Sunday, 5 May 2013

http://WWW - Weird, Weird World

You know that feeling... that feeling when you're waiting for that phone call or text message... and it seems to be taking forever to come through... and you're going near-insane anticipating that conversation... already feeling the butterflies wrestling in your tummy, while your heart races with Ferrari at the German Grand Prix?

Yeah? Well I don't have that. 

The only thing I do have is Google and their ridiculous listings. If the top search results are calculated based on the number of times certain key words are typed into the search box - and if this is a reflection of the society we're living in - the world is in serious trouble people:

Like, are women human? Sure they're not apes in dresses?
Because I really really want to be a Vampire when I grow up:

Is it illegal to kill ants? Like, will there be a trial?

And then, the super ridiculous:

Because strawberries were made for nipples:
No, only in public:
We need Penguins, like ASAP:
And my ultimate favourite: How can I get my girlfriend to tape her fingers together and pretend she's a dinosaur?
What's the most ridiculous search result you've gotten?

36 comments:

  1. lol, hilarious. you had me snort out laughing. will go and do some random google searching right now :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lol, glad you found it entertaining.

      Delete
  2. All of these questions address the "human condition" --- because if you wrote a book about REAL people, nobody would believe it. Everyone would think that it's the theater of the absurd.

    Then you read that people want to know how to become vampires and at that moment, pulp fiction is vindicated completely.

    Or that some enterprising person genuinely wants to sneak into the zoo to see penguins without paying for the opportunity. How genius is that? Do people answer those questions? That is more probative still.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be fascinating to see if there are answers for some of these questions LL.

      Delete
  3. I hate getting that anticipatory wording that has nothing to do with my search. But I can't remember getting results as unexpected as some of the wordings you've pulled up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roving Retorter - It's amazing some of the things that are out there on the net.

      Delete
  4. That is sooo funny, especially "i hate it when a chinchilla eats the universe" What is a chinchilla anyway. "Are women human" indeed! Hahaha

    I cannot think of anything funny that has popped up when I search in Google...not right now anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL Prixie. A Chinchilla is a South American rodent - like a cat squirrel or something like that ;)

      Delete
  5. I've said it before and I'll say it again... People are funny. Depressing funny or holarious funny - it all depends on the weather. I once saw a guy wearing rubber boots to match a rubber whip.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Replies
    1. Just check my own stats and someone tped the following keywords: 'my love for u is like a ding dong poem'

      Delete
    2. That's interesting Grumpy. You have your own drunk vocabulary ;)

      Delete
    3. And I don't know what's wrong me me... My typing's getting worse by the day. Drunk? Me? Never!

      Delete
  7. LMAO. I dont have words for these lol
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hahahahahaha! You've just made my day. Some of those are insane! Ok, you know I'm going on google now right?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad you had a good laugh Juliette ;)

      Delete
  9. HAHAHAHA OMGGGG THIS IS SO FUNNY!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is quite funny Debie Grace ;)

      Delete
  10. HAH - those are wild. I don't think any of mine beat yours

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rooth, the crazy ones pop up when you least expect it.

      Delete
  11. The vampire thing makes total sense considering that we live in the age of "Twilight."

    I don't use Google's main page to search (Chrome's address bar does that for me, and it doesn't seem to have the suggestions you're referencing).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess many more people use toolbars Iris, for some reason, I'm always on the google page.

      Delete
  12. Typing "How to" and its just amazing that some people don't know how to do simple things. Not funny, more strange.

    ReplyDelete
  13. The most ridiculous one I got was really, really, racist.

    So I better not share it. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL DWei - Must have been from South Africa ;P

      Delete
  14. these are always ridiculous and hilarious, Azra.
    lol

    ReplyDelete
  15. Replies
    1. Smart sweet and beautiful. Didn't you know that, Gloria Dear?

      Delete
    2. I'm good thanks, Gloria :)

      And Thanks Blue - for the sweet comps ;)

      Delete
  16. Hahahahah. OH LORD. That's a whoooole lotta crazy shiz.

    Also?

    Loved your opening paragraph, hahah. Why you little trickster, you! Hee!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes indeed crazy, Pretzel Thief :)

    ReplyDelete