Monday, 26 October 2009

The Birds And The Bees

I voiced my opinions about the degeneration of society last week, and how evidence of that can be found in the content of what’s displayed on TV today. I stand by those sentiments. It’s so difficult to find something to watch that isn’t crammed with sexual innuendo. Teen shows like The OC, or even those supposedly innocent-earthy-family-homebound shows like Everwood seem to be brimming with with sexual content…everyone’s favourite topic. And again, maybe this is just indicative of how the world has changed.

I also find evidence of this change in the generation gap between me and my second youngest sister, Birdy. There’s a 9 year age gap between us, and it’s like we’re from different planets. Tweets and I are only 3 years apart, so we grew up with the same moral compass. A part of that moral compass dictates that anytime the ‘S’ word is mentioned in front of one of our parents, or two characters start sucking each other’s faces, we get up and leave the room. I’ll find myself, suddenly with urgent business to attend to, because there’s no way in HELL that I’m going to sit there and watch an uncomfortable sex scene with one of my parents.

But Birdy is different. She’ll talk about sex or anything related to sex in a very casual, nonchalant way in the company of my parents. It’s like her entire generation have no inhibitions or reticence and I find it weird how my parents reciprocate with open communication. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, especially since my parents have always talked to us like we’re adults or people in our own right, not their children. But when we were younger, and a couple was about to kiss on TV, one of them always changed the channel. These days Birdy could watch ‘Sex and the City’ with my Mother if she wanted to, while just the thought of watching two people kiss in front of my parents is enough to make me cringe, wince and recoil until my soul dives down to my feet, taking cover.

It’s not that I’m more inhibited, in fact, quite the opposite. Sex and sexual references is a favourite topic of conversation amongst my cousins, or on our girls day out, always has been. We can chat about anything, howling with laughter, tears in our eyes as they reveal the funniest details of married life. But for me, it remains a topic to chat or joke about with friends or peers…not your PARENTS! Eeeewwwww! I shudder at the mere thought of it.

A couple of weeks back, my Dad summoned all his daughters and revealed some of the most disturbing news I’ve heard in a very long time. As it turns out, the sexual indiscretions of various men in our society have come under the microscope. My Dad even went so far as to point out who they were, while our jaws plunged to the floor, teeth cracked. All of them are well known, well respected men, bearded folk, people we knew personally, men that we would NEVER have suspected to be guilty of such acts. Some of them have had long standing mistresses, which they housed and took care of financially, and in return these women took care of their more *ahem* physical needs.

At this juncture, my father paused to mention that there was a method to his madness and that he imparted this information not as gossip, but in an attempt to make us aware of what was going on around us. He then proceeded to tell us why good men behave this way. He said, “you see, in the Asian cultures, particularly with the Indians and Paki’s, sex is viewed as something dirty – sinful. Ironic since these are the same fuckers that came up with the Kama Sutra". *CRINGE-WORTHY-MOMENT-#1*

I could feel the tension between my sisters and I, binding us together like a magnetic force. He continued, "But anyway, people don't talk about it, they feel that they can't and shouldn't, but they forget that the Sahaba (RA) would approach the Prophet (SAW) and ask him all kinds of questions relating to sex in the open, it was a subject that was discussed in great depth in an academic context, to gain a greater understanding of how couples should and can relate to each other, within the boundaries of the Shariah. But fast forward a couple hundred years, and people are all hush hush about it – and the result is that you have a generation of animals on one side because they aren’t educated in these matters, and old fucking men on the other side, whose wives are too timid and rigid, or they’re not interested or invested in their husbands enough because they’re more worried about controlling their little bastards.” *CRINGE-WORTHY-MOMENT-#2*

My collar was suddenly up around my ears and I curled up slightly, not sure if I could stomach any more information of this nature, not from my father. Step-ma was rolling on the floor laughing…clearly amused at our discomfort.

My Dad continued, with the REALLY DISTURBING bit, telling us about what men want. He said “you see, men want women who are going to be good wives; women who will be able to cook for them and take care of their homes and look after their children; women who are ladies in the street, but whores in the bedroom”…at that point we were all screaming like banshees, hands covering ears, hiding behind the couch. I was sure that I was going to need therapy after this lecture. But my Dad felt he was just doing his job as the father, educating his daughters on how to be good women.

He said “too many women are fucking up their lives because they have too many expectations, or false perceptions of their roles in a marriage; don't make the same mistakes, be aware”…so I stuck up my hand from behind the couch and asked, “but what if the man is at fault?”, my father answered “then you tell me and I’ll sort him out with my gun”.

So there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen. You have it on good authority that its perfectly OK to screw each other’s brains out, preferably in the Legal way, bound with a marriage certificate; and if you're Muslim, within the confines of Shariah. Welcome to the new world.


  1. Hehehehe, it probably goes without saying that I have no desire to EVER participate in conversations about sex with my parents...

  2. My dad just that I should not have sex in the car because it's bad luck.

  3. It is true that the Muslim world's approach to sex and sexuality was much more liberal in the early days of Islam and even up to the 12th and 13th centuries when Muslims were the enlightened ones. Sex was discussed, written about, paintings were drawn, it was seen as a normal part of life and then suddenly it all changed.
    Recently in the Middle East, I've heard some Imams reaching out to the community and saying that acts of affection shouldn't be taboo, for example children learn behavioural patterns from parents so if a husband is affectoinate to his wife, the kids adopt similar behaviour as they grow and you're not left with adolescents getting married and totally oblivious on how to relate to members of the opposite sex.

  4. Oh gosh, I would've died in that situation.

    I remember watching East is East with my parents and I knew that there was this really hectic scene coming up, so I walked out of the room just before it did, making some excuse about blowing my nose or something.
    I remember hearing my father guffawing and my mother giggling from the tv room and when I walked back they were both very poker-faced.

    I do think that parents need to be open with their children, as this new generation seems to be learning about these things from the wrong sources.

    I love how your dad said, “then you tell me and I’ll sort him out with my gun”

  5. Meatbag - My parents are sado-masochists and love making us cringe and want to die :D

    Edge - Haha, thats funny!

    Desert Demons - It would be great it they could encourage some normality. I believe that if they remove the negative perceptions and connotations with regard to sex, then maybe most of our youth wont be such freaks and animals. I call them 'niks gewoond'...because most of them go on like they've never heard or seen the opposite sex before. It's ridiculous because people have been doing it since the dawn of time - its the natural procession of life. Its not this big bad wolf everyone makes it to be. I also believe that alot of the promuscuity in society can be attributed to the whole idea of the 'forbidden fruit'. I'm sure people wouldn't feel the need to act out like animals if the subject wasn't so taboo and people could communicate openly about it. Education is also key to having a healthier (and more natural) attitude when it comes to procreation.

    Fatima - I agree with the communication. I think alot of people mis interpret or don't understand what is meant by 'open communication'...alot of them think that it means condoning pre-marital sex. I think such dillusions and misconceptions should be clarified, because what we have these days are a bunch of ignorant youth who could care less about any law, never mind Islamic law...and I dont think they fully comprehend the magnitude of their actions. They know its wrong, but again they're compelled by the fact that it's so forbidden. Its a novelty because no one talks about it. My Jewish friend Justin pointed out something similar. He said that he couldn't understand why all the Indian guys went berserk when they saw women, they go on like hooligans.
    I had to explain to him that in their culture, sex is not discussed, everything is kept on the down low. If you say the word 'sex' people cringe and act like they were all products of immaculate conception. And when its discussed, its viewed as something dirty. Also, in this culture, women aren't suppose to want to have sex. And any discussion of the subject lead ignorant people to believe that you're promiscuous. The result is that cultures that are exposed to sex are more desensitized and are unlikely to drool all over their objects of affection, whereas these repressed guys are like bombs waiting to go off. They have no sense of self control or any manners in this regard. Its very disturbing actually.

  6. i look forward to meeting your Dad Az!

  7. *zesty is shocked* cor man.. your dad aint the beating around the bush type is he!
    Aint never had any such conversation with my folks thanks heavens.