Wednesday, 4 January 2012

What you do on New Year's Eve, you pay for in the New Year...

Every New Year's eve, my Aunt and Uncle have a huge party at their house followed by a grand fireworks display around midnight, and everyone who knows the family is usually invited. So I usually spend every New Year's Eve and New Years Day with family. Well most, that's if I'm not travelling.

This year was much the same, only we've had a few additions to the family in the last year so there were two or three extra midgets invited to the party. At some point in the evening, conversation centred around babies (as it would with enamoured parents) and I noticed something quite peculiar about myself.

You know how people talk about their kids in random conversations? Yeah well when they do, I find that I end up talking about my Mother. I guess it's because I have no other point of reference and I can't relate to anything they're saying. So we were like:

Cousin 1: Mika's bottom teeth are coming out.
Cousin 2: Dude, Qanita knows more than 100 words already.
Me: Dude, my Mother knows who's Nicki Minaj.
Cousin 3: I think he needs to be changed.
Cousin 4: She repeats everything you say.
Me: My mother quoted Chris Tucker the other day.
Cousin 5: Really? Hahahahahahaha

I think it's both strange and pathetic that I do that. But most of the time it's really funny. Between Mother and her sisters, we have enough eccentricity to power a small country.

This year, my Aunt (mother's sister and party host) decided to trade the fireworks display for a karaoke contest. I don't know what it is with my family and karaoke, they love it. This meant that between the random conversations, we had to endure my Aunt's tone-deaf rendition of Tom Jones's "What's new Pussycat? whoa whoa whoa" in that earnest mock-serious tone that she sings. And when she was done, she demanded an applause, barking out orders: "Hey! Clap for me!".

They went through all of Tom Jones's tracks as well as Engelbert Humperdinck and The Bee Gees. If anything, it provided us with enough laughs until next year. I can't sing to save my life, so I kept my mouth busy with a bowl of pasta. I didn't think it would do much harm. But I was wrong. Serves me right for bragging about my improved health. This is the result of my little gluten-feast:
Notice the rash and pink spots.
Four days in and I'm sitting at home with a bout of Pharyngitis, courtesy of someone who was more than just a little generous with their sick germs at the party. I'm so not ready to get back into the swing of things.


  1. Your post reminds me how comic holidays are and how they ring-in their own brand of misery. I’m sorry for your discomfort, Azra. I know it sucks. In a season that SHOULD herald a reduction in the amount of stress and social pressure, we happily ramp-up both of those things. Large family gatherings-the obligatory short period where we come in contact with family members we otherwise hope will one day fall off the corner of the earth, manic organizing of seasonal events, and the sharing of…communicable disease. What is this time of year for anyway, right?

    When its all over, we let loose a concealed sigh, ask god to forgive us all those evil plots we hatched while cousin It happily held our hand telling us how happy he was to, well, hold our hand, and, of course, look forward to the hours of exercise we’ll need to erase the holidays from our ass. As for me, I am already making plans for next year’s incalculably horrible re-visitation of seasonal happiness. But first, I have to shake this crap in my throat that I must have picked up in the subway (each training holding 100 people, 50 of them hacking and wheezing). No doubt this is the final seasonal gift from all those “happy” family gatherings!

  2. I'm well impressed that your Mum knows who Nicki Minaj is! That was the highlight of the conversation to me! I can't sing either but have this wine induced belief that I sound just like Karen Carpenter. Hope you feel better soon Azra.

  3. Good job for us your throat problems (can't spell laryngitis) don't affect your writing . . .

  4. Was it the songs or an abuse of the mistletoe? And more importantly, now that you've spread it over da net, who's safe anymore?

    I wish you a speedy recovery and the ability to take to celibacy until you're again ready for the "swing of things" without swinging things around.


  5. That sounds like an amazing evening! Surrounding yourself with those people you know you can count on to be there for you no matter what the situation cannot be a bad idea. Some of my fondest memories are family holiday celebrations where all of my cousins were there. To this day when we are all together it's a non-stop enjoyment fest!

    Now, stop with the gluten before I have to send you chastising emails.

  6. Ugh, I am so sorry about your gluten rash - that is something I'm OH so familiar with.

    My grandfather is blind and basically deaf so there were conversations that went like this:

    "did you ever do salsa dancing?"

    "what kind of dancing?"



    "What? No. S A L S A"

    "S A L F T K A?"


  7. This is so funny:
    "Me: Dude, my Mother knows who's Nicki Minaj."

    So sorry you are not feeling well. Hope you rest and recover well.

  8. NO more Gluten for you! Check out a range called Orgran, I have definatly seen it in health shops. They have an entire range of cake mixes, pasta's, sauces,biscuits, most things you can think off Gluten free. There is also a range of bread products done by a company called schars, not sure if they in SA but its good products.

  9. That shop that I told you about does have those lovely orgran products.

  10. I don't know how people can do karaoke - stone cold sober. I just don't. I'm not saying that they're not sober, but it defies a sort of logic. And maybe you can't speak because you defied that natural law, engaging in sober karaoke... (?) ;^)

  11. Four days in and sick already... ever heard of STAY AWAY FROM COUGH-HAPPY FOLKS and ONLY EAT WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU? Well, I'm sure you knew all that when you took your first bite, right? You're not doing these things on purpose to dodge the teaching, are you? Get well soon, partner in crime :)

  12. LCG
    It wasn't that bad honest :) My family is pretty close-knit, even with the one or two members that can be annoying sometimes. I do want to kick the person who made me sick though ;)

    Thanks lady. Yeah my Mother knows all sorts of useless information because we're (my sisters and I ) always talking about something ot the other, and she's always listening in. Just a few hours ago she said: "Paris Hilton is so last season. Now it's the Kardooshies"

    My Pharyngitis has somewhat subsided. I was lucky in that it was mostly a swollen painful throat infection. My cousin (same one at the party) contracted Laryngitis on the same night - she lost her voice completely.

    I honestly don't know what or who it was that made at least 10 of us sick... but it definitely wasn't the singing because my aunt was hogging that mic and the irony is that the people who were singing aren't sick, its the rest of us that were laughing at them that are bed bound.

    It was quite fun. I'd welcome your chastising emails. But you'll be glad to know that I've stopped with the gluten. And tomatoes too. Been having all sorts of allergic reactions.

    LOL! Sounds like one of those conversations we have with some of the elders in our family.

    It was even funnier hearing her say that Paris Hilton is "so last season, now it's the Kardooshies". Thanks hun. I do feel better. And I will definitely check out that store with the Orgran products :)

    Thanks for the name-brand lady! I will definitely check it out. I need to shut my pie hole for a while. I like food too much ;D

    I don't know either LL. I don't know how they go up there and willingly humiliate themselves. But it's so funny to watch them. Perhaps its because they honestly believe that they're not that bad. Although, in my aunts case, she's horrendous and owns it... so its like she's deliberately horrible on the mic and her mock-serious exaggerations are really very entertaining.

  13. RCB
    If it was a deliberate attempt to stay out of work, I'm sure I'd find more joy in it, but its been awful so far. I have to dodge that which is not good for me, that's my 2012 New Years Resolutions :)

  14. That's the problem with these large family gatherings - someone always has germs which they're dying to share with you. I wouldn't go to one without first putting on a surgeon's mask.

  15. LL
    I forgot to mention that not *everyone* was sober :P

    Sounds like you're talking from experience. This is the first time its happened to me and hopefully the last.

  16. It's been awful so far. Now I'm getting worried. Awful... how come? Just tell them if they keep bothering you, you'll press that red button and black suit wearing will board his not-so-private plane, fly all the way to SA to teach them a lesson. How's that for a threat?

  17. RCB
    Awful because my Anti-biotics have attacked my Pancreas and so one problem has become two :(

  18. I love karaoke, too!! I'm so coming over next New Year.

  19. Michi
    I'm sure we'd have a blast even though I can't sing for shit. You've been warned :)