Thursday, 16 July 2009

What Women Say & What They Really Mean

I told the OH that I’d attempt a response to his post about “what men say and what they really mean”. I emphasize the word attempt because it’s a known fact that women are much more intelligent than men, which subsequently makes us more dynamic and diverse in nature. Hence, what women may say and what they may actually mean would differ from woman to woman…whereas, it’s pretty standard amongst most men.

So at this juncture, I’d like to enforce my disclaimer and state that these are generalized versions of what women may say compared to what they may actually mean. I’ve never been married and I’m no authority on this subject, so all my responses are based on various individuals in conversations that I may have had or overheard. Please note that situations and reactions may differ significantly from woman to woman.

We say: I just want to be friends.
We mean: Dude, I’d rather date a monkey…you and me ain’t happening EVER.

We say: You’re such a nice guy.
We mean: For someone else, unfortunately you’re not my type and I’m not interested.

We say: No I don’t mind if we live with your parents in their huge empty house, because your Mother insisted…
We mean: That fucking sneaky manipulative bitch.

We say: I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.
We mean: You want a trophy-supermodel to parade around with your inflated ego. This hair does not do itself, so you’ll just have to wait the usual 90 minutes.

We say: I don’t know, when was the last time you had your car keys/phone/watch?
We mean: What am I? A Psychic? How the hell am I supposed to know where you leave your shit.

We say: I love your mother.
We mean: As much as I love a dog with rabies.

We say: I love having your friends over.
We mean: WTF, are they homeless? I’m not the bloody maid. Why don’t they just move in and you can sleep with them.

We say: Does this make me look fat?
We mean: If you can’t give me a decent compliment, you’re going to sleep with the dogs tonight you son-of-a-bitch.

We say: She’s pretty, isn’t she?
We mean: If you even DARE look in her direction, I’m going to dig your fucking eyes out with this spoon.

We say: Your friend’s are cool.
We mean: If you dropped dead tomorrow, that tall one is mine.

We say: I have a headache.
We mean: You’re not getting any tonight, and if you look at me like that again, you’ll never get any for the rest of your life.

We say: Are you going out fishing/to watch the game with the guys?
We mean: When are you leaving, I’m tired of your nagging ass. I need some alone time.

We say: What do you want for dinner?
We mean: You better tell me because the last time you said “I don’t know” you whined like a bitch for three days because I made baked beans.

We say: You look gorgeous.
We mean: Either: I really want those platinum diamond earrings I saw at American Swiss OR: Let me stroke that fragile ego and build that self esteem so that you can stop sulking like a 2 year old boy whose pet just died.

We say: A microwave for my birthday, how nice.
We mean: Are you retarded? Guess I won’t be needing that lingerie tonight.

We say: Do you know what day it is?
We mean: You better remember you bastard, your entire sex life depends on this.

We say: Nothing’s wrong, it’s fine.
We mean: If you can’t recognise that I’m NOT fine and if you DON’T try to make it better, I’m going to throw this in your face at every argument/fight we may have for the next 20 years.

I'm sure there are plenty of other responses and comments that I may have left out.

33 comments:

  1. So thats what she meant , you should think of getting this published :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Welcome back :)

    Now thats the shit I am talking about!

    AZRA AZRA AZRA AZRA :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I ditto both your previous commentators :))))))))

    OH mY WorD :D

    LOL

    ReplyDelete
  4. this explains it well...think I will print a copy for the Husby to read :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. hahahahahahahahahha
    Azra - you are a star. Like I tell all bloggers whose posts make me lol for real,
    if you were here I would so dry hump the crap out of your leg now.

    And by that I mean I would...

    Nicely done. Its so much better than my post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I say : nice post
    I mean: nice post

    ReplyDelete
  7. Do I look fat?

    Means, LIE TO ME!

    These are all enlightening. When I was younger, I thought that when a woman said, "Fine!" that she meant it was ok. Now I know that when she puts her hands on her hips and says that, she doesn't mean it any more than it means she wants an answer to the question, "sweetheart, does this dress make me look fat?"

    Men simply have to admit to themselves that they're outmatched and go with the program.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AB - I'll look into it :)

    Mini - Thanx dude. Hope you're ok.

    KS - lol...we need to chat missy..catch you online soon :)

    Princess - I can't imagine you being so brutal :P

    OH - Thanks. Couldn't have done it without your post. Hope you enjoyed the DH :D I often wonder what I'll be like though :P

    Killa - Thanx dude.

    Edge - lol, remember some women may react differently

    LL - I imagine you have alot of experience with this...I wonder if your daughters are the same :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. lol this is good... THAT what women really mean...

    ReplyDelete
  10. We had some motivational training thing the other week, and there was a video where the guy said most arguments are misunderstandings not disagreements, which i think is true.

    He also said we listen to reply instead of listening to empathise/understand.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Haha! So very true. Thanks for enlightening all the guys out there :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. LOL! This was so funny! my favorite: We say: She’s pretty, isn’t she?
    We mean: If you even DARE look in her direction, I’m going to dig your fucking eyes out with this spoon.

    ---

    with the I just want to be friends interp., it could mean (MY VERSION) that i'm confused and not ready for any relationship and think you're cute and all but.. it ain't happening.

    ReplyDelete
  13. very insightful... Can you please elaborate on the following as to what you mean when you say
    1. ITS OK!
    2. TEA?
    3. WHAT'S YOUR PLAN FOR THE WEEKEND?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Azra, if you came to visit my home in California, you'd find true sisters in my daughters. They would echo everything you've said.

    ReplyDelete
  15. LOL Very cute! Im married and trust me its all sooooo true! You have great insight into the lives of married women. Well done. It needed to be said. Gonna put a copy in the hubby's lunch bag tom....

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anushay - Glad you enjoyed it :)

    Safiyya - Some notes for the future hubby hey :D

    Waseem - I would think that half of the arguments we have are misunderstandings and the other half are disagreements.
    Whoever said "we listen to reply instead of listening to empathise/understand"...thats spot on :)

    Sofi - Howya doing missy. Me miss London :)

    Index - I could write a whole book on men :)

    Floreta - I guess many women would share your sentiments in your version of "Just wanting to be friends" :)

    Sami - Ok...
    1.) "It's OK" is similar to my response to "Nothing's wrong, it's Fine"...both responses state that clearly, nothing is OK or fine.
    2.) "Tea" - Means "Lets go out for a drink to chat for a bit, but don't for a second think you're going to get anything out of this".
    3.) "Whats your plans for the weekend" could mean "Tell me what you're up to so that I know where you are and what you're doing for the 2 days I'm not going to be with you"...
    OR
    "If you want me to talk to you again, make sure that your schedule is not so busy that you can't ask me to join you for dinner/a movie etc.

    LL - I'm the type the really would visit...give me a couple of months :)

    SJO - Thanks, glad you enjoyed reading my perceptions :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Azra, I just DIED reading this! You are incredible! LOLOL

    isheeta

    ReplyDelete
  18. hahaha u may hav missed some responses but these cracked me up :D

    ReplyDelete
  19. Mash - I'm sure you'll hear some of these at some point in your life :)

    Ms Isheeta - I'm sure you'll have your own responses to blog about soon :D

    Mubi - Men and Women (together) are a funny subject in general :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hehehehe, yeah, that's pretty accurate!

    ReplyDelete
  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  23. lol so true everyone of them hilarious

    ReplyDelete
  24. And when she asks if you're thirsty, what she really means is get your ass into the kitchen and get me something to drink because I freakin'deserve to be waited on!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ahahahahaha!! I relate to the very last one, completely guilty of doing it all the time.

    ReplyDelete
  26. mikimbizi - :)


    Nadz - :))


    RCB - Sounds like you're talking from experience lol


    Michi - I'm sure D-man loves the challenge ;D

    ReplyDelete
  27. Las mujeres tenemos el cerebro más desarrollado según los estudios,pero leí que las geminis son las más mentirosas y desleales con doble presonalidad según un analista,hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  28. @Rosita - Tienes razón, las mujeres son más maduras que los hombres. Gracias Rosita. Un Abrazo!

    ReplyDelete