Sunday, 13 May 2012

Who said that I don't like poetry...

Sometime last week, one of my Facebook friends posted this as her status:

If love leaves you and goes away, can it ever find you again? Is it also like a nomadic wanderer in the desert of life, looking for an oasis and ending up seeing only mirages?

Thinking it quite poetic, I responded with my thoughts and had a semi-epiphany on the subject, which I subsequently discussed with my Man-friend this past weekend.

Having already discussed my views on the nature of REAL love, it has been established that real love is indeed selfless. As I've said many times before, it's not about you and how you feel. Real love is about wanting the best for the other person, regardless of how you feel or what's in it for you.

And so my thoughts evolved. Perhaps it's not a question of what real love is... because many people already know or have come to the realisation that real love doesn't accommodate adolescent infatuations and fantasies... perhaps it's in wanting or expecting that selfless Love to be reciprocated.

So in essence, we all know by now that real love is selfless (and if you don't get a clue), and maybe we're all hoping that we'll be loved selflessly in return. And maybe we think that we will be able to know or recognise that someone who will love us selflessly when we see them - when in actual fact people very rarely know when they're being loved selflessly.

I postulated this theory in one of my conversations with my Man-friend while we were having lunch outside, enjoying the warmth of the sun.

Me: Just think about it, how will you know if someone loves you selflessly? You won't - unless they tell you - but chances are they won't know it themselves.

Him: I get what you're saying...

Me: It's like, how would I know that you really enjoy being here, and that you really appreciate my company? Truth is, I won't.

Him: Well, you ate half of my burrito. And I don't ever share my food. So what does that tell you? And how would I know the same?

Me: Exactly! You don't. And by the way, I gave you those Godiva truffles and that t-shirt I bought from London.

Him: So?

Me: So it was GODIVA, half of my Godiva stash. My own Mother doesn't get Godiva.

Him: Hmm, yeah you should have left the t-shirt and bought more Godiva.

(At this point we both laugh before falling silent)

Me: *sigh* What were we talking about again?


  1. is your Man-friend reading this ? i hope he does :) you two sound sweet.

    you'd know when someone really loves you selflessly. but love is different for different people.

  2. Very deep. This kind of ties into the concept of "charity" as well.

    Are we really out to do good? Do we have to be seen doing it and or recognized? What is so wrong if we feel great about doing good, even anonymously?

    Great food for thought. Not just the burrito.

  3. You both shared food. Not JUST any food but burrito's and Godiva truffles. That, in itself, is true love and selflessness. ;)

  4. Honestly, I have no idea... though I'm inclined to believe there's no such thing.

  5. OMG - you GAVE away Godiva! Wow, that is admirable. :)

  6. Don't know why, Az, but I never share food with anyone. I'd rather just give it all. Maybe I need to talk to Dr Phil about this. Anyway, I can tell from your conversation you're a true philosopher. Poetry and philosophy... what's next? ;)

  7. Philosophising + burritos + Godiva = awesomesauce.

    I agree with your views that true love is, indeed, selfless. But I think when one recognises that what one has is true (selfless) love, one can most definitely identify that selflesness, feel and see it in the simple actions of one's partner. (E.g. the profferings of Godiva, to cite just one example! :D)

  8. Jaya
    I agree 100% - love means different things to different people, but I'd like to think the purest form is the self-less kind. My man friend is the brother I never had. We've been friends since forever :)

    I was having this very debate a few weeks ago - how "charity" isn't really charity if you're only doing it to please / comfort yourself. My guess is that humans are innately selfish and its very difficult to distinguish between our needs - whether they be physical or mental or emotional needs etc. - and the needs of others. How many people help for the sake of helping - with nothing in it for them on any many people only get "involved" when there is something in it for them? Although, selfless people are not unheard of. It's debatable and opinions differ across the board.

    Food and the distribution thereof creates some serious bonds - that I much I can attest to :D

    Terra Shield
    No such thing as love or selfless love? It remains a contested subject :)

    Yeah, and now I want to kick myself! Oh well, another reason to ensure I find myself at an International Airport again soon ;D

    Oh yes I'm a Philosopher indeed, Randy. Are you an only child? Maybe you need to chat to Dr. Phil... and please don't inflict bodily harm if I'm tempted to laugh ;D

    Pretzel Thief
    Interesting... I'll be on the lookout to test your theory :) I'm regretting giving away my Godiva though especially because I can't find it anywhere in South Africa -and this is where that greatest love of all surfaces - the selfish love I have for myself, specifically for myself and for my stash of Godiva ;D

  9. love the chicken poetry and that poem sounds like it was written for the desert :) thanx

  10. "[...] and this is where that greatest love of all surfaces - the selfish love I have for myself, specifically for myself and for my stash of Godiva ;D"


    Thank you for your wonderful comment on my blog (I've responded to it there) AND for following me, you're fantabulous! I'm following you too, DUH. I mean, your blog kicketh ass (and then some)...!


  11. I laughed at the Godiva stash line, it must be expensive chocolate?. I spent a fortune on my ex, but she still remains an ex, love is hard ot quantify.I think it is, if the person supports you and does not insult and things.

  12. You always think of a mother's love for her child as selfless love, and I can't help but wonder why it gets so tricky in romantic relationships? Is selfless love outside of a mother-child bond even human nature? (Alright, maybe I'm having an off day).

    I like the conversation you had with your friend. :)

  13. desert demons: Indeed the Chicken poem sounds like it was written for the desert. I thought it was freaking hilarious, and so poignant at the same time.

    Pretzel Thief: Thank you for all your kind comments :)

    sundersartwork: Godiva is ridiculously expensive. For a 100g slab, I can buy 7 x 100g slabs of Cadbury chocolate! I think with any form of genuine love, there is no room for insult. Yes, people don't always agree - but respect is an important aspect of love and there's no room for belittling in it.

    Michi: You're not having an off day :D In fact, I agree with you. I'm disinclined to believe that people are capable of loving each other self-lessly - because human beings are innately selfish. Men so much more than women. And moreso through the ages. So I don't think anyone will do anything these days if there isn't at least one shred of something in it for them.
    The only REAL love that exists today is the love between a Mother and Child. And even then, there are exceptions because of all the psychotic bitches around.

  14. I wouldn't give my brother-like man friend my Godiva chocolates. Just saying... :) :)

  15. @Angie
    Haha - He's given me SO much more throughout the years... it was the least I could do :)

  16. Zahera
    WOW!! Look who it is popping up out of the blue after like MONTHS. Nice to see you're still alive and kicking ;)