Monday, 27 July 2009

I'll Never Understand...

I’ll never understand…Seafood.
I’ve always maintained that I don’t eat anything that stays pink AFTER it’s been cooked, but what I really don’t get is how some people can swoon over glorified insects with those tentacles. Prawns, Crab, Lobster, Mussels, Oysters and whatnot, that’s not food in my book, that’s cockroaches and snot.

I’ll never understand…People who French kiss their pets.
It’s disgusting. Period. And if you’re so desperate for unconditional love, have children...1 kid every 5 years is sure to cover your hug and kiss quota. And if you’re really desperate, I’m sure you can pay someone for cuddles. Seriously.

I’ll never understand…Zionism.
Take religion out of the equation and you have Apartheid. It’s as simple as that. And everyone had a fat lot to say about Apartheid with all the riots, worldwide protests and sanctions, so I don’t get why Zionism is the exception. Apartheid and its derivatives were condemned in Germany, South Africa, America and every other nation where the disease of segregation sprung, so why should it be any different now?

I’ll never understand…Peoples obsession with poetry.
Sure there are some out there that are beautiful and moving. But I reckon that the poet is the only person that really knows what the poem is about and hence, the poem can only have significant meaning to the poet. Everyone else’s interpretations are just perceptions…sometimes they’re only ever psychological manifestations of what people WANT to read into…what they WANT to see. It’s kinda like reading your horoscope and taking meaning from those ambiguous and arbitrary predictions.

I’ll never understand…Why Apple never considered making the iPod waterproof.
Enough said. I should patent that.

I’ll never understand…The concepts of Capitalism and Democracy co-existing.
An oxymoron of sorts. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer, and then the rich exploit the poor to get even richer. Then you’re only allowed to give power of authority over your entire existence on earth to one professional Liar who is merely a puppet to the controlling elite. There’s nothing fair about either. Both, in my opinion, are a paradox and we’ve been brainwashed to think we need both to be successful.

I’ll never understand…Why Lays stopped producing their BBQ potato chips in South Africa.
It was my all-time favourite from all the flavours, only recently superceded by the Carribbean Onion & Balsamic Vinegar flavour. Why oh why did they do that?

I’ll never understand…South African spelling rules.
To us, it’s colour, not color and favour, not favor and supercede, not supersede and organise, not organize etc. etc. etc. Why does our spelling have to be different from the rest of the world?

I’ll never understand…People who drink alcohol socially.
Now I’ve always maintained that if I was allowed to drink, straight-up I’d be an alcoholic because I have an addictive personality and sometimes I like to run away from my problems like a coward. However, Islam does not permit alcohol and I’ve been spared the embarrassment of saying things I really want to say but wouldn’t out of social courtesy, as well as the hangovers and rotting liver. As far as I know and from what many a friend has told me, most alcoholic drinks taste like shit and the only perk is that warm fuzzy feeling and a momentary sense of self-confidence before it dissipates either into nothingness or lonely despair followed by a headache the size of Texas and nausea/vomiting spells that can only be rivaled by a dozen oestrogen-fueled pregnant women. So why drink it if you’re not aiming to get hopelessly drunk? Seriously, I want to know. Someone tell me.

I’ll never understand…The wisdom behind horror movies.
I just cannot wrap my mind around why some people enjoy being scared shitless. I take no pleasure out of such activities. If it’s the adrenaline rush people are after, I’m sure there are other things you can do, like jump out of a plane at 35 000 feet with a stranger strapped to your back, hoping and praying that the Parachute works. I guess I’m just not the type to get my kicks from violent slasher movies or those movies delving into the unknown poltergeist territory.

I’ll never understand...People who don’t like chocolate.
I’ve met two or three in my lifetime and I tell them all the same thing; that they have serious problems and should be checked out. I even gave one of the women my doctor’s telephone number. I can understand if people just like it…as in, they don’t need to eat it every day. But to say that you DON’T LIKE chocolate. Dude, there is something wrong with you. It’s unnatural and I’m sure it’s frowned upon in the medical industry.

I’ll never understand…Why men can’t be honest.
See, the thing with animals is that their behavior is somewhat automated. They eat, they shit and they sleep and that’s pretty much it. They don’t cheat on their mating-partners and lie etc. So why can’t men be the same? Why do they always have to deviate from the truth. A couple of years ago, at my discovery or realisation of this phenomenon, I shared my hypothesis with few of my friends…told them that I've discovered that men are natural pathological liars, whether they do so intentionally or not, and they didn’t believe me. Said I was being cynical. But today, as I write this, every single one of them have told me it’s the truth. Every single man, from your father to your husband will lie to you about some or other insignificant thing at some point in time. It’s just the way they are...the way the male species has been genetically programmed to operate. It’s human nature.



    - French Kissing Dogs : have you ever felt the cool and wet flaps, mingled with doggie taste on the side of a dog's mouth? Kissing them is the supreme expression of your affection for the most lovable creature that ever existed - your dog.

    - People Obsessed with Poetry : As Nietzsche said "life without music would be a mistake", similarly, life without poetry would be a mistake. Poetry is a pure expression of the various facets of existence in all its beauty and tragedy. Who can not like - somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
    any experience,your eyes have their silence:
    in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
    or which i cannot touch because they are too near

    your slightest look easily will unclose me
    though i have closed myself as fingers,
    you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
    (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

    Why Lays Stopped Producing : For the same reason they stopped selling chinese maggie noodles in India. Nothing good is permanent.

  2. Spelling: it's not "the rest of the world" that spells "color" and uses's the Americans.

    We use UK spelling - which many people prefer.

    i disagree about need to generaliSe (with an S, not a Z ;)

  3. I only recently came around to prawns. Like one or two not platters of the stuff.

    I beat my addiction to chocolate. and even if I have one bite, the addiction is there.

    Poetry for me is personal, its telling the world how you feel without havign to explain!

  4. I love seafood, especially sushi. I dont like crab though.

    Speaking about flavours - have you tried the spicy salsa flavoured Pringles when you were in England? oh-em-gee! They were soooooo good! I used to make nachos with them. They are not available here though :(

  5. TradeExpress - Firstly, I'd rather eat razor blades than kiss a dog.
    Secondly, like I said, there are some poems that are cool...otherwise, alot of it is pointless, unless you're the poet and you know what you're talking about.

    Dreamlife - Some of our words differ from the UK spelling too. I've seen it.

    And men do lie...the scale or degree to which they lie may differ. There's no generalisation because it comes with having testosterone :D

    Aasia - I'd much rather listen to music where the lyrics mean something to me...for me thats poetic. I like writing poetry too but I don't bother publishing for fear of being misunderstood.

    Nafisa - Seafood Yuck :D
    Spicy Pringles Yum...yeah I had alot of Pringles there ebcause they're only 1 pound per can...everything is so overpriced here :P

  6. Oh my dear, if you ever try wood plank roasted Lobster, you will see why it is so popular!

  7. this post speak svolumes. Up close and personal?

    I love prawns. Always looking for new ways to create someting special with them. Braai-ed was delicious.

  8. Depends on the poetry.

    You need to watch Evil Dead 2.

    Are you suggesting women are honest? cos we both know that's a crock of shit. So how about we agree that humans are simply fallible and will lie to others and themselves. cos that's just how we are.

    Seafood is awesome.


    Man this is so shit without some mint tea and Shisha to tide us over.

  9. Organic Meatbag - lol, I'll take your word for it.

    Saaleha - I suppose. Thing is, I dont discriminate based on these things :D I truely do believe "to each his own"...I guess this is my personal take on stuff.
    My sister loves prawns too but I have a theory about prawns...I reckon people only like them because they're associated with prestige, status and rank. So people enjoy them because psychologically, they believe they're better people if they do lol...
    I am willing to consider that maybe, just maybe, there are a few taste-buds out there that are prawn-inclined :D

    Mash - Its a fact that women lie too...but what I'm referring to is not quite the same. A male cousin of mine told me that most men lie pathologically because they don't want to hurt or offend the woman. Like those little social niceties to keep the convo going. So he'll say stuff like her food is nice when he didn't think so, or that they should meet again when he doesnt want to etc.

    Yeah I miss the Convo, Mint tea and Shisha too.

  10. that's true but the alternative is men being honest about these bullshit things and then what?

    Her: Does it taste good?

    Him: Nah it tastes like you put rat poison in it.


    Women know these lies, accept them and in some cases encourage them.

    As much as some guys may chat shit to ingratiate himself with a woman, the woman will accept the bullshit because it massages her fragile ego.

    It's co-dependent.

    Most humans just don't want honesty.

  11. Mash - I agree that most women (actually people in general) want the approval that necessitates the lies, but I think it goes a step further than that.

    I think people just want their efforts to be recognised and appreciated. A form of validation.

    But, not everyone is like that. Not everyone appreciates those little Junaid lying about the colour of his shirt. That was a true story.