Monday, 14 December 2009

Life Happens

Oh where do I start? I have so much I want to say, but I’ve been so busy over the past few weeks that I haven’t had much time to say anything. And now, suddenly, it’s the end of the year already (can you believe it?!?) and instead of winding down, I find myself as busy as ever but for all the wrong reasons.

Busy with what you may ask? This is the part where I say ‘don’t ask’. You know how sometimes you get caught up in things and events that aren’t yours, or when you find yourself doing a whole lot of things that need to be done, that you didn’t plan to do…that’s my life these days. For instance, early last week someone I’ve gotten quite close to this year passed away very suddenly. Needless to say, it was a huge shock to everyone and attending the funeral was surreal. I’ve been at the home of the bereaved every day since, lending a helping hand where ever I can and grieving with the family.

The irony of it all was that just a few weeks prior, we planned to have this massive get-together to celebrate life, and there we were all gathered as planned but not in the most ideal of settings and sans one of the main characters in our story. And still left reeling from the shock, I've spent most of my nights since steeped in reflection, trying to come to terms with the year that was.

I can confidently state that 2009 has been one shit year. Well, the latter part of 2009 for me and my family anyway. In the last 6 months, I’ve lost my job and survived a traumatic court case with the company (and thankfully won). But thats not all folks, and in the same period of time within my small close-knit family:

o Cousin B had also lost his job for some or other stupid reason,
o 3 members of my family had gotten divorced,
o Uncle A was and is still recovering from surgery that has left him incapacitated and very frustrated,
o Aunt K barely survived through Chemo & Radiation after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer,
o Cousin N was told she can’t have children,
o Uncle K had been in 3 motor vehicle accidents all in the same month,
o Cousin F was diagnosed with Lupus,
o Uncle M was rushed to hospital with a near fatal bleeding ulcer...

Etc Etc Etc

Suffice to say, when it rains it pours shit I tell ya...and these have been trying times and things haven’t been exactly peachy in the family. This year has unearthed and unleashed all kinds of worms, vermin and obstacles for us to deal with and every piece of bad news is a blow we endure as a collective. Its funny how something that has absolutely nothing to do with you, can still affect you. It’s like we’re all walking on eggshells and I’ve come to dread the sound of the phone ringing, in case it’s some more bad news:

Dear Lord Almighty
You know how much I like you and I really don't mean to sound ungrateful. but I've had enough shit for the next lifetime. I get it now. Thank You.
Your's Forever Faithfully
Azra xxx

In retrospect, this year wasn’t a total bust. I’ve managed to fulfill some of my resolutions, goals and objectives…like my LIVE campaign. I’ve managed to take some time and do something new every month and they have all been rewarding experiences. I also take away some valuable lessons…lessons some people usually take a lifetime to learn so I’ll count myself lucky:

Lesson #1: Vengeance, no matter how justified, is never the answer. Besides, karma is a bitch and what comes around usually goes around 10 fold, so why give him/her the easy way out.

Lesson #2: Arrogance will never get you anywhere. In Islam there’s a reason that our Creator despises Pride…because it leads to arrogance and arrogance usually makes people delusional enough to think that they can just go around doing whatever they want without facing the consequences.

Lesson #3: Sometimes its better to keep ones mouth shut, especially when there’s nothing good to say. And in this world filled with jealous people who have sinister intentions sometimes the less you reveal, the better for you.

Lesson #4: I’ve found that the only way I can live the life I want is if I relinquish control to a higher power and TRUST that the Lord Almighty knows what He’s doing and that it always works out for the best.

Lesson #5: Education is the key to freedom. Know your rights in any situation, in every capacity so that people don’t take advantage of your good nature.

Lesson #6: The world will only be a better place when we can all accept each other for who we are, not sitting in judgement of each other and inspiring change rather than dictating it.

Lesson #7: Life really does happen when we’re busy making other plans.

Lesson #8: Faith is a gift that has to be cherished and nurtured. We often take our Imaan (Faith) for granted, unaware that we can loose it in an instant. Faith is like a growing child that you have to constantly watch over to ensure that he/she is on the right path…that he/she is safe and taken care of.

So this year has been one major learning curve for me…learning the hard lessons and leaving me emotionally drained. But I don’t mind to be honest, because I’d rather learn them now than in my 30’s or 40’s. I don’t want to be one of those people that go through life blind and oblivious to the truths of life. Ignorance is not bliss. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, all we have is our hope and faith. And I’m choosing to have faith and hope that this coming year will be much better since nothing lasts forever. I’ve also decided that instead of making plans, I’m going to go where life takes me and trust that it’s where I need to be.

2 comments:

  1. I know I could never possibly imagine the shit year you've been through, but I am pretty sure there will come a time when you will actually reflect on this year, and be grateful that you didnt have it much worse.

    That will also be the year that will be the best year, thus puttings things in perspective.

    It is unfortunate that this person you were close to was taken away from you and your family, but think of it this way... at least you got to spent some precious time with this person before it happened.

    o Cousin B who lost his job... will find another job. If not now, eventually he/she will.
    o The 3 members of my family had gotten divorced .. maybe now the fighting and the sadness that occured when they weren't divorced, will stop
    o Uncle A may have lost a lot, but this is all the more reason for him to fight back for the things that have left him incapacitated and frustrated. Its never over until he decides its over.
    o Aunt K barely survived.. the key word here is survived, not barely. For that, Alhamdullillah.
    o This is when she shows herself and the world the meaning of charity, by being a source of support who are in the same boat as her, and by finding other avenues that make her happy (eg adopt)
    o Uncle K survived all 3 motor vehicle accidents all in the same month
    o What doesn't kill Cousin F will make Cousin stronger.. Lupus will not kill, but Lupus will make him/her value and live his/her life with a sense of dignity and pride
    o Its a good thing Uncle M was rushed and saved, as opposed to none of those..

    I dont mean to make light of those situations Azra, I think you and our family has been through hell and back, and I am praying that the madness will stop. I only posted all of that to alleviate the pain and make you see a light at the end given all the lessons you had mentioned, your time of bliss is long overdue and inshallah coming sooN!!

    Much love,

    isheeta

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  2. Isheeta - Thanks for taking the time to comment & I know you're not making light of the various situations. Just thought I'd tell you that even with all the adversity, we're all doing great Alhamdulila. I come from a very emotionally strong family, and we're not the type of people that crumble to floor on our knees crying 'why'...we just move on...we even make fun of the various situations, because its just so ludicrous. And why cry when you can laugh your ass off ;)

    I guess my post sounds so morbid and hopeless, but I'm not morbid or hopeless. I realise I'm very lucky to be in the family setting I'm in. They don't whine etc, its just another day and life moves on. I was just trying to illustrate that what happens to other people can and will indirectly affect you and that we're not islands even though we'd like to be.

    I hope you're well and enjoying married life :D

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