Monday, 10 February 2014

Maybe I am over-thinking it...

The person who will spend the rest of my life with me needs to understand that I am mostly made up of water; that simply means that even though I am extremely strong I am also unstable and vulnerable and I usually take the shape of whatever you put me in so that’s why I hope your heart will be close to God and your face will be radiant with righteousness because you see, I am forgetful and heedless and careless and lost and maybe I am looking for a solid anchor to guide me when I can’t find my way and I follow the wind because that’s what the sea does and my tides are guided by the moon - but you see I hope that you will be the sun so that the moon could follow you. 

Most of the times I am scared because I don’t really think I could bare the responsibility but when my heart is covered by complete and utter frightfulness I hope you will tell me a joke, maybe be my friend, maybe remind me for a second that I wouldn’t be alone, maybe I am over thinking it, maybe I will fall in to the role all naturally and maybe you wouldn’t notice the thousands of walls I have put in place to protect, maybe you will never really know that I’m seriously contemplating not doing it at all. 

Maybe you will understand after all it is said that our names were transcribed next to each other before the creation of the heavens and the earth, maybe you will laugh at me and maybe I will join you and maybe we will look back and think that the unknown future has a way of blending with the past to create this uneasy present but no matter how bad the past is its always funny and maybe it will be funny, maybe in a few years time we will both be scared of something else that the future holds in place for us but maybe will do it together and maybe we will over come that too and maybe that’s when I will realize and learn that this poem was written for two and maybe its cause I have never really met you maybe its because of the fact that you walk the face of planet earth right now probably unaware that I sit here scared but mostly hopeful of what the future holds…

I can't quite recall who wrote this... or where I got it from... (enlighten me if anyone knows). All I DO know is that at one point, it struck a chord. Perhaps it still does. 

All this talk of Valentines Day is somewhat depressing for someone like me. Depressing not because I'm single - I've made my peace with that a long time ago - but because it marks the beginning of the end of Summer for us. And everyone knows how much I love Summer. 

Then there's that pesky little thing where, for some reason, my marital status or rather lack thereof, seems to be a constant point of contention amongst selected family members and a few so-called friends. You've never seen so many unhappily married people utter their concerns in subtle passive aggressive tones and desperate nuances... because misery loves company, see.

I do find it more than a tad insulting though, that those same people can chalk up everything I've ever attained and achieved, to dismal failures or empty victories at best, based on the fact that I haven't latched myself onto, or have become consumed by someone else's identity. I refuse to be defined that way. 

I am however, not against Love in its whole, raw, unconditional, most natural form. It's the only thing that's still good and true in this increasingly wicked world. But I am against consumerism, and moreso, against how people interpret what Love should be... what it should look like... which rules govern it... the confines and constraints in a number of non-existent rules that people tend to force upon others. 

Here's to the free-flowing, authentic stuff.

31 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    Your summer ends in Feb? Do you get a fall? And if so, how long is it. We have Indian Summer and Fall. And I love them both.

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  2. Happy Whisk - Technically, Summer only ends at the end of March (hence the beginning of the end), but there's a slight tinge in the air, almost like the season has shifted off it's axis and it's ushering in something new. Fall, or as we call it, Autumn begins in April, although this is a significantly warm time of the year for us too. Winter only really sets in late May and continuing through June, July & August. And then the 1st of September is Spring.

    I must mention though, with the wacky weather of late, its quite unpredictable. It might get colder much earlier in the year - like maybe late March. But then again, it might be a very mild winter - like it was last year. Our Summer this year has also been very unpredictable... very cool weather with lots of rain, interspersed with scorching days. One can never tell these days...

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    1. I call it Autumn as well. Sometime I write fall but there's something pretty about Autumn. It fits well.

      For us, spring really doesn't hit until the end of May. Maybe a little earlier but usually come the last weekend in May, we're into spring, which doesn't last very long.

      Funny how the seasons have been.

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  3. Our summer finish in March and Im crazy with the hot!! I love autumn or fall is my favorite season!
    I really wait for fall:)))
    huggs!!

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    1. Gloria - Our Summer usually finishes in March too... but it starts getting slightly cooler from now on. *hugs*

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    2. Im agree with Rebecca! be yourself!! that I do now!! lol

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  4. I'm fascinated with families that pressure their members to marry because my family is the total opposite! Any pressure my brother and I ever got is re: establishing ourselves professionally - and then it's kind of been understood that we shouldn't long-term settle for anyone who's not soulmate material, and when it happens it happens. You should consider yourself an honorary beneficiary of this attitude!

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    1. @Roving Retorter - I guess marriage is fundamental to the core values of families and societies that we are surrounded by. Religion too - Islam recommends marriage as it "completes half our faith".

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  5. AMEN SISTER - Azra, are you telling the story of me? Because it sure feels like it. People try to convince me that marriage and a relationship is the right thing for me when I'm not even sure it's really the right thing for them. Ahh well, I try to think that they have good intentions and they want the best for me but don't they think I would know what that was?

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    1. It's a common issue Rooth, especially among people who have defined cultures and those cultures that still hold on to traditions.

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  6. While reading that beautifully written piece, I became teary. It is so raw and honest!

    Speaking of the weather, I saw boots today in Woolies and became extremely happy! Winter is my love, it really is.

    As for those certain family members and friends of yours... I can only imagine your annoyance. I hate how life here in SA (especially these little ethnic communities) is measured against what you do, when you get married and have kids... thats that, and there is nothing more to life. Everyone must and should tick off these conventional boxes. Such BS! To me, life is about experience and growth and travel....and so much more. I would gladly fist those narrow minded people for you. Lemme at 'em! But as someone who has sold out and gotten married, we both still maintain our very strong identities, but still care for each other deeply. It seems to work for us, in a weird way, so it is possible to define a marriage to your happiness, at least, what we consider happiness.

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    1. I don't think you sold out Prixie :) I think life goes on at different paces for different people - and we should be respected enough to be allowed our pace, however fast or slow that may be.

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  7. be you and don;t worry about what folks say hugs

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  8. Yes, what love should be is constantly thrown in our faces everywhere and it doesnt look like its gonna stop any time soon. Sad, very sad and its the cause of many heartaches. The thing is when you do find love, and I mean true love, its uncanny how those things suddenly go unnoticed. True happiness with someone is whole new world.

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    1. I'm sure it is @Nuraan. The key here is patience - for us all... especially for those dying for a wedding ;)

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  9. What a beautiful written piece.

    I have no answers for you Az, as the world, love and everything is a mystery to me that becomes more mysterious as I age.
    You shouldn't be defined by anyone, you should both complement each other.

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    1. I think so too Juliette... I think "Live and Let Live" is quite apt here :)

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  10. Good luck to you in finding a partner.

    Thank you. Love love, Andrew. Bye.

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  11. One day that wickedly funny, interesting, clever, guy will be standing next to you. He'll strike up a conversation -- you'll look at his six-pack abs, and it will all work. Kissing frogs never works in the search for a prince.

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    1. Here's hoping LL haha... and so true about the frogs.

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  12. whoever wrote the poem, it's beautiful. and I hear you about being dismissed as incomplete because of the lack of a relationship. no one would ever say this about a man. ok, not no one, but it doesn't happen nearly as often. I'm lucky enough to be in a position where people don't criticize me (or pity me) for being single. maybe it's not been long enough. maybe it's because I'm so much happier than most of my paired friends, I don't know. it's all very f***ed up. we live in the 21st century after all!

    great post. thank you xoxo

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    1. It's true Petra, men don't get the same flack from society that women do. I guess the more advanced we think we are, the more things haven't really changed. Thanks lady *hugs*

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  13. Seriously valentine's day is the absolute worst

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    1. I agree Deidre... hope yours was awesome though :)

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  14. I am stopping by to comment on your comment at The Happy Whisk. I have to find out who suggested covering a waffle with ice cream. I suggested whipped cream. I think our ideas are the best!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Birdie :) And yes, we have great taste *high-five* :D

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  15. Those thousands of walls are not a problem. Just make sure there are doors and each door has a key, okay? And unhappily married people always want you to follow in their footsteps.

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    1. Yes @Blue - I'll be sure to post a key to you and Angie too :)

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    2. She's got so many walls you'd think she's a statue. Could it be a female thing?

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