It’s that time of the year again, when I get to party guilt-free for an entire month (well it’s more like eight weeks now) thanks to a few hundred birthday celebrations, including my own. March people rock boulders, so it’s all good. April people come in a close second. This year celebrations have been extended to include bouncing bundles of joy, new additions to the family and friendship circles as well as a bridal shower of note.
So I’m in the midst of planning the party of the century with my girls right (more on that over here), when it occurs to me that I’m bored of the same-old same-old. There are no fresh party ideas or theme’s to enthrall me and I find myself thoroughly bored with every suggestion put on the table. Everything’s become so last season… been-there-done-that… or know someone who did it… or just plain BORING!
And then it hit me like lightening (no I didn’t get hurt, just electrically charged), what if I made up my own fucked up themes that were totally arbitrary and the epitome of outrageous? My mind went into overdrive and here are a few of my ideas:
I thought it would be great to spend my 28th birthday with a twisted themed party called The Wedding Fight Club. Indulge me will you, and imagine this… me in a stunning wedding dress, flawless makeup and my hair done and neatly piled on my head, framed with an exquisite tiara. The entire image would be the embodiment of perfection, except for the butcher’s knife (fake of course) sticking out of my chest and the blood splattered everywhere on my face, arms and the white dress. I want to look like Cinderella with a Tarantino twist.
A cleaner, prettier version of this:
All my girls would wear ugly 80’s inspired shocking pink bridesmaid dresses that are torn in various places and they’d each have to wear their hair tosseled, with missing accessories and either a fiberglass cast on a leg or an arm, a blue/purple eye and various other cuts and bruises while limping on broken stiletto’s and holding ruined bouquet’s etc. to simulate an image of an after-fight. I want to put him in a tuxedo with a few buttons torn off the shirt, the sleeve ripped off from his jacket and a gaping laceration running across his cheek and the groomsmen aka other male party guests will be adorned similarly, donning fiberglass casts, bandages, neck braces and other injury-related apparel.
The birthday cake would be a beautiful wedding cake that looks like it was tossed out on its ass… literally turned upside down. Guests will get to take home party favours like broken plates that have to be glued together to spell out “thank you for sharing this special day with me”. For fun, there’ll be bride and groom piñatas, hanging by their necks from a tree and a few baseball bats for guests to take their shots and we could all rock out to various renditions of Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance”. A perfect ending would be to drive away into the sunset in a convertible with the top down, windscreen smashed to smithereens and a huge sign saying, “Just turned 28”. How cool would that be?!?
Or how about a party where everyone comes as an eating disorder? Like Ana-Rexia.
Or one of the seven deadly sins? Imagine coming to the party as “Lust” and being wrapped in yards of cellophane to closely resemble a large condom.
One of my favourite ideas is a Shower theme where everyone gets dressed up and adorned with various accessories and appendages to resemble their showers at home. The party would be held in the rain where soap, body wash, shampoo, conditioner and other sanitation products like loofahs, sponges and towels are handed out as party favours. Jacob Zuma would be on the guest list so getting the entire street cordoned off won’t be an issue. Snacks would include comfort foods like pizza and cake, served with an array of hot drinks under small tents set up on the side and the playlist would include songs like “Shower the people” by Babyface and James Taylor as well as “My girlfriend’s shower sucks” by Goldfinger. Now how cool would that be!?!
We’ve already experimented with a few other fucked up themes… story and pics over here, these are for real yo.