So, there's this family friend. Let's ignore the fact that I've known her since childhood ok. She's a year older than I am and when she was 18 years old, she met the "love of her life" and decided to get married. Nothing wrong there.
Eleven years later, due to unforeseen circumstances and events that people are still confuzzled over, she got divorced. And yes, we were all picking up our jaws off the floor - I mean they were the loves of each others lives innit - and just like that: snap, crack and pop, it was all over.
She visited back then, just after her ordeal. She was clearly in a lot of pain but putting on a really brave front, like claiming some kind of victory. She laughed it off like it was nothing. I couldn't understand it... but I chose to let it be and not long after that she got re-married. At the time, I thought she was making a mistake, rushing off into another relationship without dissolving her feelings for her first husband. And I could see that all she wanted to do was pretend that the first marriage didn't happen, that it didn't exist, and that she wanted to go back into time and start all over again by erasing those 11 years of her life.
Thing is, her grief along with her pride prevented her from accepting that she too made mistakes, that she too had a role in the destruction and failure of her marriage.
I didn't hold her decision against her - I figured that perhaps, like so many others in this society, her identity, self-esteem and self-worth was tied to her marital status and that without it, she felt lost and couldn't face the world alone. And I subsequently lost all contact with her after that.
Two years later, a few months ago in fact, I met with her by chance at a festival. It had been just a few months since her second divorce was finalised and yet she seemed no worse for wear. If anything, she hadn't changed a bit. It was like an ode to deja-moo... y'know, seeing the same bullshit all over again. She masqueraded around with the same false bravado she had the first time. And it was the same pride that had prevented her from admitting NOT to me but to HERSELF, that perhaps she had gotten married too soon and on the rebound and that in trying to spite her first ex-husband, she ended up spiting herself. She, of course, laughed it off.
A few weeks after that, I had heard that her cousin (really her first cousin, not someone whose identity I'm trying to hide), who is also a family friend had gotten divorced too and was utterly devastated too because her husband had cheated on her. And in an online conversation with her cousin, I asked her how she's doing and her response was: LOL, I'm single now.
And in that moment, I thought to myself: what's so funny? Really, I want to know. Sure, no one wants to be left feeling devastated and utterly wrecked in front of the entire world... and worse still, no one wants to see the wretched pity plastered on every face you encounter... but to fake bravado and happiness?
I think what offended me the most, was the way they went about it - they couldn't even tell me that they've failed in their relationships out of fear of some kind of judgement from me - me, the person whom they both call family. And here am I, worried about them and their welfare; not out of pity, but genuine concern.
And I'm bringing this up now, because for some reason, I've been encountering this kind of behaviour a lot from various people. Another acquaintance was admitted to hospital (after I advised her to go and she didn't want to), and she told her family not to tell me about it - again, as if I'd pass on some kind of judgement.
I only have this to say about it all: wandering the earth trying to save face by pretending that nothing happened or that you didn't make a mistake or that you didn't make the wrong decision, because you have too much pride to pick yourself up off the ground and dust yourself off and continue on your path is just pathetic. The only person that looks like a fool is you. OWN your failures. You don't have to dwell or revel in it, but you don't have to deny it either. Yes you got divorced - so what? How many millions of people aren't divorced? No one has any right to judge you. Yes you made a mistake or you feel like an idiot - show me one person in this entire world that can claim otherwise...
But going around and pretending that you're exempt from any kind of failure or hardship or mistakes - or that it is beneath you - is like digging your own grave and giving fate the rope it needs to hang you.