning with my coffee, and at only 34 calories per serving, it’s a treat! Those Kelloggs cardboard boxes rack up a hefty 50 calories per 10cm x 5cm, easy! Needless to say that the first time I had Ryvita, I had the distinct feeling that I had consumed such a product before. I soon realised that the crispbread was indeed reminiscent of a time when I used to shit in my pants and wrote on walls. It took me right back there, to the good old days of crayons, cardboard, coloured paper and an endless stream of snot and saliva, how delightful!

I cannot understand why anyone would want to have anything else for breakfast, or lunch or anything else for that matter. In fact, I’ve become so accustomed to your product, that I have developed an inexplicable affinity to the dry, course, palate-grating delicious taste of nothingness that haunts my tastebuds. I have even decided to try and replicate the recipe, in an attempt to add some homestyle flavour to a new favourite.

The photograph below illustrates my attempts at a simple recipe, aimed to delight even the most fastidious food lovers. It was quite effortless to prepare, although I must admit that it lacks that woody essence that Ryvita has become so renowned for. Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite compare, even though some in our household would prefer my homemade efforts to Ryvita! Sacriledge!

I write in an attempt and the hope of extracting some useful information as to how to enhance my delicious home recipe. Maybe it needs to be soaked in milk so that the cardboard is more appetizing? It would be much appreciated!

Yours Sincerely,



  1. I eat Ryvita... with cottage cheese or with peanut butter..

  2. bwahahah:)
    Admittedly, cardboard is an acquired taste, and I enjoy mine with a thick spread of three fruits marmalade.

  3. I've never seen that product before.

    It doesn't look as though I'd eat it if I had access to it.

  4. You have way too much time on your hands ;)

  5. Ryvita - tastes awful ~ YUKKY!!!!

    Saaleha how can cardboard be an acquired taste...hmm

  6. Mash - I don't get the whole cottage cheese bit... :P

    Saaleha - I dip mine in coffee and then they taste like Weetbix :P I used to eat them with Tuna and then it was tuna overload :P

    LL - It's a British product but is widely sold and consumed here in SA :)

    T - You know how easily I get distracted.

    IcingSG - :D

    Noojie - Me and my Ryvita = love/hate relationship :)

    Princess - I can't quite explain the acquired-ness about the taste...I eat it daily and can't believe that I'm eating it and Not hating it :) I know I dont make any sense :P