Monday, 1 October 2012

Somebody stop the world, I need to get off...

It's one of those days where I feel like tagging myself in every random stranger's photo's on Facebook. 

Or maybe mimicking a friend's FB profile by changing everything on my profile - copying everything from their profile pics to their names and statues. I can just imagine the initial befuddlement and then solid confusion as they sit there and wonder why they have two profiles - before reality dawns. 

I only get like this when I'm frustrated. I realise that Recklessness is one of my defense mechanisms. It begs for behaviour that provokes and elicits some sort of outrageous reaction from the other party - the kind of reaction I probably secretly wish to have myself but want to identify or recognise in others. 

So essentially, on days like these, I only feel normal and happy when I can watch other people go crazy. Put it like that, and I sound like some sort of psychopath. Perhaps. I guess it's more fun to watch someone else pull at their hair follicles than it is to go through those emotions and experience them yourself. 

I'm tired. It's not a physical thing. I'm just tired. Tired of this world and its petty people and its perpetual issues and the never ending grind. Everything is a fucking issue. No matter where you go or who you talk to. And everyday it's just more of the same. I don't know what's worse, that it's the same shit on a different day, or that we lie to ourselves, thinking that things are / will be different. 

Geez, that sounds more cynical and negative than I intend it to be. Negative is not my style. Yet some truths cannot be hidden.

We're all in the same game. Just different levels. Dealing with the same hell. Just different Devils. 

Dear Lord, I'm so ready for some great changes. Key words being great changes. No more bull kaka please. Thanks.

12 comments:

  1. If you leap from the merry-go-round, take US with you.

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  2. When you've reached this low of a point, it often means a high point is just around the corner (even if it's all relative)!

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  3. Dear Lord if you could swing the great changes my way too would be great and reallllly appreciated, thanks!

    When I am bored or frustrated I get up to mischief :/ or as for your facebook impulse, which would be hilarous btw, I feel like making really honest bitchy comments on some people's pages, not about them coz they wouldn't be on my friends list if I didn't like them but just feel like making some fucked up comments etc, but people would take it all the wrong way.

    I met a guy last month and all he could ask is why am I so cynical, umm that's what life experience does to you, everyone is the same asshole in the end, how can you not be cynical???

    Life is a silly cycle. I am seriously considering ridding myself of all material things and any desires for this lifetime and just meditating in a temple everyday.

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  4. Azra,

    Every situation is not bad and everyone is not an asshole. But when you are drowning in crap its hard to smell the roses through the stink. Gee, thats mighty Erma Bombeck of me :-)

    I watched a movie this weekend, "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel." The proprietor had an over used expression he would trot-out every time things were not going well: "Everything will be alright in the end."

    Can I just say I am sick to death of all those banal, deep as a car-park puddle, expressions? If you think about it and give that expression an evil twist, he's saying nothing will be right until we kick-off this rock!

    Well I want it all to be right...now. And dont you DARE step off the planet, Azra! We love you too much and would be lost without your soul in our midst.

    Dean
    Http://leftcoastguy.com

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  5. LL
    You will be first on my list LL, we can go camp out on Mars lol!

    Roving Retorter
    Let's hope so! I just wish everything wasn't so emotionally draining.

    Chantal
    Gypsy-life seems appealing. And yes, I have the same blunt Facebook comment fantasies LOL! This world would be a much better place if people didn't have this incessant need to drag us into their mindless shit.

    Dean
    Aw thanks Dean :) I watched that movie too (actually I watched it about 300 times because my Mother loves it that much). Anyway, I believe that there is a bigger picture and that everything ends - good and bad - eventually :)

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  6. Love the "different levels/different devils" quote.

    Allow yourself to feel this current shittiness...you might find that submerging yourself in it will make it pass more quickly than if you pushed it aside.

    And yes, people ARE petty (ugh) and issues can seem to be perpetual...but this is just a phase you're going through, one we all sporadically go through. And it's shitty, yes, and annoying as hell, but it eventually wanes and we feel like our old selves again. :-)

    xx

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  7. i believe life cant be bad all the time. there will be good times no doubt about it. but when times are bad...well, it's quite normal to feel they way you do. i tend to avoid people and family when times are bad for me and sometimes indulge in 'difficult' behaviour with people who are close to me.

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  8. Yep, I know how you feel. The same grind, the same coffee, the same setting, over and over again. Sometimes it's good to throw in variety but how? I did it with a complete upheaval in my life. I can't figure out how to take baby steps :)

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  9. I don't mind you mimicking a friend's FB profile, but I just can't allow you to sound like the Blue Grumpster - your distant cousin, remember? Hey, what's going on? I know you're smart. I know you're sharp as Rambo's knife. You're lucid like Hannibal. I know you can't be convinced by a handsome married guy that a flesh popsicle is in fact a magic whistle. (Smile now.) But I bet I can make you smile even when life is pointless when you really take time to think about it and, yes, everybody dies on you and managers should be shown where to stick their own head. (You're not a manager, are you?) Smile now. Spend time with the people you love and don't give a d@mn about anyone or anything else. ;)

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  10. Pretzel Thief, Jaya, Rooth & RCB
    This is me being lazy... this most is less about how I feel personally and more about how I feel about the world. The irony is that I'm quite happy in my life when I'm in my own world. It's only when I'm faced with the morons on the outside and a world that clearly lacks empathy and intelligence that I come crashing down. I feel like there's no hope for humanity. Thing is, I can control ME... but I can't control everyone else and how they behave or how they view the world. And that depresses me.

    Other than that, I'm fine on a personal level. I just can't handle all the BS going on in the world (which ultimately affects us in some way or form). I find this world an increasingly physically, mentally and emotionally exhausting place to be in.

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