Monday, 21 December 2009

Four Funerals & A Wedding

I don’t grieve. Four funerals in 10 days (all of them people I’ve been close to) and I realised that I either don’t grieve or I’m physically and emotionally incapable of grieving. Maybe we’re allotted a certain number of tears per lifetime and I’ve already used all of them in the first two decades. I would believe that if I didn’t cry eyes out every time I watch King Kong (the emotion in that gorilla’s eyes is just too much for me; fantastic digital effects).

Funerals. Seriously, I can’t grieve. Most of the time, I’m just in shock. Yes I’m sad, sullen and reflective. Yes there’s this hollow pit in my soul…a sense of loss…a hole in my heart…but it lasts for like ten minutes and then it’s gone. I suppose I find it hard to be sad when I believe that the person that has left us is gone to a better place - released from the agony of existing on earth. It’s like asking me to be sad that a pauper has won or inherited a couple million British Pounds. Its not gonna happen.

I did a post once, on why I hate weddings. I hate funerals too, for similar reasons. The number one reason would be Gossip. Apparently, funerals are the place to be when you haven’t seen someone in ages and they don’t have Facebook and it’s time to play catch-up. Then comes all the “how-you-doing-it’s-been-so-long-what-are-you-doing-now”, and “yes-yes-my-eldest-got-married-in-Nelspruit-small-town-but-I-was-just-telling-Fatima-that-she-must-visit-to-see-the-photos”…or even worse “did-you-hear-he-left-her-and-ran-away-with-that-girl-she’s-only-sixteen-shame-and-she-has-to-see-to-those- kids-all-by-herself”. It’s disgusting. Pays homage to the old adage that if you've got nothing good to say, don't say anything.

Then you get those women (I call them Crows) that hound the body of the deceased, wailing like fucking banshees. It doesn’t matter that the entire world knew how much the Crow HATED the deceased. It doesn’t matter that the entire world knows how the Crow tried to ruin the deceased’s life by either spreading false rumours…or by going to witch doctors to kill off the deceased with some black magic…or by hiring those guys to break into the house of the deceased to rob and terrorise the family etc. etc. All that is irrelevant to the Crow, who’ll howl and wail until the cows come home perhaps because they like pretending they’ve lost someone dear, that they’re the victims. They love the attention. It's embarrassing.

What about those vultur...I mean people who are only there for the food. They could care less about the deceased or the family. In all the funeral homes I’ve been to over those 10 days, very few people had respect for the dead. Very few reflected on the life of the deceased or offered heartfelt prayers. Everyone was just concerned about their own welfare or how they could benefit from visiting the funeral home with new stories, gossip and free food to take home with them.

My point is this. If people can’t offer their respects without indulging in other *ahem* recreational activities, then they should rather limit their visitation time to 10 minutes, or even better stay away and don't bother pitching up at all. I wouldn’t want any fuckers like that at my funeral and I’ll haunt the bitches who think they can show up and make a mockery out of my death. And that is why I can’t be sad for the deceased; because with friends and family like that, they’re obviously better off dead.


  1. You'd think some people would have better sense, especially when confronted with their own mortality.

  2. hmm... echo my thoughts; 8-17dec two funerals, a wedding and a birth all in the family. and yes, the same squalid behaviour. the same crying banshees with full make-up, wafts of peroxide stained hair showing out of convertible-style scarves. in grief, its always great to know that you can do a full face of war paint. and a ghd artwork. and of course, waterproof mascara. looks perfect all day through the screaming, wailing, whatevering. theatre's of gross (mis)-representation never fail to amuse and disgust in equal measure. and after everything quietens down, the frail old people who have buried young sons,and their young widows with infants in their arms, will be left alone to try to recapture that final moment for closure's sake. not much solace there...

  3. Very pessimistic, I've to say.. Though I love the threat at the end! :)

  4. Saaleha - I think people are so self-involved these days that they don't or can't see beyond their own lives. Quite sad really.

    Shafinaaz - Don't get me started on the fashion brigade. I saw more 'fashion' in those 10 days than New York Fashion week. You're absolutely right - it's purely theatrical. Very disturbing indeed.

    Arslan - It may sound pessimistic to you, but here its very realistic. And a sad reality at that.

  5. You echo my thoughts on funerals. It disgusts me and at my grandmothers funeral I kicked people who were there to socialise out of the room.

    I have told my parents and my brothers that I want the simplest affair. I would preferably like Ghusl made immediatly and taken staright to the cemetry. If my family feel the need to bring the body home, it's only immediate family and very close friends. That's it. If you truly care that Im dead, pray for me from wherever you are. Im sure it will be sincere and I'll appreciate it

  6. i hate these things too. I keep my attendance to a bare bare minimum.

  7. I'm a naive idealist I know .. and maybe it's just my rose tinted spectacles, which don't allow me to see what goes on around me.

    I tend not to attend funerals of people I don't personally know.. so the last one I was at was one of my father's uncles almost 18 months ago. A healthy old man .. he died doing what he loved, always out and about .. he fell off his roof, adding the finishing touches onto a new room for his grandchild.

    And yes I agree that on days 2 and 3 when distant family and long lost friends came to pay their respects I witnessed the people who came to drink tea .. but I also hope and believe that these people said a dua or two. I remember being peeved when my father and I were part of a small handful of men who sat down to read; but as my father said then - it's almost not part of our culture of death.

    In contrast, on the day of the mayat ... i witnessed only genuine sorrow; real heartfelt pain - perhaps a unique experience? Or just me not seeing everything that is occurring?

  8. Emmy - I agree. Told my mom that if I should go, to keep it short and sweet. No wailing etc.

    Prixie - yup ;)

    UJ - Oy Vey. Where DO you live? Tell me so I can move there too, because the world I live in is not so pretty.

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  10. so you get the banshees too? nice to know!