Monday, 12 December 2011

Coz absence makes the heart grow fonder, of someone else...

There was a time, not so long ago, when I actually looked forward to getting married and having 6 kids. It was on my list of things to do. And then something changed and I no longer wanted a half-dozen kids. And then something broke and I woke up one day no longer wanting to get married. It's not that I'm ruling out marriage forever - if I met the right person tomorrow, it would surely happen. It's just that it's no longer something I actively want. Seeing how miserable most people are in their marriages doesn't exactly champion the cause.

Mother did not take this news well. Firstly, it seriously fucks up her hopes and aspirations for grandkids. And  I'm no promiscuous singleton so no friends-with-benefits-or-any-other-shit-like-that-unless-he's-Damon-fucking-Salvatore-ok. Illegitimate offspring are definitely not on the agenda (I can barely stand the legitimate ones, lets not go to the other side of the tracks ok, I know, I'm a bitch like that). And ever since then, I have endured all sorts of lectures on the natural procession of life... about how it's different when the kids are your own blah blah blah.

In the meantime, I find myself in all sorts of precarious situations with various members of the opposite sex - again, not helping any cause here. The latest one confuses the shit out of me. Let's call him Sunday because that's the day he features prominently in my life. However, if it continues like this he's going to become Tuesday, the most boring guy in my life day of my week.

Anyways, Sunday is a workaholic. To his defence, he doesn't have much choice in the matter and long hours at the office are an unfortunate norm. What this means for me is that I'm usually relegated to the end of his list of priorities - and I'm totally fine with that, it's not like we're dating or anything like that. We're just in the preliminary rounds of a somewhat important friendship of sorts.

So Sunday sends me a message at 11:30pm on Friday night. He had a hectic day and really wanted a cup of coffee. Specifically, he wanted me to make him a cup of coffee, at 11:30pm. Now three things bothered me about this. Firstly, I don't appreciate last minute meetings or invitations. Secondly, I wasn't keen on having him over at my place at that hour (even though I knew he had just left his office). And thirdly, it was a long hectic day and I had taken two painkillers earlier in the evening so even if I did acquiesce to his request, I was way too drowsy to entertain anyone.

And so I told him that I wasn't feeling too good and asked him if we couldn't reschedule for another day or evening. He said it was fine, but something felt off. Like he was angry with me or something. I sent him another message the following day suggesting a time when we could have coffee together and received no response. I sent another one a few hours later (y'know, in case for some reason he didn't receive it) and... nothing. At this point I was annoyed, but still polite enough to text him and ask him if he's angry with me. Still, nothing.

By then I felt bad because I'm a considerate and sensitive asshole-masochist like that. So I made him an entire pot of coffee and bought some cake at the local bakery and delivered it to his place where it was welcomed by one of his house-mates. And then still... no answer from him.

Irritated, I thought to myself, "Fuck him" and responded to an invitation from Thursday (another guy). And then, almost a day later, while I was chatting to Monday via telephone, Sunday messages me to say that he's been swamped with work and that he's not angry with me. And I was like WTF? It took him an entire day just to send that teeny tiny response? Am I missing something? Or maybe he really was very busy - too busy to respond. But I can't help feeling that not even suave Mr. Friday would have done that to me.

I'm not equipped to play these games. I don't know what he wants. In fact, I don't know what any man wants. And I can't be bothered to put the effort into finding out anymore. Can anyone seriously blame me for not wanting to make this kind of childish behaviour a permanent fixture in my life? Oh man, I have stories, I could write a book...


  1. Clearly this guy is not 'Easy Like Sunday Morning'.
    You know how when a guy asks a woman "Whats wrong" and she says "Nothing", and instinctively you know she's pissed off?
    When a guy doesn't respond after an entire day and then says "I've been hectically busy", what he really means is "I'm pissed off."
    If only people would say what they really mean.
    Having said that, I foolishly sssumed marriage was the instant cure for all these silly games, until I met a guy (my neighbour) who's in his 50's and goes out partying while his wife's at home with the kids... shameless and cringeworthy, but he thinks it makes him look cool.

  2. Definitely would like to read the book. Especially if the stories from the lunch with your girlfriends the other day is an indication.

    On a side note, what do you have against Wednesday and Saturday?

  3. Azra,

    How are two people supposed to get to know each other, to really understand who is there before you, if they both don't take great pains to be available, open, and genuine?

    If we work off the notion that physical attraction is the first flag that points us to someone, doesn't it stand to reason that a great effort will be needed by all to see if there is substance there and more, to develop an affinity for one and the other? Its critical (to say nothing of courteous) to be an open book so, in this period of uncertainty, we can minimize misunderstandings and quickly determine to hang around or to move on.

    Its so easy to injure and insult through no other intent than just being different people unknown to each other. I wouldn't be somebody I'm not but I would go out of my way to show you how I am, how I think, and what I value. If I want to date you or even just spend time with you, I'm gonna make it easy for you. I think this falls under the category of a no brainer?

    And yet, what do some guys ( and girls) do? Make like a brick wall: blank, dumb, and silent. I'll never understand. The only thing I can figure is that these people are emotional cripples with an ego that keeps getting in their way. Boys and girls having fun and enjoying each others company is not rocket science, folks (living in peace for years now thats rocket science ;-).

    Azra, if it were me, I'd be stalking ya! Well, thats a whole nuther problem ;-)


  4. Pssssh, men! How very annoying and RUDE!

    And please, do write a book! It will become an instant best seller.

    Marriage is an antiquated ritual and there is very little need for it. Even though S.O and I will have to go down this path (his folks are traditional like that), I will only marry him because I want a life with him. After 10 years, I want to wake up next to him, everyday. And I understand the pressure you get from family - sheesh, it is enough to make me KILL! hehehe

  5. hah I went from 3 kids, to 1 kid at least, to maybe just the right guy as long as I get that.

    As for Mr silent treatment, yep exact same thing happening with me on and off with the same person, except the guy ignored my sms's for a month recently (well I stopped smsing after 2 weeks n waited n waited) then I phoned him and everything was hunky dory and his excuse was "so busy" yeah right, it just means he isn't that into you or he's confused. But when I saw him he gave me the real reason. In my case its coz its so damn complicated. But they say if a guy likes a girl he will move mountains to see her etc, so it's pretty obvious for myself, except now he is being very good and replying etc. I'll never understand people. Never :/

    At least Sunday only took a day to reply, but he sounds immature. Be careful, he could be high maintenance if he's going to sulk coz you didn't jump at 23:30 to make him coffee.....

  6. I really enjoyed this post starting right at the title :) Somewhere I'm reminded of my fav Counting Crows song - Big Yellow Taxi :)

  7. I say that you drop Sunday like a hot potato and let him try to find some other "important friend" that will put up with his behavior. He was rude and inconsiderate. His actions scream "mind game". He saw all of the messages and still waited to respond.

    When someone cannot make time for you in their busy schedule, they don't seem to me to be worthy of the small bit of time you have available.

  8. Kaloo
    I also reckon that he's pissed (maybe still miffed) about it. Maybe he perceived it as me rejecting him. Some people are more sensitive than others.

    I don't have anything against them personally. However nothing will ever happen with Saturday because we're on two completely different paths - he just doesn't know it yet. He's still a good friend though.

    Dean, I'd be honoured to have you stalk me lol. Unfortunately, Sunday (and many other guys) don't think the same way you do.

    This is what I don't understand: everyone seems to have a problem with my single status except ME. I'm quite happy and content in my current life and I'm in no hurry to trade that in for a life-time of comfortable misery.

    Some guys are like kids themselves... so you actually end up marrying your first-born lol! The only thing worse than I high maintenance woman is a high maintenance man!

    Desert Demons
    LOL, life is strange :)

    I figured he's playing hard-to-get. If he only knew how fast I can become uninterested. I don't have time or the energy for these insipid games.

  9. Why did you takes so long to make Sunday man, Yesterday's Man? I'd have thought you had more self respect . . . .

  10. Beh, Sunday needs to get ditched! You're so nice!! I would have stopped after the first text sent on Saturday, but I'm also an inconsiderate lame-o when it comes to things like this. I have zip patience for any sort of shenanigans.
    I do want to hear about Monday, Thursday, and suave Friday! :)

  11. Michi - LOL. Nothing serious going on with either of them. It's just a lot of talking at this stage. I'll be sure to let you know the moment that changes ;)

  12. i'm confused with all these names.