Because I'm highly pissed off these days (like PISSED y'know. I'm talking seething-fire-spitting-smoke-exhaling-mammoth-hell-hath-no-fury-like-Azra-scorned proportions here); for reasons that I can't even vent about on this page (I'll share at a later stage when it's been resolved, I promise); I've decided to venture away from my blood-drenched evil thoughts long enough to talk about my stalker issues.
Hello. My name is Azra and I've always been a stalker, for as long as I can remember. For all I know, I could have invented the concept. I'm not even going to lie and say that I'm a closet stalker because I've always been very open about it. I just can’t resist the thrill that a good stalking session gives me and I only stalk people that I really like, I swear. I’ve become so good at it, that I can stalk anyone, anywhere...regardless of certain pesky variable constraints like time and geographical borders.
The really funny part is that I always find what, or should I say who I’m looking for, and I don’t even know how I do it. The only pre-requisite to one of my stalker-episodes is that the subject should be enticing enough for me to want to pursue the dreary ritual of garnering little tidbits of information…it’s like running a comb through sea sand, looking for that one grain that stands out from the rest.
Now I don’t twit or tweet…not for any specific reason other than I find it a tad bit tedious (I find it hard enough to update my Facebook status ok, and have been reduced to posting lyrics from the songs stuck in my head…or whatever my iPod coughs up), but I must say that this application has worked wonders for the stalker industry. And since I still haven’t convinced a few people that I’m completely Twit-less (they reckon that I should get about Tweeting ASAP), I’ve decided to reconsider Twi-volution after my latest stalking spree proved to be both amusing and informative.
So there I was, rummaging through Donnie Wahlberg’s commentary and Jonathan Knight’s updates on twitter when I came across these messages posted by Jonathan:
7:50 AM Jul 19th from UberTwitter: Happy Birthday to the one who started me on this journey... Love you Mom, see you tonight!
Then barely 8 hours later:
4:14 PM Jul 19th from UberTwitter: To the girls that just showed up at my mother’s door..... Not cool! I haven't seen her in 15 months and don't feel you need to intrude!
At this point I was LOL-ing. Rolling about laughing my ass off, because had I been there, I wouldn’t have went immediately, I would have waited for at least a day…stalker mistake number 1.
But the really entertaining bit for me were in these messages:
5:11 AM Jul 18th from UberTwitter: I think you’re a bit early for the show! It doesn't start for another 12 hours. I see you all hiding in the bushes you weirdo's!
5:12 AM Jul 18th from UberTwitter: Stop trying to look normal. All I see is psycho!
5:23 AM Jul 18th from UberTwitter: Oh how I love twitter! They are holding up a sign saying “not weirdos or psychos, just fans”.
The proliferation of twitter coupled with its user-friendly interface has given rise to the phenomenon of what I like to call "celeb-twats"…because every Tom, Dick and Mary, regardless of their stature in the entertainment business seems to be twittering about, tweeting all kinds of intimate details of their lives. They make it so easy don’t they? I still love Jonathan *sigh* :D