Monday, 11 January 2010

We See What We Want To See

Oi, for a moment there I thought there was something wrong with me because it seems like every person I come into contact with is either seriously delusional or living in an alternate dimension that I don’t know about. Or maybe it’s me, maybe I’m the one who’s two grapes short of a fruit salad. Now I know some of you will vaguely remember Farhana and her special kind of asshole, Junaid The Liar. Let me update and elaborate on this little tale of deceit.

Junaid The Liar and Farhana were what you’d call ‘an item’ for a grand total of 3 years and some odd months. From the very beginning, they seemed to be perfect for each other…they looked good together, were from the same culture & religion, had the same priorities etc. etc. Farhana liked him because he ticked every box on her list of what she wanted in a man and slowly grew to love what he represented. Junaid liked the fact that Farhana was independent and somewhat domineering because it meant that his indecisive-chicken-shit-ass didn’t have to step up to the plate and be the man in the relationship or make any decisions that required a degree of responsibility. His parents loved her and being an only child, that was an added bonus.

After the first year together, Farhana and Junaid became a permanent fixture in each others homes and were well acquainted with each other’s families (and extended families) as well. It seemed like marriage would be inevitable. At first, it was funny¹ as they laughed and planned every detail of their lives together from the wedding colours to the names of their children for months…then it was funny².
(Pulling an Irfaan here: ¹ as in funny-haha; ² as in funny-weird)

Year one became year two when Farhana found out about the lies. It seemed like Junaid was taking lessons from Riaz – The Whore/Player and x-rated mxit chats became his game. Add to that, his burgeoning career as a pimp on facebook. Naturally, Farhana was livid and confronted him about his extracurricular activities. He apologized profusely saying it “wasn’t him” and that those girls initiated contact blah blah bloody-blah…

That one time eventually became many times over the course of the next year and every time he’d cry like the spineless bitch that he was and Farhana would forgive him and take him back. The question of marriage loomed ever more as they entered their third year together and suddenly, Junaid was more than a little queasy every time someone broached the subject. See, it was time to step up and his pansy ass couldn’t do it because he was having too much fun playing the Best Friend just like Danyaal.

Things reached a crescendo when Farhana’s parents called a meeting with him and his parents, keen to know his intentions. Two hours, four cups of tea and a million excuses later, he said that he wanted to get married but just not yet. When asked if they could get engaged at the very least, so that some form of Islamic decorum could be maintained, he declined. To add insult to injury, his mother added that she cared for Farhana like a daughter, but felt that her son was too young to get hitched.

And so, after 3 years and some odd months, what once appeared to be the flower of perfection withered and died in the frost of deceit and betrayal. It was officially over for Farhana and Junaid and she was devastated. He recovered quite nicely by going out with Priyanka a week later. They remained friends at first, with Farhana secretly hoping that he’d change his mind and sweep her off her feet, riding off into the sunset and the beginning of their happily ever after. But eventually, she began to uncover other secrets he had kept hidden in their time together and as the truth about who he really was became apparent, it was too much to bear and she severed all ties with him.

But it didn’t end there. After a few weeks, she received a phone call from her ex-future-mother-in-law who called to say that they missed her and that she should visit them (At this point I was like WTF?). Even more surprising was that Farhana decided to be a masochist and entertained their request by visiting them a few days later. Soon, the phone calls became more frequent…sometimes from Junaid (while he was still seeing Priyanka) and sometimes from his mother… and in her little heart of hearts, Farhana thought that there was still hope…that maybe, just maybe the remnants of their shattered past together could be saved and restored to it’s former glory.

But, as the British say, nothing doing. It’s been a year since they broke up and a couple of weeks ago when she went to visit, Junaid ignored her while his parents pretended they were friends. I was with Farhana when she received a phone call from the ex-monster-in-law. Her sugar sweet conversation with this woman left me nauseated. When she got off the phone, I asked her why she still entertained these phone calls and requests to visit, when clearly Junaid had moved on with Priyanka and seeing as this was the same woman who didn’t want her son to get married to Farhana in the first place. Farhana said she was just being ‘respectful’…and that it would have been easier to ignore this woman if she wasn’t so ‘nice’.

At this point, I couldn’t take it anymore. Not known for my tact, I told her that this woman was NOTnice’, because a ‘nice’ person would have told her son to commit if he really liked Farhana and not mess her around for over 3 years. This woman was not ‘nice’ because she flat out stated that she didn’t think that Farhana was worthy of her precious son. And to top it off, she continually disrespects Farhana by calling her like some fucking stalker AFTER the whole debacle – after telling her son not to marry her.

Worse of all is that Farhana thinks that she is genuinely concerned and looks like the asshole every time she goes around to their place, pretending that everything is great. On the subject of Junaid…he is never going to change. A man who can lie about the colour of his shirt and not even know he’s doing it is clearly a lost cause. Not even mentioning that he cheated not once, but many times and will in all likelihood remain a cheater – now who wants to be married to a piece of shit like that. He calls her sometimes, and then joins the "We-broke-up!-You're-my-ex!-Stay-out-of-my-life" group on facebook with public notifications so that the world knows how he feels. And this eternal hope that Farhana carries around that he’ll change his mind is ludicrous. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away…and if he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Farhana wasn’t too happy with me when I voiced my opinions. The truth hurts. I don’t care, I’d rather have her hate me now then sit by and watch as she continually makes an ass of herself with her grandiose delusions that it will all work out eventually. And if I was going to act like a Doos, I’d expect one of my friends to slap the shit out of me and not leave me to humiliate myself on a loop like a record stuck on re-play. I don’t expect Farhana to be nasty, she’s not that type, but I don’t expect her to continue in this sick twisted tale either…being the puppet to their strings…the dog that comes running every time they snap their fingers if and when they feel like it. Are people really that desperate?!?! No self-respecting woman will allow anyone to treat her like that.

The way I see it, Junaid never had any intentions of marrying Farhana. For him the relationship was convenient because he got along well with her family, his parents liked her, she is successful in her career etc. She had all the ingredients of what he should want in a girl. But Junaid liked to walk on the wild side too, and nobody counted on that.

So maybe I am the crazy and unreasonable one…maybe what Farhana is doing is the right course of action, after all her father encourages it. But I cannot make sense of it. All I do know is if that was me, I would have told that woman to fuck off a long time ago…because anyone who can’t respect me and my needs doesn’t deserve my respect in return. I would have told her and her waste-of-skin-of-a-son that if they didn’t leave me alone, I was going to burn down their fucking house with a truckload of kerosene and them inside. It’s called self-preservation and if you don’t take care of yourself, who do you think is going to.


  1. the part of "proper" relationships that're logistically perplexing, for me anyway, is marrying (ha!) the idea of short courtship with the idea of waiting till we're ready and able.

    there should be more jim/pam in the world.

  2. I sometimes wonder how it is that you know so many people who end up in these situations?

    Sad no doubt but almost entirely of their own making

  3. Its not even love that's making her take all this shit just some image of herself that she wants to keep up. Some martyr mentality I suppose.

    Your understanding of human nature is terrific.

  4. Irfaan - Haven't watched The Office yet (dunno know, no plausible excuse here). But the whole 'dating' thing is not for me. I want to meet someone, just click, and get on with the "i do, yes i do, yes i'll make the beans, yes i'll make the rice"...People like me shouldn't be given time to opt out :D

    UJ - I live in the Real World :D Theres always a lesson to learn somewhere.

    Mikimbizi - Thanks ;) Yup, exactly. She has this image of what life with him will be like - based on assumptions - and she's looking at it like a Monet painting where from far it looks great but up close its a big mess.

  5. This post made my blood boil.

    I have so many words that I can't even express them appropriately as they will probably come out as #$%@$%!

  6. Fatima - Yeah I know. And thats why I couldn't keep quiet any longer. I have very few friends because of my big mouth :P Thing is, its only because I care. If I didn't care, I would have sat there laughing at her stupidity.

  7. i have to agree with you, what Farhana is doing is self destructing.