Friday, 9 April 2010

Growing Pains

There’s something to be said about living with your parents for too long. That’s why some people get married young, or get their own places and move out, or get kicked out by their parents. Mother can’t wait to kick us out. I had moved out once, but then moved back in when I returned to the country and sometimes I wish that I’d gotten my own place way back then.

The truth is that after a certain age, you need to take a breather and go at it alone… get your own freakin life y’know. Then when you’ve had your share, your slice of life, you can take care of your aging parents until they die without the guilt and resentment of not having lived your own life.

In my case, it’s not that I don’t have the freedom to do as I please, when I please… buying my “freedom” by getting married and becoming someone else’s problem has never been an issue.

It’s just that while you can communicate and relate to each other better than ever before, after a certain amount of time, there is that inevitable clash of personalities… because the child is no longer a kid and parents tend to get caught up in time warps… where one moment they’re talking to you like you’re 7 years old again, but come end of the month when the rent is due, then you’re very much the adult again.

I love my Parents, and the Lord knows that if I could sew them to my hips like appendages, I would. But, I’m thinking it’s time for a breather, where I can appreciate them just that tiny bit more. The thought of leaving is always gut-wrenching… but yeah if there is one thing about life, its that it goes on. So if loving and appreciating them more means standing on my own two feet, then so be it. For good reasons too:

MOTHER: (over breakfast in the kitchen) You girls are so dramatic and theatrical. When are you going to learn? Must you always put on a performance? Must everything always be this big issue?

ME: What did I do now?

SIS: Do you think I should dye my hair that mocha shade or auburn?

MOTHER: You’re over-zealous and too passionate. It’s like the other day, when you sneezed in the passage… I could hear you all the way in my bathroom saying ALHAMDULILLAH (Praising God). Now was that necessary? Was it necessary to say it so loud and with such gusto?

ME: So what?!? I was glorifying God!

SIS: I’m thinking auburn, or maybe even chestnut…

MOTHER: Yes, but how are you going to keep a man like that? Men want ladies, soft spoken ladies, not boisterous loud women…

SIS: So what do you think Mother? Auburn or chestnut?

ME: (answering T but directing commentary to Mother) I don’t know WHY you insist on asking her… I mean, THIS IS THE SAME WOMAN WHO HAS ISSUES WITH ME PRAISING THE LORD!!! Never mind your stupid hair!!

(Everyone in the kitchen ROTFL’s)

MOTHER: See, there you go being all dramatic again.

Needless to say, stupid things become frustrating (although thankfully with us, it’s always hilariously frustrating). As an adult you become your own person and it’s difficult for someone who was responsible for your growth, someone who gave birth to you and reared you from childhood, who had all the authority and control for all those years, to reign in that authority and let you be.

So yeah, I'm looking to move out soon and come Monday, I will be officially on the job market if there is anyone hiring, even though my ex-ex-boss (whom I've been helping over the past couple of months on a few cases) would rather have me chained to his company. And I can and will do anything except ironing and sexual favours. I think I should also mention that I'm a little on the expensive side... MBA will do that to you... so I don't get out of bed for peanuts. But I'm worth every cent, thats a promise ;)


  1. I hear ya, girlfriend. at the moment i am contemplating leaving the house too! yes, the parental units even breath annoyingly!

  2. I've been living alone for four years now, and apart from independence and other things, I realized that my parents tend to appreciate me as a person more when I am away. On those rare visits home they are so full of joy. While living in close proximity, all our faults were magnified in each others eyes. But after I moved to a different city we started being more comfortable and appreciative of each other.

    Yeah, move out just for the heck of it, you can always come back no? That's what homes are for, for the prodigal children to come back to whenever they want. :)

    Have a nice day.

  3. lol at ur sis

    moving out can be as hectic and straining as staying in- cleaning, cooking, shopping- did i mention cleaning and cooking?

    now that im married and have my own house- i appreciate my parents sooo much more- it takes a village to run a house as smoothly as my mother's!!

    if u do decide to hit the road- good luck- u myt just turn back at the door though! :)

  4. so what colour dye did she decide on? :p

    as for moving out...dont u think that pakistani parents (esp living in pk) are reluctant about the idea of their children moving out???

  5. Prixie - LOL! I reckon 28 is a good age to move on (& the 2 years in and out of London don't really count because I came back here)... I still have to find a job that will allow me to take up accomodation elsewhere. And good luck to your contemplations too ;)

    mikimbizi - I know what you mean. When I was in London, I was loved y'know. Now I'm just a part of the furniture lol! I think being away is the best way you can appreciate each other. And yeah, you can always come back home, thats the beauty of it all :)

    dreamlass - Your mother sounds like a dream lol! Re: the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. etc., I already do all that... (on top of paying rent on the 1st of every Month - yeah I get a proper invoice from Mother). I've actually been doing it since I was 9 years old (not the rent part :P). I have a mother who's a firm believer is raising self-sufficient children and I am so grateful for that but now its time to move on. I have lived alone before in London and I actually quite liked it. I did thing sot my specifications as how I liked them done... all except the ironing (so I only bought and wore clothes that didn't need to ironed lol) :D

    Mubi - She went with Auburn lol. I don't know about Pakistani parents per se (because I was bornand brought up here in SOuth Africa)... but I do know that all South Asian parents aka the Desi's have a culture where the children only move out after they're married... and I find that rule extends beyond religion and has become very much part of the Desi culture :)

  6. I so agree with you on everything i need to move out asap as well, i was just sitting an hour ago thinking how am i going to make that happen...

  7. I am forever in love with your energy, Lady A :)
    Awesome post once again!
    ALL the best for the job hunt. May the juiciest picks be for you to choose from! xoxo

  8. Nadia - We will make it happen don't worry ;) Where there is a will, there's always a way. Now just to find it :D

    Shafinaaz - Much thanks Lady S ;D I'm busy with a "self make-over" at the moment. Making over myself for the better InshaAllah Ameen :)