Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Coz you don't need to buy the dog when you're getting the bitch for free...

I usually keep up to date with all the celeb gossip in Latin America. It's one of my quirks and I suppose it’s funny because I‘ve never ever watched any Latin American show before (and George Lopez doesn’t count), but I can tell you anything you'd like to know including who’s dating who. I know all about the Botineras, the ones on television and in real life too.

That said, I recently heard that Shakira is rumoured to be dating Spanish football player Gerard Piqué (coz her hips don’t lie). Not particularly intriguing news no, but what I do find quite amusing is that its been reported that Piqués mother is not too keen on the Colombian singer as a potential wife for her precious son and insists that he marry a *nice* Spanish girl. Hmmm... where have we heard this before...

It’s no secret that most traditional folk (no matter where they come from) like to adhere to their norms and customs and are somewhat uncomfortable about venturing out of their enclosed spaces. And yeah everyone’s entitled. But it becomes a problem when said traditional folk have kids and their spawn aren’t as enthusiastic about incestuous relationships as they are.

I’ve always said that racism is alive and well in South Africa. And I have to laugh out loud when people claim not to be racist, especially since their racial prejudices run so deep, that they are not only directed against people of other races, but amongst their own people too! I know for a fact that many traditional Zulu’s have major issues with their sons and daughters marrying spouses from the Xhosa or Sotho clan. Likewise, amongst the SA Asian crowd, some of the parents (who are ironically 4th and 5th generation immigrants) are still stuck with their village mentalities in India (and most of them haven’t even been to India).

They consider it a crime when their offspring *dare* venture out of those boundaries... y’know in case they taint those precious inbred genes. Because to some from the Memon tribe, the rice is only edible if it’s made by another member of the same tribe... and damn to hell anyone from the Kholvad or Surtee tribes who *dare* attempt to make rice the same way... they could NEVER ingest rice not made from the hands of a fellow tribeswoman. Cursed they’d be... and vice versa.

I've been down this subject's road before... and the view takes my breath away every time.

And so when someone tells me they’re not racist, I have to laugh. It’s both funny and endearing to watch people lie to themselves so consistently (denial ain't just an ex-president in Egypt).  Ask that person if they’d get married or let one of their kids get married to someone outside their race and there’s a 99% guarantee that the answer will in all likelihood be an emphatic and resounding “No”.

I recently heard a story that I've heard one too many times before. There’s this Asian chick here in Johannesburg... let’s call her Gwen... who recently found out that her husband has been secretly married to someone else for the past two years. Apparently, this "Indian" dude (her husband) was in love with this Coloured/Mixed Race girl for 5 years but his parents refused to accept her as his numero uno. So to please his parents, he went off to find Gwen, a perfect match for his family.

According to Gwen, he pulled out all the stops to impress her. He did everything he could to win her heart and in what seemed like a fairy tale ending, they got married and the whole world thought it was Happily Ever After done and dusted. But alas, it wasn’t to be because Numbnutz couldn’t get his mind off his true love and 3 years after he cut through the butter cream icing cake filled with empty promises, he decided that he could no longer live without her. They got married in secret and she bore his kids, a set of twins, 9 months later.

So he has secret family... he's been playing James Bond, living a double life. We’ve all heard this story somewhere before innit... or read one of Danielle Steel’s novels... or at the very least watched one of them made-for-tv movies. In the meantime, Gwen just found out that she’s pregnant and is both devastated and torn. To stay or to go... that’s the question. Numbnutz on the other hand has no intention of leaving his beloved and Islam permits more than one wife, (even though most men misinterpret this law and have distorted the rules to suit themselves). So in the end, on the surface Numbnutz managed to please all and sundry, but something ugly festers beneath. That's the kind of dirty that don't get clean. And this wasn't a part of her 10 year plan.

From what I've heard, I don't think he ever intended to leave his first love - even after he went out looking for Gwen like some predator on the prowl for his next victim. What I can't understand is: if he always intended to be with her, then why bother with Gwen? Why involve her in this elaborate scheme? Why go out looking for her, making all these promises, lying through his backside, ruining her life... why not just marry the girl he loved in the first place - especially if that was his intention from the beginning.

I suppose in the end, Numbnutz was driven by and caved into familial pressure... too busy worrying about what others in their closed-minded community would think or say about them. Because whether people like to admit it or not, most are governed by other people's opinions of them and all that matters is how things LOOK to the outside world. But all that glitters is not always gold. I wonder if his parents are happy now... thrilled that they get the miserable Indian daughter-in-law they've always wanted while he has his piece of meat and gets to live the life he wants to on the side.

I have to say that I fail to understand what kind of woman says “yes” to being second best. I can't fathom the depths of the lack of self-respect. “Yes please hide me and our relationship because I’m not worthy of being seen with you”. How needy, clingy, greedy does one have to be to get to that point. I never want to find out.

If he was my husband, I would have injected him with the AIDs virus. Or at the very least, had him gang raped by a bunch of ex-convicts, recording the whole thing for entertainment value, posted it on Youtube with a few extra pics of the soirée on display on a few rented billboards on the M1 Highway.

The real problem is that this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of something of this nature in the last year and sadly, it’s becoming very common. These trends make me paranoid. And this is why I'm partial to white men... (don't look at me like that, the face of Islam isn't Asian). I'm one of those self-deprecating people that has been brainwashed by colonialism and there's this notion that white guys are more honest about being dishonest because they don't have any cultural hangups. Well, most of them anyway. Don't know how this will end for Piqué though.


  1. I find it unbelievable that things like this even happen. How can a person be so twisted that they live every single day with a wife - but deceive her on such a massive scale?

    The race thing is funny - because it just shows how culture seems to trump everything else - including religion (which is sad, because Islam is supposed to be the number 1 criteria for guiding in all decisions...and its principles firmly stamp out racism and tribalism).

    I guess a part of it is that people feel the need to 'belong' - and that intense need to be part of their race / cultural group seems to drive them to disregard or overlook everything else. To the point that people enter doomed marriages just to maintain that continuity of race.


    Race is a funny thing, I've written a post in regards to the racism I've experienced in this small town in Spain, but I've read about racism being a major issue in South Africa.

    People biologically feel the need to assimilate - look like one another, act like one another, etc - to feel a part of the group and "survive." Nowadays, it isn't a life or death situation as it may have been before, but many people, or most, still feel the intense need to put up a "front."

    Great post. I would love to read more of your blog. Are you originally South African as well? It's a country I've been yearning to go visit.

    Ah, and in response to your comment on my recent post: If you’d like information about living or working abroad, check out the CIEE link provided in the post, their organization has grown tremendously. If you'd like any more information, also feel free to contact me. :)

    - Michi

  3. There's nothing wrong with marrying a white man (as long you're human). Many women I greatly esteem have done so. But would you marry a white man who wasn't a muslim? That's the real test for you.

  4. dreamlife - I remember watching a movie (one of those made-for-tv-movies) back in the late 80's about a guy with a secret family. And back then I was so shocked, the concept seemed entirely foreign to my reality. And now, sadly nothing surprises me anymore.

    Michi - Welcome :) & yeah I agree... the need to conform is somewhat innate. The racism here is very subtle and isn't overt or "in-your-face" as such. Overall, most people are very friendly and tolerant... but at the core there are still many divisions, which I think are remnants of the after effects of Apartheid. We're only 16 years into democracy and changing cultural expectations and interpretations is proving much more difficult than changing the constitution.
    I must say, when I was in Gibraltar a few years ago, I also experienced an incident (or two) of racism.

    I am originally South African... as are my parents and most grandparents. My great-grandparents however (& other ancestors) hail from all corners of this earth incl. Ireland, Malaysia / Indonesia, France, Arabia, Asia etc.
    Do come visit, we usually love entertaining guests ;)
    PS - thanks for the link too, I will be sure to check it out.

    GB - I wouldn't marry outside of Islam mainly because Islam is more than a "religion" for me. It's a lifestyle. I don't buy into the politics and cultural assimilations of the religion like many do.

    On my Mothers side of the family there are large parts of my family that are Christian (one of my Mothers uncles is a Pastor) and we have Catholic and Jewish roots too. My Great Grandfather was a white Irish man. My Great Grandmother was French and Catholic... My grandfather converted to Islam before he married my Grandmother (as did most of his brothers and sister)...

    I actually know quite a lot of white converts... most of them are women but there are men too. None of them eligible though lol!

  5. I blame the women of our society. They bring their sons up with that notion of 'don't bring a Kroos Kop (curly haired) girl home. It’s disgusting that lives are ruined not by prejudices of religion but culture, something that is ever changing. I’m all for culture, I really like some aspects of it. But to base your whole life on a belief of a cultural utopian idea (that means a lie that your grandfathers told you) and that your own forefathers didn’t adhere to is by far the most ridicules thing I have ever heard. Fear of the unknown has caused many people to do crazy things, but seriously the Muslim Indian Mothers need a serious wake up call.
    I am so with you on the Muslim White Men thing!

  6. Have read through your posts - love, love, love, LOVE!!! :)

    Totally adding you to my Cool Beans.

  7. (1) Is Gwen her real name? I presume his isn't numbnutz, however I suspect that his nutz are far from numb.

    (2) If he's allowed to have more than one wife/concubine under the Law, why the uproar? I get it, but it seems to be strange to have a religious law that permits it and at the same time, people of that faith condemn it.

    (3) WHITE MEN MAKE GOOD HUSBANDS - I'm saying this because I'm white and not particularly prejudiced. Living in Southern California provides a generally race-neutral environment. But everyone has prejudice. Sometimes race is the reason sometimes not. William James said, "Many people think that they are thinking when they're really just rearranging their prejudices."

    (4) I'm more or less prejudiced against really obese people. I've known really fat people that I like, but would never date one. I can't imagine marrying one. I'm also very prejudiced against people with bad hygiene. If you smell bad, don't clip your nails and brush your teeth - if you're messy and unkept, you are OFF THE LIST. Race is not anywhere near the top of my prejudice list.

  8. Trinity - The women in the society definitely play a very big role in that they enable their behaviour. And the cycle is just perpetuated with every generation.

    Michi - Thanks! Glad you like it, I love your blog too =D

    LL - (1) Gwen is her nickname.

    (2) The Islamic law is VERY specific. They're not allowed to have concubines - that is totally forbidden. They are however allowed to marry other women but even this is discouraged. The law came down in a time where there were many wars and all the men went off leaving their wives and kids behind. Many of them died in battle leaving their families with nothing and no means to live. The surviving men would then marry the widows so that they could take care of them and their children (put food on the table, protect them from savages etc. etc.)... not to satiate their lust and desires but for the protection of the woman and her kids.
    And there are specific laws governing this, first of all he has to be able to afford supporting both wives and he has to be completely equal with both of them... so if he gives the one an apple, he should give the other an apple thats EXACTLY the same size and quality too.
    The uproar is that in our civilization, one doesn't just go off and marry another spouse without anyone knowing. The husband has to consult with his first wife stating his intention etc. I've met a few families where there are second wives and in all of them, the husband got married with the permission of the first wife. In one case, the first wife couldn't have kids... in another the first wife became chronically ill and even helped her husband to look for a suitable second wife so that she could shoulder some of the responsibility of taking care of the family. I have to stress that while it is permitted, it is governed by stringent laws, and at the same time it is discouraged or viewed as a last resort.

    (3) & (4) - To me "white men" is just a blanket term for people who aren't governed by cultural norms and practices... basically people without any cultural hangups. I consider myself a very spiritual person, and I'd like my future husband to at least have the same inclinations... I prefer Islam in its pure form - not Islam thats "culturalised" and tainted with innovations, & prejudicial cultural norms and values (that have divided people more than it has united them & made them vile creatures) and all these other fallacies that people have assigned to it, when in actual fact all those things don't exist in Islam.

  9. This is extreeeeemely sad. :(.
    It is just so saddening to hear, that there are people out there, who are willing to completely ruin another person's life, by living the double life. Their 'love' was based on a lie, and it was basically a waste of time. Ugh. =/.

    As for the race / religion issue, it's seen everywhere. In some places, culture is so engrained to the minds of some people that culture is religion. And the line between culture and religion is just so blurry.

    Lovely post btw.

  10. Nas - I have to agree with you, to some people culture is religion... it is evident amongst a lot of the more traditional folk and the older generations and it has filtered down to some younger generations too.