Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Who Makes Up This Shit

So my cousin sent me this chain mail because she’s a superstitious cow (but hey “I don’t tell her what flavour jam to eat outta her bosses ass” so I’m not judging). It was titled “25 things girls don’t realize about guys” and as I read through it I thought to myself, what bullshit. When this kind of crap is circulated, it’s dangerous because it validates and perpetuates false perceptions from people who are already retarded and delusional – it’s like giving a crack addict cocaine labeled as Vitamin C. My comments in green.

You HAVE to read all of them and if you don't your going to come across with problems on your relationship for the next month! (You sound drunk, I can’t take you seriously)

1. Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.... (Please. The only thing he’s thinking about is getting laid)

2. Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try. (Yeah I’m sure it hurts all of the 2 seconds it takes to let you go)

3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. (Er, you mean boobs)

4. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. (Duh, even if he doesn’t like you he wants to be the only one, they’re jealous and selfish like that)

5. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved. (Only if his Momma still breast-feeds his pansy ass and he’s an insecure overgrown boy seeking approval)

6. Guys don't care how gorgeous you are. (Ok, now you’re just lying. Rosebank or Sandton on a Saturday night…the amount of slutty plastic girls is directly proportional to the amount of tongues dragging on the floor)

7. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out. (No.1 Guys don’t think, unless its about sex – so you’re more likely to get freshly squeezed orange juice from a rock then to get an assumption. No.2. Unless you tell him to his face, he’ll never “assume he did something wrong” out of his own free will)

8. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice. (Not the guys I speak to)

9. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. (So he must be crushing on Harry in Accounts because he calls him ‘Porky’ every 2 minutes)

10. Guys love you more than you love them. (Bwahahahahaha, I’d like to meet this guy)

11. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot. (Either that or he’s gay – “its gorgeous darhling”)

12. No matter how much guys talk about whats on the outside, personality is key. (I might just believe you)

13. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant but some know that it was just prolly nothing so if it is supposed to mean something then make that meaning noticable so that they can react on the spot. (Didn’t we cover this in #7? This guy sounds more and more like a girl)

14. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl. (Because he'll wonder if it ruined his chances of getting laid)

15. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something (You’re right, he’s really really thinking about getting laid)

16. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that. (It’s because he never got laid)

17. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me” (No, he’s actually saying 'fuck off' but he's trying to be kind because he still has hope that he'll get laid)

18. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. (Because we women know that those bouts of wisdom come around as often as Haleys comet)

19. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. (Yeah, he’s undressing you with his mind. Stab him in the eye, it will create a distraction)

20. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them. (That’s the slutty clothes calling)

22. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it. (Tell us something we don’t know)

23. Not all guys are jackasses. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of them (No, only 97%. The other 3% represent the handicapped :P)

24. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible (He’s hoping you’ll take pity on him and that he’ll finally get laid)

25. Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life (That would explain him burning everything you ever gave him and the “Die Bitch” sprawled across your driveway in red paint)

Everything said in this bulletin is TRUE (And I’m Sigourney Weaver on Steriods)

6 comments:

  1. Ok ill give you a guys perspective. I don't think I'm a normal guy though, not like im super suave cos im different and stuff, it's just that I don't treat women like objects.

    1. If they're flirting they probably don't care about that one all that much IMO. I dont think guys sit up and think about stuff that much

    2. Guys say i love you for sex usually, if they can say it easily it probably doesnt mean much to them.

    3. Personally I agree with this one. Not sure of the rest of guys. Not crazy about smile though, it's just a good attribute.

    4. Your comment is true, but when you like a girl it's worse cos jealousy eats you up. I'm trying to get control of this.

    5. No they don't, they assume everything is the same unless your behaviour tells them different.

    6. They care if you're ugly but beauty can be in the eye of the beholder usually

    7. This is actually true, I dont know why girls do that, is it just to be confusing.

    8.wtf is the point of telling yourproblems then. This part the guy does sound like a girl

    9. This is only true in primary school

    10. Depends, maybe it's unrequited shit, but usually i think the girl is the one more in love.

    11. who the f**k uses cute, that is gay. only girls use the word cute.

    12. this is for long term, if its not long term they dont care.

    13. I personally think way too much but not only about girls about everything. I think too much, it's a problem.

    14. I think about stupid stuff even if it's in front of a stranger, I call it cringeworthy moments and I remember them long after the person involved has forgotten.

    15. i dont know about this one but sounds like nonsense

    16. i dont know any guy who says this, except in hindi movies.

    17. No he means to leave him alone.

    18. Should you not listen to him otherwise?

    19. longer than a second? wtf, isn't that called eye contact?

    20. It's true they're confusing etc. but doesn't make us drawn to them it's just that we don't have a choice. I wish girls could be more simple and straightforward.

    (there's no 21)

    22. Who can handle their problems on their own? Girls can be even more stubborn.

    23. Most guys are assholes.

    24. I would think so, but your comment could be true too.

    25. No I would get over her, depends on the relationship itself. Also depends if we can find someone new.

    Damn that's a long comment.

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  2. Thanks for your take on things :D I read everything, point for point in comparison to mine. From what I know...or from the people I've encountered - I find that very few guys are so emo (it's only this new generation thats like that).

    I also know that most guys don't pay attention to details and they don't think their relationships to death. (I know some people, like you who think alot in general - but I'm talking relationship specific here).

    I think in alot of ways, guys are much simpler than what this email suggests. I also know that men are visual creatures and hunters. Also most of the time they're clueless. Very few are deep and emotional etc.

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  3. Hehhhehehehhehehe..... this is perfect. I'd like to see their faces when they read this.

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  4. Funny funny .. some guys do think though; i'll do a full comment a la Waseem when i've got some time

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  5. oh my, how long! how funny! men...blech...

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  6. hah that cracked me up.

    Boobs FTW!

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