I told the OH that I’d attempt a response to his post about “what men say and what they really mean”. I emphasize the word attempt because it’s a known fact that women are much more intelligent than men, which subsequently makes us more dynamic and diverse in nature. Hence, what women may say and what they may actually mean would differ from woman to woman…whereas, it’s pretty standard amongst most men.
So at this juncture, I’d like to enforce my disclaimer and state that these are generalized versions of what women may say compared to what they may actually mean. I’ve never been married and I’m no authority on this subject, so all my responses are based on various individuals in conversations that I may have had or overheard. Please note that situations and reactions may differ significantly from woman to woman.
We say: I just want to be friends.
We mean: Dude, I’d rather date a monkey…you and me ain’t happening EVER.
We say: You’re such a nice guy.
We mean: For someone else, unfortunately you’re not my type and I’m not interested.
We say: No I don’t mind if we live with your parents in their huge empty house, because your Mother insisted…
We mean: That fucking sneaky manipulative bitch.
We say: I’ll be ready in 5 minutes.
We mean: You want a trophy-supermodel to parade around with your inflated ego. This hair does not do itself, so you’ll just have to wait the usual 90 minutes.
We say: I don’t know, when was the last time you had your car keys/phone/watch?
We mean: What am I? A Psychic? How the hell am I supposed to know where you leave your shit.
We say: I love your mother.
We mean: As much as I love a dog with rabies.
We say: I love having your friends over.
We mean: WTF, are they homeless? I’m not the bloody maid. Why don’t they just move in and you can sleep with them.
We say: Does this make me look fat?
We mean: If you can’t give me a decent compliment, you’re going to sleep with the dogs tonight you son-of-a-bitch.
We say: She’s pretty, isn’t she?
We mean: If you even DARE look in her direction, I’m going to dig your fucking eyes out with this spoon.
We say: Your friend’s are cool.
We mean: If you dropped dead tomorrow, that tall one is mine.
We say: I have a headache.
We mean: You’re not getting any tonight, and if you look at me like that again, you’ll never get any for the rest of your life.
We say: Are you going out fishing/to watch the game with the guys?
We mean: When are you leaving, I’m tired of your nagging ass. I need some alone time.
We say: What do you want for dinner?
We mean: You better tell me because the last time you said “I don’t know” you whined like a bitch for three days because I made baked beans.
We say: You look gorgeous.
We mean: Either: I really want those platinum diamond earrings I saw at American Swiss OR: Let me stroke that fragile ego and build that self esteem so that you can stop sulking like a 2 year old boy whose pet just died.
We say: A microwave for my birthday, how nice.
We mean: Are you retarded? Guess I won’t be needing that lingerie tonight.
We say: Do you know what day it is?
We mean: You better remember you bastard, your entire sex life depends on this.
We say: Nothing’s wrong, it’s fine.
We mean: If you can’t recognise that I’m NOT fine and if you DON’T try to make it better, I’m going to throw this in your face at every argument/fight we may have for the next 20 years.
I'm sure there are plenty of other responses and comments that I may have left out.