Tuesday, 11 September 2012

Sometimes love is an act of vanity & desperation

Some people think that the answer to all their problems is to get married. Specifically, they think that if YOU get married, the world's woes will cease to exist and life will become an episode of The Brady Bunch.

But, through careful observation over the last 100 years, I've come to see that married people are not any happier or content than single people. It's just that they have less time to think about their problems. 

I always go on about how allergic I am to married men - but I never tell you why. See, there are always three types of married men that I encounter:

The first are the misogynist pigs. They're the ones that only see skirts, and not the human beings in them. They generally want to screw everything they set their eyes on, mostly because they're not getting any at home or because they suffer from some or other long-standing insecurity. For them its about the chase. The skirt is a challenge and every triumph is a notch on their egotistic belts - a quiet, desperate attempt to prove their masculinity. And since I am not for Sale and never will be, I never had and never will have any interest in the misogynistic pig.

The second kind of married man I frequently encounter is the dreamer. The dreamers are the ones that always thought of married life as a fairytale and hoped it would yield certain benefits. But the spell of blissful matrimony is broken as soon as the honeymoon is over and she flips the switch, cue Unleash the Dragon. Suddenly, they find themselves married to Cinderella's evil step-sister instead. And then they want to look for that fairytale elsewhere, desperately seeking the love and admiration they received in the initial stages of their relationships. And since I'm no ones consolation prize, there's no place in my very real life for the dreamer.

The third kind of married man I often encounter is Mr. Perfect. He's everything you've ever wanted and searched for in a man. He's all that and a bag of chips AND a super yacht with a lifetime supply of Ben & Jerry's to boot. He's the man whose every reference is always accompanied by the if-only-he-wasn't-married moniker immediately followed by a deep sigh of regret and disappointment. And from all the married men you'll ever meet, he's the most dangerous. Satan incarnate.

The thing about Mr. Perfect is that he would only ever need to blink for you to fall head over heels in love with him. But he'll never, I repeat NEVER, leave his wife for you and even if by some miracle he did - you'll never be happy because you cannot build a relationship on the ruins of another. The entire scenario is set up for you to fail from the beginning and can and probably will leave you mentally ill and emotionally scarred for life. I've seen this a hundred times and I go to extra lengths to avoid this man whenever I see him.

But from all my experiences over the years, nothing, I repeat NOTHING had prepared me for the incessant amorous advances of the younger single male. Flattered doesn't even begin to describe it. Curious comes closer.

Seven years is an awful lot of time when you're looking back. He's still a kid, I keep telling myself. We have absolutely nothing in common. And just today I decided that it would never work because at the very core, we are different people and we want different things. For instance, I HATE having to make decisions, but it's all I seem to do with someone so indecisive. Also, I always look for a partner who will take control of the relationship - and he's more than happy to relinquish any control he may have!

I don't see this going past the next 24 hours. But it was still nice to be looked at in awe and admiration. 

16 comments:

  1. Enjoy the next 24 hours and then move on if you're so inclined.

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  2. I may be completely wrong, or just completely tired after surviving on 2 hours of sleep today, but I think there comes a time when you just need to throw caution to the wind and hope and trust that the universe has your back.
    Just sometimes.
    Just hope.
    Just trust.

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  3. Marriage-wise, hold out for your very own Mr. Perfect. Dating-wise, have fun with and see the good in each prospective Mr. Perfect - but follow your instincts.

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  4. Listen, Beautiful Real Woman inside a Skirt I look at you in awe and admiration and I'm as old as Elvis was when he kicked the bucket. So you have a young boyfriend now, do you? Dear Lord, who would've guessed.

    Just don't say you're allergic to married men or the wedding's off. I don't want to make you sneeze or come out in a rash. In my defence: I'm not a skirt-chaser, I'm not a dreamer (sure I am, just not about marriage) and..... lucky for me.... I'm not Mr Perfect. So don't sneeze ok? ;)

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  5. Listen, Beautiful Real Woman inside a Skirt I look at you in awe and admiration and I'm as old as Elvis was when he kicked the bucket. So you have a young boyfriend now, do you? Dear Lord, who would've guessed.

    Just don't say you're allergic to married men or the wedding's off. I don't want to make you sneeze or come out in a rash. In my defence: I'm not a skirt-chaser, I'm not a dreamer (sure I am, just not about marriage) and..... lucky for me.... I'm not Mr Perfect. So don't sneeze ok? ;)

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  6. Listen, Beautiful Real Woman inside a Skirt I look at you in awe and admiration and I'm as old as Elvis was when he kicked the bucket. So you have a young boyfriend now, do you? Dear Lord, who would've guessed.

    Just don't say you're allergic to married men or the wedding's off. I don't want to make you sneeze or come out in a rash. In my defence: I'm not a skirt-chaser, I'm not a dreamer (sure I am, just not about marriage) and..... lucky for me.... I'm not Mr Perfect. So don't sneeze ok? ;)

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  7. Listen, Beautiful Real Woman inside a Skirt I look at you in awe and admiration and I'm as old as Elvis was when he kicked the bucket. So you have a young boyfriend now, do you? Dear Lord, who would've guessed.

    Just don't say you're allergic to married men or the wedding's off. I don't want to make you sneeze or come out in a rash. In my defence: I'm not a skirt-chaser, I'm not a dreamer (sure I am, just not about marriage) and..... lucky for me.... I'm not Mr Perfect. So don't sneeze ok? ;)

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  8. LL
    I've already moved on - some things in life aren't easy so no need to make it EVEN MORE complicated than it already is.

    Kaloo
    I hear you. I just wish it was that easy to hope and trust. It's like I know what you're saying is true but it's in Greek at the moment. Caution to the wind in this scenario leads to A LOT of frustration.

    Roving Retorter
    I've come to accept that my own Mr. Perfect may not exist. And I'm fine with that. Just as long as I don't have to see him in anyone else that's not available, y'know what I mean.

    RCB
    There are other kinds of married men Randy - the three I highlighted are the ones I come across the most. Those three types are always attracted to me specifically. And nah, I'm not allergic to you :)

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  9. And you've exactly hit on why it's great to be older. You know what you want and why you want it and are not afraid of that. It's okay to be with a younger male - some of them have matured faster than others. But when someone is as ill suited to you as you've expressed, it's time to let it go. And enjoy the memories :)

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  10. That's weird... I posted a comment using my new smart phone and you get it threefold... How does that happen?

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  11. rooth
    There's a lot to be said for maturity. When someone can't even look at you when you're talking to them, it's time to move on :)

    RCB
    Randy, I think you should go back to the store and ask for a refund :P

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  12. aww. a big crush huh ? :)
    i had a huge crush on someone my mom's age 5 years ago. oh well.

    marriage is never an answer to anyone's problems. if anything, i think it only adds more stress in most cases. lol.

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  13. Take the flattery! I say enjoy the experience. And if it's not this guy, maybe next guy who comes around, you'll be ready to just see what happens...

    I know from my own experience, sometimes I'm too scared for things to work out so I let my head to do all the talking, and talking myself out of it so I never really have to know...

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  14. Woooooooo! Heh heh. I understand, though...I mean, why force something that you don't see going anywhere, that your instinct is telling you isn't the right thing. Sometimes you can throw caution to the wind, as Kaloo suggested, and why not, but sometimes you can't do it even when a part of you might be arguing for it.

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  15. Jaya
    Exactly :) Marriage never solved anyone's problems.

    lelobandito
    Just talking to him takes me back at least 2 decades when I was 10 and had a crush and we'd steal looks from each other and not be able to speak directly to each other etc. LOL!

    Pretzel Thief
    If anything does happen, it would be because of Divine Intervention. I've learnt to just let things be what they are and not try to control everything.

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  16. Azra,

    You recalled to mind a truism and...

    Isn’t it ironic?

    We ignore the ones who adore us, adore the ones who ignore us, love the ones who hurt us, and hurt the ones that love us.


    Dean
    http://leftcoastguy.com

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