By now, most people know how much I love writing letters. A few months ago I came across this site, Dear Blank Please Blank, and it had me chuckling for hours. I need a laugh today, so I thought I'd share some of my favourites:
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
So they screwed up your nose too?
Sincerely, Michael Jackson
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Dear Justin Bieber,
Ariel would really love her voice back.
Sincerely, King Triton
There was definitely room on that raft for the both of us.
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
Dear Taylor Swift,
If it is of any interest to you, Romeo and Juliet both kill themselves in the end.
Dear Soccer Fans,
B B B B B B Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z
Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z Z!
Dear Rubik's Cube,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods
Dear Martin Luther King Jr.,
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo DiCaprio
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
I had to join the army, dress up like a man, defeat the hun army and totally save China for my man.
All you had to do was wake up.
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
I really hope that one day, I can find my way into your heart.
Sincerely, a stake
Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things.
Dear Prince Charming,
You've got some explaining to do!
Sincerely, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Sleeping Beauty