Friday, 12 June 2009

Male Blogger Lobola Index 2009

Ok, so I said I couldn’t and wouldn’t do it, and I didn’t plan to but OH’s post has ignited the flame and has been the catalyst that has led me here. It’s destiny.

I’m going to attempt a response to The Organ Harvester and apply my knowledge and skill to determine the lobola value of those eligible single male bloggers out there. My post will differ somewhat in that I will share my opinions on these I see them. I will only judge those that I have had some kind of interaction with on a personal level. If readers want to know what is lobola and how it’s determined, please go here.

Disclaimer: Please note that these are purely my opinions and while I will be honest, I will communicate my perceptions in a respectful manner as these are individuals in their own right and human nature is much more diverse and complex than what people relay on their blogs. Hence, their blogs only constitutes those parts of them they wish to share, and do not form their identities entirely. I could be wrong about these gentlemen…but then again, I did say these are opinions and perceptions.

Right. Here we go. Firstly, I’d like to point out that over the months, I’ve recognized certain trends amongst the male bloggers and have perceived that most of them have the same or similar issues; they just deal with it differently. I’ll start with the man who began it all…

Organ Harvester – 3 cows, 1 calf and a samurai sword encased in genuine leather OH has his head screwed on right. And from all the bloggers, I sense that he has the strongest sense of self. OH’s issues aren’t so much with himself then they are with society and his place in it. I think sometimes he feels neither here nor there and that is the crux of the matter. On a grander scale, OH looks for normalcy, but knows that he’s not normal. On some level there is/was some kind of internal conflict and some latent anger towards the social order. Luckily for him, each day he manages to find a piece of that puzzle.
Artist: 30 Seconds to Mars

MJ – 3 cows, 2 Spur restaurants, 12 litres of strawberry Milkshake & a leather thong
The reason I like MJ is because we’re similar, yet so different. I “get” him. I get his humour and the meaning behind everything he says or does (although my balls are bigger than his, and his dick is bigger than mine). Like OH, he has a strong sense of self. He knows who he is and what he wants. The thing with MJ is that he tends to fixate on things to the point of obsession. He soon tires of his obsession and moves on to his next fixation. He’s very fickle like that. MJ’s biggest flaw is that he is in love with the notion of being in love. This makes him very idealistic and sometimes a martyr. It’s at these times that I want to punch him in the gut and tell him to wake up.
Artist: Bob Marley

Waseem3 cows, 3 Spur restaurants and a Willy Wonka chocolate fountain
I have major respect for this dude, a genuinely stellar guy. One of the reasons is because he likes chocolate too :D Waseem strikes me as the strong silent type. He’s very easy going and has a good sense of humour, but if he has something to say, he’s going to say it. The problem is that while Waseem doesn’t doubt himself, he’s insecure about people and their perceptions or reception of him. He remains guarded and a little skeptical, it generally takes time for him to open up and as a result, he takes himself out of the game. Maybe it’s a fear of rejection, but whatever it is Waseem isn’t willing to take the risk. He just needs to find a reason to take a chance.
Artist: Kings of Leon

Mash – 3 cows, sirloin steak cutlets for 6 months & a pair of genuine leather loafers
Mash is the kind of guy that people enjoy talking to. He’s engaging and intellectually stimulating and you’ll definitely walk away feeling like you’ve taken something positive from your interaction with him. Mash is honest but he is not open unless you’re one of his best friends. The problem is that he may come across to some as being cold. He appears to be (and is to an extent) very practical in nature, but I suspect that it’s used as a mask to hide a much deeper side of him. Mash is a flood of emotion, still figuring out who he is and his role on earth and has trouble communicating that. His “woman” will just have to understand and accept him the way he is. Fortunately, time will bring the answers.
Artist: Gorillaz

Edge – 2 cows, 1 calf and genuine leather coat
Like MJ, this man oozes idealism. He’s sheltered but not unaware. He’s the boy next door with his casual and friendly demeanor. The problem is that every girl will want to run to him for advice about another guy. They’ll cry on his shoulder, he’ll pat her pretty little head and wipe away her tears, but as soon as the other guy calls, she’s gone. And then she’s like “Edge who?”. He’s the quintessential nice guy…the friend, not the lover. His romantic notions of life, his agreeable nature and his idealistic views will be responsible for that since most women are bitches and want the hunter. But a nice guy is never single forever.
Artist: Boys II Men

Killa – 2 cows, 1 calf and 2 cheese burgers
This dude has an overactive imagination. I suspect that he’s quite sensitive and that sometimes the alter ego becomes bigger than him and he struggles with that. But not for long because he derives a sense of validation from the attention his alter ego receives. The problem with the real Killa is that he wants to be secretive, a mystery, so that no one really knows his motives. He plays his cards close to his chest. He is also somewhat “sheltered” and finds a sense of security and comfort in the norm. A romantic at heart (although he’ll never admit it), the blog is his playground, a place where he gets to expel and dispose of everything he really wants to say. Underneath the fa├žade though, there’s a decent guy.

Artist: Robbie Williams

Antonio – 2 cows, 1 calf and a 3-cheeses pizza
This single guy is easy going but quite fastidious at the same time. He has very specific ideas of what he wants and may come across as uncompromising. I think he’s also somewhat idealistic in his expectations. He’s on that bandwagon, that search for self and looking for those elusive answers to the world.

Artist: James Blunt

A few that I've interacted with, but not long enough to really get to know them:

Irfaan – Lives in his head, on a whole other plane. Very deep and intellectual.
Artist: Panic at the Disco
Lone Writer – Great sense of humour, studious, introspective and a bit of a dreamer.
Artist: Fall Out Boy

Arslan – Quite an artist. Pensive and contemplative, he always manages to get me to see things in a different light…in that light-bulb sort of way.
Artist: Snow Patrol

Of course there are others, but I havent interacted with them enough to make any judgements. Anyone is free to add any male bloggers I might have missed.


  1. Very interesting, I don't know most of these guys very well.

    I do agree with the line regarding MJ - It’s at these times that I want to punch him in the gut and tell him to wake up.

    Re Waseem - I love his sense of humour.

    Re Killa - would someone give him a dictionary please :P

  2. I like the sword. I have an obsession with swords. But that is another story told under the influence of a small South American plant smoked.

    Thank you Miss Azra. Very insightful.

  3. yeah - i totally know what i want :D

  4. Thanks for the compliments, I agree with what's my problem also.

    I'd Love a Chocolate Fountain :D

  5. I agree with OH, very insightful and oh so fun.

  6. ditto nafisa re Killa :P

    ooh... if OH is reading this, do take note: no one can do this deal the way azra can! if so, i have yet to see it ;)


  8. I'm yet to read what this Lobola stuff is. Thanks for the kind words though! :)

  9. Well done!

    I agree with Kimya, no one can do this like you.

    It was an interesting read :)

  10. interesting. I don't think I'm cold but I can see why you think that.

  11. i enjoyed reading this. interesting stuff. now, i dare you to do one for the females :p

    re mash i dont think he is cold either.
    re mj: lol.
    re OH: agree

  12. hilarious. loved it.

    3 cheeses pizza. brilliant.

  13. dont know anyone ur friends but i love the gifts you give out! i still have my stock of belgium chocos u gave me :D :D :D