I've been feeling kinda weird lately. Don't know if it's got anything to do with the Full "Blue Moon" this past Friday night, or the fact that Spring has certainly Sprung in Johannesburg over the last week. While nothing drastic has occurred, there definitely seems to be a shift of energy ... I can't exactly put my finger on it, let alone explain it.
All I do know is that I've been practically living at work. It hasn't been that bad. And I've become quite chatty over the past few weeks too. My usual brazen opening line: psssst, what's your name, what's your story? has garnered quite a few friends, associates and acquaintances. And as I attempt to keep myself busy by poking my nose in other people's business, my own life plods along, dragging me unwittingly with it.
I can't lie though, most days I have fun. But there's this distant nagging feeling like it's all pointless y'know. Life. It's pointless. We live, we die. We have fun, we're miserable some of the time. We love people we can't have, and hate those that are around all the time. We spend money we don't have, and eat far too much. We wish we could sleep in every morning, yet wake up anyway to do it all - over and over again. It's not only pointless, it can become quite meaningless too.
At work, I have this incessant need to connect to everyone on some level. It's not entirely possible, but it's not impossible either. It's like I need to know that other people are living too, so that I don't get sucked into the vacuum of my own existence.
We should be living in the moment, but there's no instrument to measure how that's done. How do you know whether or not you're living in the moment? Is that not determined by perception? Or subject to opinion?
Here's how I see it: the fact that you're here, reading this, is a clear indicator that you're very much alive. And who's to say that that's not living in the moment?
Thing is, we'd all love to feel like we're LIVING the crap out of life. No one wants to just exist. We want to feel and believe that there is some point to things... a bigger picture... some grand culmination of events.
But alas, dear reader, I have come to see that there will be episodes in your life, when you will just exist. Yes, it will be mundane... sedentary maybe... even boring. But there's nothing wrong with that. It's life. We have our ups and downs. Good times and bad. Not every moment can be a roller coaster ride, no matter how many digital post-it inspirational quotes make you want to believe otherwise. There's nothing wrong with that. And there's nothing wrong with those digital motivational posters either. That's life.