Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Coz things are different but that doesn't necessarily mean they're better...

The one thing I always struggle to wrap my mind around is a male chauvinist pig. Worst still, is a male chauvinist pig that’s married and has the gall to try and pick up women like they're cheap whores. For some reason, every now and then, I have to meet some kind of MCP and they're always of the perverted-middle-aged-aka-Old-Bastard-married-Indian variety and they always hit on me... and no I don’t mean talking or those casual conversations that normal people have or even flirting or teasing playfully... I mean they ACTUALLY think that they have a chance to get their grubby paws all over me.

Aside from the prospect being an affront to ALL my senses (even those senses that I don’t possess) I find this to be the ultimate form of disrespect, not only for myself but for women-kind in general. Any man who disrespects me (and his wife) like that needs to be murdered. I never did like leftovers and I’m beginning to dislike old dried out biltong (beef jerky) too.

Now I’ve already complained about how most of the (Indian Muslim) guys here in SA go on like they’ve never seen women before. And naturally, this brings out the ruthless evil bitch in me. Hell hath no fury and I find that the best way to retaliate is to go right for the gut – that wonderfully inflated ego – and crush it like you would crush a crystal glass under the weight of a bowling ball.

Some of my favourite retaliatory quips are “women with asses like mine, don’t go for men with faces like yours” OR “sorry grandpa but I think you left your hearing aid and your manners at home” OR “I wouldn’t even piss on your teeth if your gums were on fire” OR the old trusty “Fuck Off”. Most times, I have to resist the urge to set them on fire and say “how you like me now?”.

It’s actually quite funny, but white men never ever hit on me - maybe it’s a cultural thing - or maybe this is South Africa and they’re all racist… who knows. Anyways, this fact solidified my belief that the concept of “The Gentleman” lives on, but that it only exists in Caucasian males. But alas, my theories were all shot to hell on a long distance phone call with my new Swedish aunt (well aunt doesn’t really cut it because she’s barely 5 years older than I am – but she is married to my uncle who happens to be only 3 years older than I am so aunt has to do).

So, on this long distance call to Copenhagen, my aunt kindly informed me that the case of “The Gentleman” is in fact a dying breed – most have already been declared and buried and most men, especially amongst the younger generations in Scandinavia are no different to our modern day assholes.

I was mildly devastated at this revelation that all the good men are dead and was about to dive head first into my jar of Nutella when she assured me that there are still some decent guys out there and that not all of them are sexual predators or pedophiles.

I spent the next few days wondering if previous generations of females had to worry about all the decent men being dead. I seriously doubt that. I don’t think that a hairy-pot-bellied-balding-ass ever propositioned my Grandmother like she was some kind of hooker. And even if there were one or two mofo’s like that, Grandma would have knocked them senseless with an iron rod (coz she was hardcore too and no one ever messed with her).

Such occurences (if any) were hush hush because back then, most people were decent folk. But at the same time, Grandma didn’t have it easy either. She had a demanding husband (as most men were at that time) who liked having things done his way. She had to be up early in the morning making his breakfast... followed by running his bath and taking out his clothes. And every evening she had to ensure the meal was prepared just the way he liked it and that he was a happy goat. Grandpa went out to work every day, providing for his family's needs. He came from the same breed that gave way to women. They were real men.

As I get older, the one thing that's become really apparent to me is that no matter how much we think we've progressed as a society, things haven’t changed all that much. In fact, if anything, they’ve just gotten worse. This world is a cruel place for most women and to survive, many have turned to Feminism to empower themselves. The problem with that is that while Feminism has its perks, it really hasn't done much for us...

See before, during the neolithic ages, man would club his woman over the head and drag her into the cave. BUT he was still the provider. He was still the protector, care taker and hunter. Fast forward a couple thousand years and imagine you're in the fifties where women were second class citizens of sorts - most of them homemakers multi-tasking, standing in the kitchen cooking impressive 7 course meals while knitting sweaters and waiting on their husbands. The men on the other hand would open doors for their ladies, carry the heavy baggage, buy them pretty dresses and bring home the food to put on the table. Women had huge roles to play as perfect housewives / mothers / nurses / teachers / chefs etc. etc. Men played the dominant figures in society... the upstanding-citizen-husband-slash-father roles.

BUT the man was STILL the provider, the protector, the hunter. Until Feminism came into the picture...

I find it somewhat ironic that these days, most men still expect that perfection from women and every woman herself is striving for it because someone somewhere decided that women aren't worthy if they cannot successfully juggle Wife-hood, Mother-hood and Career-hood. See, Feminism has put us on par with men... but it hasn't afforded us any of our previous privileges.

So essentially, Man STILL clubs woman over the head and drags her into the cave - only this time she's expected to open the cave door (and every other door that she comes across) while carrying the deer that she had to hunt for all by herself with some other groceries that she had to barter and steal; clean the cave AND see to a wailing baby that needs to be fed while caveman sits in a corner and complains about her cooking. Those women who have fought for equality never foresaw that being seen as "equal" doesn't necessarily mean you're respected. We really haven't done ourselves any favours have we...


  1. Well, Azrah, another thing that feminism did was tell women it's OK to be single and sexually promiscuous, as many of your sister bloggers are (mentioning no names). Perhaps this has led the pot-bellied predators to assume that ALL single women are sexually promiscuous. I suspect the only way to signal your unavailability to such men is to wear a niqab.

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  3. Very well written and some deep thoughts.

    Comments from ladies would be interesting to read, so I am subscribing to this :D

  4. Mr GB - I have to agree on the promiscuity front... I have said on more than one occasion that there are just too many deseperate women (and sluts) giving the rest of us a bad name. And I was labelled judgemental for it, not that I give a shit.
    I dont see why I should wear niqab though... I'd prefer digging their eyes out and beating them with iron rods :)

    Tauqeer - I'm an Anti-Feminist... not many females are :P

  5. Yes, I can see that and I am pleasantly surprised by that :P

  6. Tauqeer - I've written about it before: explaining why (if you should be interested)


    I JUST went on a similar rant with D-Man today about this EXACT. SAME. TOPIC. (We had a two-hour drive so I talked, blabbed, then went into a huge rant since we had time to spare).

    I need to EMAIL you because the entire comment I have in mind could be very offensive.

    Anyway, loved this post. A few times I've been majorly hit on here in Spain (yes, some have been dirty old perverted men) and one time, because I was in a horrid mood, I gave two young pervies the bird and a nice F-you. They. were. livid. Men here tend to me mama's boys, so I guess they'd never received that sort of behavior from a woman before. Eh, it was time they grew up and realized that saying pervy things isn't going to get you anything.

  8. This seems to be a really hot topic at the moment as I was discussing it last night with a friend too. Men seem to have 'won' because Feminism is an ideology which was a seed perhaps started by men in the first place? I used to really admire the likes of Emmeline Pankhurst, the Suffragists and Suffragettes but now I'm more grown up and cynical. I think that it was a conspiracy to get us all to think we need to be 'super women' and they're still laughing at us because we fell for it. I still believe the man should be the main breadwinner and it's up to the woman whether she works or not but not to have it enforced on her either way. That does not give men the right to forget decent manners or morals for that matter. There are some decent men out there, they are just few and far between.....just like there decent women out there.

  9. Michi - I guess most continental men are the same... We have VERY large and prominent Greek, Portuguese and Indian (general term for anyone coming from South/SouthEast Asia) communities and they're all exactly the same regardless of culture or religion. They're all mama-boys who are breast fed well into adolescence (some figuratively, others literally)... ;)

    Alice - Welcome and I agree. I too was pro-feminism before I knew what it really meant and before I woke up to see the world as it really is. I too believe that a man's place is the Head of the House. Women are the necks that turn those heads lol ;D
    I think whats worse is that we (as women) have enthusiastically volunteered for the short end of the stick and you're right... its like a joke that we fell for and someones having a good laugh while we pay the price for it because not only have we jumped at the opportunity to take on responsibilities that do not belong to us (thereby giving men a permanent vacation from life) but we've lost that little respect and reverence that we once recieved from them too.

  10. Great post!
    I liked it.
    And I don't really have much to say on the topic, except for the fact that there are perverts wherever you go, you'll find them among the whites, the indians, the chinese, etc etc.

    Oh actually this reminds me of another post I read somewhere (this comment is now going to be longer than expected).
    Basically the author of that post argued that some men think friendships involving different sexes cannot occur as 'we are just guys'. Using the excuse, "I can't help it, I'm a guy" for their wandering eyes, and pervertedness. He goes on to say:
    This “excuse” not only equates male sexuality with sexual promiscuity, but also standardizes such behavior to make it socially acceptable (as is evident in how men are judged in positive ways with words like “stud,” “pimp,” “player,” “Casanova,” and so on). Of course, if a woman behaved in the same or similar manner, she would be called a “slut,” “whore,” and other degrading insults. What is often overlooked is how dangerous this sexual double-standard is and how it’s another way to control women through shame, humiliation, and judgment.

    I guess it's a choice. Deep down inside, we all have how animalistic intincts. Some of us try to control our emotions and feelings whereas others, give into them. (when I say we I mean both men and women)


  11. I don't think every 'feminist' chooses feminism.
    Sometimes, it's thrust upon them, as the lesser of two evils.
    You might have a guardian or husband who tries to dominate or demean your every move and thought, or one who simply doesn't care enough to provide for your needs and protection.
    Many reasons, i think. Most of them tragic in a very quiet, daily trickling away of hope.
    Perhaps feminism sprang up as chivalry died out?

    I guess, in the end...we all want the gentleman...but he's saving someone else.
    Cinderella, probably.

    And in the meantime...we have to do it for ourselves.

  12. To answer the last line, no you haven't :p

    I feel sorry for you though, but apparently there isn't any solution in my mind that can make them understand the douchery.

  13. In fact, despite all the disgust you feel, is there any SLIGHT feeling of glee or self appraisal that you get when someone of that genre flirts with you?

  14. Well as I stated to read the post I was like you are just being arrogant towards so called Indian Muslims in SA. But then you explained your feelings so well that even I being a man get convinced that may be there is shortage of good men in this modern world.

    These type of man who don't respect women in general are really like pest in this world. I hope they get little sense because any man with little sense would not act like idiots.

    Great post

  15. Nas - Sure there are pervs everywhere in the world... but you have not met the SA Muzzie Indian (bar that 2%)... they're a special kind of perv... the likes of which you have never seen before.

    Pserean - My points of feminism is in direct reference to those females who are desperate to "do it for themselves"... They are overtly active and vocal about their needs and "independence"... the DIY type because they need to prove to the world that they are just as worthy as men are. Then there are some of us that have to do the heavy lifting, not because we want to, but because there's no other options.

    Taimur - If I felt any inkling of "glee" or "self-appraisal" when someone of that "genre" (aka some walking corpse) flirts with me I wouldn't have homicidal tendencies would I? And I need no "self-appraisal" that I can assure you - I already think too damn much of myself...

    Talha - I appreciate your sentiments. Just to prove that I'm not an arrogant bitch, my neighbour just told me that a 36 year old guy approached her husband and asked him to "help him get a girl" and that she HAS to be tall and from a rich family, and skinny and white and pretty and "educated but not too educated"... but he has no money and looks like the wrong end of a dog. So he wants a supermodel wife that cooks. THATS the kind of superficial-ass society we live in here in SA.

  16. Do you really not get hit on by white men? I find that interesting as I myself am also wonderinng why. I don't think it's a race thing, maybe for older men, but certainly not for men my age and younger. (I'm 30)

  17. Gray - The only "white" guy that ever hit on me was a Portuguese guy in school, Carlos Lopez. He desperately wanted to date me, but it didn't happen

  18. I normally get hit on by Malay, chinese n white men, but that's better than having some Indian men at the corner, ogling n sizing me up as easy just because I talk to men. For them, a woman who talks to a man, is also someone who's most likely to follow him home later. What a mindset!

  19. Jaya J - Welcome :) And I agree. To them you're a slut if you say "hello"... I guess we're not supposed to even greet them :P